Vanessa Hudgens, co-star of Disney money machine "High School Musical," spent the weekend apologizing because a naked picture she says she took for a friend ended up on the Internet.
Gosh, imagine that. Still, Disney can't be too happy here, so I thought maybe she'd appreciate a note of support.
Okay, let me get this straight. You sent out a naked picture of yourself and thought it wouldn't show up anywhere else?
You're 19 years old and you never came across the phrase "Download Screen Saver"? You gotta get out more.
But then, I'm naive, too. Before I read about your picture, I thought the high school in "HSM" didn't exist.
Hundreds of shiny, happy students bouncing around and not one of them shows a sign of having a single sex-related thought?
In which alternate universe?
But if you didn't realize that anything with pixels eventually shows up on the Internet, then I'm wrong. There not only must be a high school where students major in wide-eyed innocence, you're the valedictorian.
Now some mean people on the Internet think this is a setup, that you deliberately triggered a flurry of publicity that wouldn't be serious enough for Disney to fire you, but would be naughty enough to give you a little credibility with people over 12.
I'm not buying it. I believe you thought this picture would be a treat for one lucky fellow.
I believe this because you are a teenage girl. I'm pretty sure a universal obsession among teenage girls is "How attractive am I?" So you take a picture like this because the idea some cute guy is turned on by your pixels is, well, reassuring.
Teenage boys, by the way, have similar neuroses. They just act out or sublimate them in different ways.
Anyhow, if your worst mistake as a teenager is a naked picture, you've aced the course. But where there are enough hormones to pose for one picture, there are more. Hormones are strong. Stronger than Disney.
Ask Britney Spears. She's a Disney grad, too, and not long ago she was America's wholesome role model for tweens. Now she's our national celebrity from hell.
I don't mean that because you posed for one picture, tomorrow you'll chop off your hair, check into rehab and only put half your clothes on.
But next time you're tempted to strike a pose, you might want to pop in a DVD of Sunday night's Video Music Awards and fast-forward to Britney. She's the puffy one who loses all interest halfway through her own song.
I'm just sayin'.