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post #1 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:09 AM Thread Starter
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Jokes?

Littly Johnny was at his house one day when he heard his mom and dad cussing, saying bitches and bastard. Little johnny went up to his mother and said, mom whats a bitch and a bastard? His mother said, its ladies and gentleman!

He was walking outside when he heard the neighbors saying. let me see ur boobs and you can see my ass. Curious, he went to his mother and said. mom whats a boob and an ass? his mother said. a boob is a hat and an ass is a coat.

Later he heard his dad shaving and he said shit. He asked his dad what shit was. His dad told him, its a brand of shaving cream.

He went downstairs and his mother was carving the turkey, and she cut her finger and said f*ck. He asked his mother what f*ck was. She replied a way of cooking the turkey.
So later that day guests arrived for dinner. little johnny walked up to them and said:





























HELLO BITCHES AND BASTARDS, MAY I TAKE YOUR BOOBS AND ASSES? MY MOM IS IN THE KITCHEN F*CKING THE TURKEY, AND MY DAD IS UPSTAIRS WIPING SHIT OF HIS FACE.

THE GUEST LEFT IMMEDIATELY....
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post #2 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

Please add
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post #3 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

One day at a school, a boy comes in late and the teacher asks him why he is late. He replies, I was on top of cherry hill.So then about five minutes later, another boy shows up late, the teacher asks him why and he says he was on top of cherry hill. Finally about 10 minutes later, a girl comes in and the teacher asks her who are you? She replies, I'm cherry hill!
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post #4 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:18 AM
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Re: Jokes?

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post #5 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:19 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tennislover23 View Post
One day at a school, a boy comes in late and the teacher asks him why he is late. He replies, I was on top of cherry hill.So then about five minutes later, another boy shows up late, the teacher asks him why and he says he was on top of cherry hill. Finally about 10 minutes later, a girl comes in and the teacher asks her who are you? She replies, I'm cherry hill!
5 minutes is so fast
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post #6 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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post #7 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

Little Johnny's class was on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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post #8 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

The 7 dwarves were in the bathtub feeling Happy, so Happy got up and left.
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post #9 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

A teenager goes to the pharmacy and askes about safe sex since he is going to have sex with his girlfriend for the first time. The pharmacist recommended him a few brands of condoms and gave him some advice. Later that evening, the teenager goes to his girlfriend's house for dinner and meets her parents. Once they say down at the dinner table, the girls mother asked him to say grace. The boy put his head down and lifted it up. The girlfriend says "You never told me you were religious." and then the boyfriend replies "Well, you never told me your dad was a pharmacist!"
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post #10 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:45 AM
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Re: Jokes?

its an old classic but still funny:

Mickey Mouse comes home early one snowy winter day. He finds that someone has written something in the snow with piss. He calls the cops, disgusted.

After a short investigation, the officer said,"I have some bad news and some worse news"

"ugh, whats the bad news first" Mickey says.

"That is Goofy's urine. But it is Minnie's handwriting!!!"

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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post #11 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?





That was great
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post #12 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

The Welfare Office
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

"You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

"This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20s and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft-type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're kidding me!"

The social worker said, "Well, yeah, but you started it."
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post #13 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 05:57 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tennislover23 View Post
The Welfare Office
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

"You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

"This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20s and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft-type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're kidding me!"

The social worker said, "Well, yeah, but you started it."

as someone who is between jobs i find this funny AND offensive. and because it is so offensive it is FUNNIER for it. great one.

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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post #14 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 06:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

I'm sorry
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post #15 of 179 (permalink) Old Dec 16th, 2008, 08:34 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tennislover23 View Post
I'm sorry
it's ok. the worst of it is wanting to buy things i can afford BECAUSE i cant afford them!! but thats why i like your threads they are awesome for good laughs.

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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