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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 08:39 PM Thread Starter
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English letter

hi guys can you check this short letter? thanks

Dear Editor,

This letter is in response to the recent Mark Murray's article 'Why TV is bad for us?' from last Saturday's newspaper. I see his point but I have many objections.
First of all, Mr Murray stated that TV encourages us to be lazy. It sounds quite convincing but there are many examples like fitness shows or sports programs which encourages us to spend our time actively.

Secondly, he says TV gives us a trivial version of the news. That’s an interesting point of view, but without television we wouldn't have breaking news or weather forecast which are really needful.
Next, Mr Murray mentions that we don't use our brains when we watch TV. He can't really mean that - TV is now full of documentaries, quiz shows and political debates which provoke our brains to work so hard.

Finally, he says that TV teaches young people that violence is always the best answer. I don't agree with this statement - we can find many educational programmes which show that there is many other ways than violence of resolving conflicts.

Yours faithfully,
XXX
New York
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 08:45 PM
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Re: English letter

I thought Dan already helped you with it?

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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 08:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: English letter

it's another one
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:05 PM
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Re: English letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartosh View Post
hi guys can you check this short letter? thanks

Dear Editor,

This letter is in response to the recent Mark Murray's article 'Why TV is bad for us?' from last Saturday's newspaper. Although I see his point, I have many objections.
First of all, Mr Murray stated that TV encourages us to be lazy. It sounds quite convincing but there are many examples like fitness shows or sports programmes which encourage us to engage in more active pursuits.

Secondly, he says TV gives us a trivial version of the news. That’s an interesting point of view, but without television we wouldn't have breaking news or weather forecasts which are vital to our every day life.
Furthermore, Mr Murray mentions that we don't use our brains when we watch TV. He can't really mean that; TV is now full of documentaries, quiz shows and political debates which stimulate our brains greatly.

Finally, he says that TV teaches young people that violence is always the best answer. I don't agree with this statement as we can find many educational programmes which show that there are many ways other than violence to resolve conflicts.

Yours faithfully,
XXX
New York
--------

All my corrections are in bold. Hope that helps!

Marion Bartoli

Tennis player of the Millenium

Grand Slam Finalist | Career High Rank #9 | Queen of the Injury Time-Out

Venus | Dokic | Kirilenko | Robson
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: English letter

thank you sooo much
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:14 PM
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Re: English letter

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Originally Posted by Bartosh View Post
thank you sooo much
anytime!

Marion Bartoli

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Grand Slam Finalist | Career High Rank #9 | Queen of the Injury Time-Out

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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:45 PM
 
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Re: English letter

vadin124 .

Next time I write a forum policy I might send it to you for correction.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:52 PM
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Re: English letter

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Originally Posted by Kart View Post
vadin124 .

Next time I write a forum policy I might send it to you for correction.
ha

well i'm not good at many things, but english is one of them, i hope!

Marion Bartoli

Tennis player of the Millenium

Grand Slam Finalist | Career High Rank #9 | Queen of the Injury Time-Out

Venus | Dokic | Kirilenko | Robson
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 09:57 PM
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Re: English letter

oh also Bartosh, when you say "he says" in the third paragraph, it would be better to say something like "he suggests", or "he proposes"...

what you are writing is gramatically correct, but it's better to use a variety of words, and not the same one for the same meaning

Marion Bartoli

Tennis player of the Millenium

Grand Slam Finalist | Career High Rank #9 | Queen of the Injury Time-Out

Venus | Dokic | Kirilenko | Robson
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 8th, 2009, 11:05 PM
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Re: English letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartosh View Post
Dear Editor,

I am writing this letter in response to Mark Murray's recent article, 'Why TV is bad for us?', which was featured in last Saturday's newspaper. Although I acknowledge his views, I also have many objections.

First of all, Mr Murray stated that TV encourages us to be lazy. It sounds quite convincing but there are many programmes which encourage us to engage in more active pursuits, for instance those relating to fitness or sports.

Secondly, he claims TV gives us a trivial version of the news. That is an interesting statement, as without television we would not have breaking news or weather forecasts, which are, in my mind, vital to our everyday life.

Furthermore, Mr Murray mentions that we do not use our brains when watching TV. He surely cannot really mean that; due to the fact that TV is now full of documentaries, quiz shows and political debates which actually stimulate our brains.

Finally, he says that TV teaches young people that violence is always the best answer. I do not agree with this statement as we can find many educational programmes which show that there are many ways, other than violence, to resolve conflicts.

Yours faithfully,
XXX
New York
I made a few changes to Vadin's post as I was bored, but I think they are more a matter of style than anything else

One thing I would change though is the use of 'TV' rather than 'television'. Given that this is a formal letter I'm not sure the abbreviation is appropriate

I also emboldened some parts that are not stricly wrong, but don't really work in my oppinion

And I take it the 'XXX' at the end is where you'd put your name rather than sending kisses?



Vera Zvonareva * Ana Ivanović * Li Na * Laura Robson ......

Last edited by Sean.; Jun 8th, 2009 at 11:17 PM.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 9th, 2009, 12:52 AM
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Re: English letter

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bartosh View Post
hi guys can you check this short letter? thanks

Dear Editor,

This letter is in response to the recent Mark Murray's article 'Why TV is bad for us?' from last Saturday's newspaper. I see his point but I have many objections.
First of all, Mr Murray states(you used "says and mentions in next paragraph") that TV encourages us to be lazy. It sounds quite convincing but there are many examples like fitness shows or sports programs which encourage us to spend our time actively.

Secondly, he says TV gives us a trivial version of the news. Thatís an interesting point of view, but without television we wouldn't have breaking news or weather forecasts which are really needful.
Next, Mr Murray mentions that we don't use our brains when we watch TV. He can't really mean that - TV is now full of documentaries, quiz shows and political debates which provoke our brains to work so hard.

Finally, he says that TV teaches young people that violence is always the best answer. I don't agree with this statement - we can find many educational programmes which show that there is many other ways than violence of resolving conflicts.

Yours faithfully,
XXX
New York


I don't know what else should be changed
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 9th, 2009, 01:50 AM
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Re: English letter

Quote:
Dear Editor,

This letter is in response to the recent Mark Murray's article 'Why TV is bad for us?' from last Saturday's newspaper. I see his point but I have many objectionsHis ideas have more holes in them than the whores of babylon did in medieval times

First of all, Mr Murray stated that TV encourages us to be lazy. It sounds quite convincing but there are many examples like fitness shows or sports programs which encourages us to spend our time actively. Why the fuck does he care if I sit on my ass all day watching tv or a menstruating woman driving a golf cart in reverse

Secondly, he says TV gives us a trivial version of the news. That’s an interesting point of view, but without television we wouldn't have breaking news or weather forecast which are really needful. I need to know if the aliens attacked while I was busy playing Warcraft
Next, Mr Murray mentions that we don't use our brains when we watch TV. He can't really mean that - TV is now full of documentaries, quiz shows and political debates which provoke our brains to work so hard. I love watching South Park and mistaking slight mental stimulation for fun.

Finally, he says that TV teaches young people that violence is always the best answer. I don't agree with this statement - we can find many educational programmes which show that there is many other ways than violence of resolving conflicts.The creators of Educational programmes show a genuine spark of compassion (or are being nice so they could find a chance to extract your brains out so they could use them as muesli balls)


Yours faithfully,
not in a gay way
New York
My corrections in bold

Last edited by Miss Amor; Jun 9th, 2009 at 01:59 AM.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 9th, 2009, 02:27 AM
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Re: English letter

^^
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 9th, 2009, 02:37 AM
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Re: English letter

Brad you're an absolute muppet



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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old Jun 9th, 2009, 10:33 AM
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Re: English letter

Personally, I'd think of better transition phrases. "First of all, secondly, and lastly" I think you could do way with them because it doesn't sound good especially when every paragraph starts with those words. Unfortunately, I'm too lazy today to fix the letter. lol.
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