i mean...just honest answers please. - TennisForum.com
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
No Name Face's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: nYc
Posts: 12,821
                     
i mean...just honest answers please.

why are some of the gay people here so ashamed of being gay? it can't be easy, but neither is being any minority in america. if i had a choice to be 100% white, i wouldn't take it, because i like who i am. isn't acceptance of who you are one of the most important things in life? it's not to say i haven't had issues being one of the only black kids in a primarily white setting (and i'm biracial, so that makes it even weirder to never feel that way) but i came to terms with it and i'm a lot better off because of it.

i just don't understand how a gay person would take a straight pill...i don't feel that there's anything wrong with being gay, bi, or straight. i mean, i think very few people are 100% gay or straight, to begin with.

can someone please enlighten me or give me another perspective? it's something i really always wanted to know/understand.
thanks.

ROCK ON:
elena dementieva, serena williams, caroline wozniacki, ana ivanovic
david nalbandian, rafael nadal, andy murray, gael monfils, jo-wilfried tsonga
No Name Face is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 04:29 PM
Senior Member
 
Nicjac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: TBAA meeting
Posts: 4,243
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Well, if the world would consist of people like you, nobody would hide in a closet anymore.

Unfortunately, it doesn't. The majority (oh, and maybe your employer and your mother and several others) think differently.

Last edited by Nicjac; Feb 3rd, 2007 at 04:43 PM.
Nicjac is offline  
post #3 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 04:34 PM
Team WTAworld
Senior Member
 
CooCooCachoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 63,522
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

I agree with you. I would not take a straight pill if something like that existed. The entire terminology is already hurtful, suggesting that homosexuality is some kind of disease for which a cure is much welcomed.

However, as you said yourself, you have had to come to terms with who you are. This implies that you are fighting an internal, highly emotional battle in a societal setting that is not always as welcoming and tolerant as you would like it to be. I am not at all ashamed of being gay, but as long as heterosexuality is, by far, the mode in society, it means I can experience some sort of feeling of alienation; not shame. I am currently in the latter stages of the process of turning this alienation into a sense of belonging and a positive feeling of self-awareness.

CHARDY | CHIUDINELLI | CIPOLLA


Bemelmans|Camerin|Cornet|Crivoi|Cuevas|Dentoni|Dod ig|Garbin|Granollers
Hlavackova|Ilhan|Kohli|Kuznetsov|Lammer|Mannarino| Menendez|Phau|Polansky
Rezaď|Robredo|Roger-Vasselin|Srebotnik|Szavay|Wörle|Zverev

CooCooCachoo is offline  
post #4 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 04:35 PM
Senior Member
 
partbrit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 2,305
 
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Internalized homophobia
partbrit is offline  
post #5 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 04:44 PM
Senior Member
 
venus_rulez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,343
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

To be honest I think a lot of people take those feelings of I'm going to be who I am and not feel bad about it from movies and tv, especially Americans. ALmost every tv or movie arc has someone fighting something (whether it be the race, sexuality, the way they look physically) and then after trying to be something different which inevitably fails they realize that who they are isn't that bad at all and the next time someone calls them a name they ignore it and come back with some witty retort and then the movie ends. What you don't see is the 4th or 5th time that same person is called out of their name or is looked at weird how that can grind a person down sometimes. I think we as humans have a forever complex. We want things to last forever and they never do. I'm not sure the point of all this is to learn to be ok with yourself and accepting of whatever your issue is until the end of time, but more of learning how to rebound on the days you don't fell so good about yourself. I'm 21 and gay and it did take a while for me to be comfortable with it. Now I can even joke about it (I'm the token black guy and homo among my friends lol) but that doesn't mean there aren't somedays that I'm aware of the difference (however slight it might be) or the disadvantages there CAN be from being gay. Sometimes having to ignore or nto care about what people think can be draining enough.

RIDE OR DIE! Down for Venus Williams



[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


I GOT 5 ON IT!!!!! VENUS WILLIAMS 5 TIME WIMBLEDON CHAMPION!!!!!
venus_rulez is offline  
post #6 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 05:03 PM Thread Starter
Senior Member
 
No Name Face's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: nYc
Posts: 12,821
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicjac View Post
Well, if the world would consist of people like you, nobody would hide in a closet anymore.
but i mean...how bad can it be? someone will always hate you for who you are. you will always face adversity if you're not the majority.

Quote:
Unfortunately, it doesn't. The majority (oh, and maybe your employer and your mother and several others) think differently.
that's a good point, but as for the employer, it's illegal to discriminate on that clause alone. about your family/mother, if they don't accept you for who you are, then the hell with them. i dunno, that's how i view it.

ROCK ON:
elena dementieva, serena williams, caroline wozniacki, ana ivanovic
david nalbandian, rafael nadal, andy murray, gael monfils, jo-wilfried tsonga
No Name Face is offline  
post #7 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 05:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Selah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: here
Posts: 640
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

I honestly was just pondering some of these thoughts you brought up after reading that other thread. I was just wondering if dealing with homophobia is worst than dealing with racism on a personal level. As a black person, I have never internalized racism and hated myself. I know it happens with some people from racial groups that are oppressed but I am now thinking it isn't as prevalent as internalized homophobia/self-hatred because of being gay. I think it might be because being black, even though some people think you are less than human etc, you still aren't seen on a mainstream basis as "abnormal". With homosexuality, so many see it as being abnormal, so can you imagine feeling like there is something inherently bad/wrong/abnormal about you, especially when it sometimes feel like you can "choose" to not be? It must be tough. I really empathize.
Selah is offline  
post #8 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 05:30 PM
Senior Member
 
Nicjac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: TBAA meeting
Posts: 4,243
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No Name Face View Post
but i mean...how bad can it be? someone will always hate you for who you are. you will always face adversity if you're not the majority.
It still is really bad.

They kill you for being gay or otherwise different, they discriminate against you, they laugh about you, they punch you, they belittle you, they do not understand what happened that you made that "choice" or why you should be treated equally with that skin colour. So go ahead, sue them, but maybe they are not dumb enough to openly discuss the discrimination. You just won't get the promotion. Period.

Quote:
Originally Posted by No Name Face View Post
that's a good point, but as for the employer, it's illegal to discriminate on that clause alone. about your family/mother, if they don't accept you for who you are, then the hell with them. i dunno, that's how i view it.
Well, most of us humans are not strong enough to turn our backs to people we love - or are supposed to love as society tells us to. And - to hell with your mother? She is the reason you are here ... and also partly responsible for your personality, your values, your education, your upbringing ....
Nicjac is offline  
post #9 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 05:45 PM
Senior Member
 
partbrit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 2,305
 
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
I was just wondering if dealing with homophobia is worst than dealing with racism on a personal level.
I think dealing with homophobia, racism and sexism are all equally difficult. I am not making a joke here when I say my heart goes out to black lesbians--they get it three ways.
partbrit is offline  
post #10 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 05:57 PM
Senior Member
 
Nicjac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: TBAA meeting
Posts: 4,243
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by partbrit View Post
I think dealing with homophobia, racism and sexism are all equally difficult. I am not making a joke here when I say my heart goes out to black lesbians--they get it three ways.
You know - I'd be a happy as a sandboy if Condoleezza Rice would become U.S. president. Just think about the impact with regard to discrimination. And - since we are at it - could she be Jewish please? WHAT a combination.

Oh, BTW I do not like her political opinions. I am talking about equal opportunities here.
Nicjac is offline  
post #11 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 06:00 PM
Senior Member
 
Selah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: here
Posts: 640
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by partbrit View Post
I think dealing with homophobia, racism and sexism are all equally difficult. I am not making a joke here when I say my heart goes out to black lesbians--they get it three ways.
Well, i didn't want to get into whose "struggle" is worst but i am just thinking on a personal level, it must be more difficult in terms of acceptance and so on. I don't necessarily agree with your last statement because again, i think dealing with sexual identity is something very personal, and all black lesbians are not coming from the same place. I can go one better too: a black, jewish lesbian.
Selah is offline  
post #12 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 06:14 PM
Senior Member
 
Haute's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Anywhere but here
Posts: 6,920
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicjac View Post
Well, if the world would consist of people like you, nobody would hide in a closet anymore.

Unfortunately, it doesn't. The majority (oh, and maybe your employer and your mother and several others) think differently.
I was looking at our store's anti-discrimination policy when I was eating my lunch yesterday and there was nothing in there about being able to seek legal action in the event that you're fired because of your sexual orientation. Not that I would have to worry about that because I have the best managers ever, but it made me think about if I were in a different situation where my employers weren't socially open-minded. That's a scary thought and becomes a good reason to stay closeted if your job is in peril and you can't do anything about it.

And the parents is kind of a similar situation as well. I'm not 100% out yet, my friends and one of my sisters know, but not my parents because they're devout Catholics. It would be a similar discrimination type effect if I told them now because I would be be kicked out and they wouldn't pay for my college tuition anymore; they paid for both of my sisters to go to college for all 4 years, so why should I have to pay for my own tuition simply because I'm gay?

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes it's hard to be yourself when the world is full of people who are judgmental and vindictive over small stuff.

"I knew I had it in me. And I knew if I fought hard enough, and I kept fighting, even if I kept falling, I was going to get up and do it."


I'm not going to Rupologize!
Haute is offline  
post #13 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 06:16 PM
Senior Member
 
partbrit's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 2,305
 
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

Quote:
i think dealing with sexual identity is something very personal
Yes, it's quite obvious what someone's race and gender are. But the very fact that one's sexual orientation is not obvious is what makes it easy for many people to hide it. And they hide it for very obvious reasons--they don't want to be belittled, overlooked for jobs, whispered about, denied their civil rights, and beaten up. And hiding something that is so vital to one's personal identity is a huge price to pay. Therefore, yes, the personal demons are probably very active and big for those who have not come out.
partbrit is offline  
post #14 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 07:27 PM
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 27,280
 
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

People aren't ashamed of being gay because they are gay.

They're ashamed because the world around them makes them feel that there's something wrong with them.
Kart is offline  
post #15 of 87 (permalink) Old Feb 3rd, 2007, 08:02 PM
Senior Member
 
égalité's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hingistan
Posts: 13,129
                     
Re: i mean...just honest answers please.

From the time you're born, you're raised as straight. Your parents, your teachers, and the media never explain homosexuality as something that you could be, just something that, at best, we should not discriminate against. But it's still something that happens to other people. And then when you realize you're gay, it messes with your head.

Bitttchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh You Better Pay It Honey! The Devil Is A Liar!!!!! Bitches Get Interviews And Shit? Where They Do That At Honey? Girls Are Late Honey!!!! The Queen Needs To Get Into It Honey Cause The Girls Is Late Out Here! Yes Honey Im Throwing Epic Shade!

Management!
égalité is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the TennisForum.com forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome