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post #61 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

TOok me a minute, but then I started DYING!

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "Please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse...
so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
Ok, now take off my skirt...
and he takes off her skirt.
Now take off my bra...
which he does.
And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.
and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,
"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #62 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?



Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #63 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

Lil' Johnny and his friend were at school and heard the word "penis" while they were playing on the school yard. Johnny's friend asked him if he knew what a penis was.
Lil' Johnny said he didn't know but would ask his dad when he got home.
That evening, Johnny asked his dad, "Dad, what's a penis?"
His father said, "Son, I'll not only tell you, I'll show you." So they went into the bathroom. Pop lowered his pants and proudly announced, "Son, that's a penis. Not only is it a penis, but it's a perfect penis!"
The next day at school, Lil' Johnny found his friend and took him into the bathroom. Johnny lowered his pants and said, "See that? That's a penis." He paused for a moment and added, "Not only is it a penis, but if it were two inches shorter, it'd be a perfect penis!"



All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #64 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a skirt and the phone rang ~ but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh, dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bitch called back."


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #65 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."



All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #66 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

There are three blondes washed up on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #67 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?

A blonde a brunette and a redhead were all in at the doctors office at the same time and were all pregnant.The redhead said she would have a girl because she was on the bottom and the brunette said she was having a boy because she was on top. The blonde started crying and when asked what was wrong she said "I'm gonna have puppies"


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #68 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Jokes?



Q. How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A. Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.


All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wonder are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be blade that was broken. The crownless again shall be king
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post #69 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 09:36 PM
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Re: Jokes?

How many babies does it take to paint a fence?

Bitttchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You Better Pay It Honey! The Devil Is A Liar!!!!! Bitches Get Interviews And Shit? Where They Do That At Honey? Girls Are Late Honey!!!! The Queen Needs To Get Into It Honey Cause The Girls Is Late Out Here! Yes Honey Im Throwing Epic Shade!

Management!
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post #70 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 10:27 PM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by égalité View Post
How many babies does it take to paint a fence?
8?
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post #71 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 1st, 2011, 10:48 PM
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Re: Jokes?

No, it depends how hard you throw them

Bitttchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You Better Pay It Honey! The Devil Is A Liar!!!!! Bitches Get Interviews And Shit? Where They Do That At Honey? Girls Are Late Honey!!!! The Queen Needs To Get Into It Honey Cause The Girls Is Late Out Here! Yes Honey Im Throwing Epic Shade!

Management!
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post #72 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 2nd, 2011, 06:50 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tennislover23 View Post
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a skirt and the phone rang ~ but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh, dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bitch called back."
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post #73 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2011, 01:21 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Anne Frank had it rough, Firstly she got her diary read by millions over the world, which is every girls worse nightmare, secondly she got no money for it, which is every jews worse nightmare
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post #74 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2011, 05:07 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean. View Post
A worried boyfriend calls up his blonde girlfriend:

Man: 'Honey be careful I just heard on the radio there is some idiot woman driving the wrong way on the M25'
Woman: 'There is not just one, there's hundreds of them!'
I still don't get this.


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"Never let small minds convince you that your dreams are too big."

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post #75 of 179 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2011, 05:26 AM
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Re: Jokes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Viktorious View Post
I still don't get this.
the 'one hundred people going the wrong way are actually going the right way, meaning the blonde is that 'idiot woman driving the wrong way on the M25'
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