I am so totally depressed right now - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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I am so totally depressed right now

I would have myself hospitalized, but I have no medical insurance.

My life has disintegrated to a point where it's barely there.

Nothing makes any sense. I am not eating and I probably sleep close to 16 hours a day. I spend my waking moments high.

Sometimes it feels like depression has come to define my life. I've disappointed myself so many times that I don't even try anymore. At anything. I want to be happy with failure.

Suicidal ideations run through my mind all day. I don't know how I can ever fix myself. I'm so broken that I don't think I can ever live a life I can be happy with.

I know one day I'll smile again. There's a season for everything. If I could kill myself without affecting anyone I would. I want to just disappear into the darkness, but there are a few people who would be traumatized if I did that, and for them I have to stay alive and suffer.

Just a few days ago, it seemed like everything I really wanted was coming together. My dreams could've been a reality, but I put all my eggs in one basket, and that basket was tipped over carelessly by the person holding it.

If I live only for myself, not allowing anyone to affect me, life doesn't seem worth living. If I try to live for others, and open my heart and offer my vulnerability, they betray me, consistently.

I don't know what to do. I want to break down and cry, but I'm so used to pain that I can't even shed a tear.
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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

BTW......I'm new to the board
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 04:58 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

im sorry
but welcome to the board!

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

Quote:
Originally Posted by pacomexican View Post
im sorry
but welcome to the board!
Thanks.

I guess it's a case of chocolate. And no pity parties. The way I figure it, people are about as happy as they choose to be.
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:06 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

Hi, I'm new too, it is loads of fun here and good way to cheer yourself up.

I hope everything sorts itself out with you, and your depression goes away.
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:15 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by R.P.McMurphy View Post
Thanks.

I guess it's a case of chocolate. And no pity parties. The way I figure it, people are about as happy as they choose to be.

In a way, you have come to the right place
Most of us are powerless over events that transpire in our life, we seek managebility all the time knowing whats making our life unmanageble. The first step is always Honesty and an admission of defeat, only when our ego is totaly minimized and we reach that point where we become open to sugestions, we finaly can hear the things that may save our life. You may want to seek treatment if all else fails. God Bless you and good luck.
{{{{{{{{R.P. McMurphy}}}}}}}}
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by Staticbeef View Post



In a way, you have come to the right place
Most of us are powerless over events that transpire in our life, we seek managebility all the time knowing whats making our life unmanageble. The first step is always Honesty and an admission of defeat, only when our ego is totaly minimized and we reach that point where we become open to sugestions, we finaly can hear the things that may save our life. You may want to seek treatment if all else fails. God Bless you and good luck.
{{{{{{{{R.P. McMurphy}}}}}}}}
There's a lot of truth to that.

I don't think I'm that way because I really enjoy it. I think I'm that way because I feel like I have to be to survive. Every time I try to treat a person the way I think God would want me to treat them, I am punished.

I use women to fulfill my sexual fantasies. To fill emotional gaps in my soul.

I never considered that I could be the one to be used. I could be the cheap sexual fantasy.

That I'd be left wanting so much more, and deleted like an old porno file that the person had gotten tired of.
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:18 PM
 
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

Quote:
Originally Posted by R.P.McMurphy View Post
I would have myself hospitalized, but I have no medical insurance.

My life has disintegrated to a point where it's barely there.

Nothing makes any sense. I am not eating and I probably sleep close to 16 hours a day. I spend my waking moments high.

Sometimes it feels like depression has come to define my life. I've disappointed myself so many times that I don't even try anymore. At anything. I want to be happy with failure.

Suicidal ideations run through my mind all day. I don't know how I can ever fix myself. I'm so broken that I don't think I can ever live a life I can be happy with.

I know one day I'll smile again. There's a season for everything. If I could kill myself without affecting anyone I would. I want to just disappear into the darkness, but there are a few people who would be traumatized if I did that, and for them I have to stay alive and suffer.

Just a few days ago, it seemed like everything I really wanted was coming together. My dreams could've been a reality, but I put all my eggs in one basket, and that basket was tipped over carelessly by the person holding it.

If I live only for myself, not allowing anyone to affect me, life doesn't seem worth living. If I try to live for others, and open my heart and offer my vulnerability, they betray me, consistently.

I don't know what to do. I want to break down and cry, but I'm so used to pain that I can't even shed a tear.
Call your local community center and ask about counseling services available. They most likely will direct you to several programs that offer counseling based solely on income. Some of the sessions are no more than $10 per visit if you qualify.

If you need medication they will tell you how to obtain it through your local county hospital. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get help soon. Please don't wait because it will just get worser.
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by harloo View Post
Call your local community center and ask about counseling services available. They most likely will direct you to several programs that offer counseling based solely on income. Some of the sessions are no more than $10 per visit if you qualify.

If you need medication they will tell you how to obtain it through your local county hospital. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get help soon. Please don't wait because it will just get worser.
I can't take traditional anti-depressants because I'm bipolar and they make me manic.

Lithium doesn't work for me.

Psychotherapy has beel helpful, but often feels like more trouble than it's worth. If I had the energy to commit to a psychologist, I could just use that energy to work out and get a job, which would probably do me much better.

Again, thanks.
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:31 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

Lol


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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Lol
Bitch
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:38 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by King. View Post
Lol
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:54 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

Awww I am sorry to hear that . It probably won't help you a lot but here are big for you.
Welcome to the board,I hope you will relax here and forget a bit your problems
Btw,you think you'll smile again,I think you have the right attitude,staying optimistic helps to fight against depression.Don't lose hope and try to do activities with the people who care about you and love you so as to not think about your sadness too much.
Good luck and hopefully you will feel better soon

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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 05:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by daniela86 View Post
Awww I am sorry to hear that . It probably won't help you a lot but here are big for you.
Welcome to the board,I hope you will relax here and forget a bit your problems
Btw,you think you'll smile again,I think you have the right attitude,staying optimistic helps to fight against depression.Don't lose hope and try to do activities with the people who care about you and love you so as to not think about your sadness too much.
Good luck and hopefully you will feel better soon
Thanks.

But I must say I'm bitterly disappointed here. I thought at least you would offer to take me shopping for the day.
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 12th, 2006, 09:59 PM
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Re: I am so totally depressed right now

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Originally Posted by Staticbeef View Post



In a way, you have come to the right place
Yes people will cheer you up in here with hilarious posts like these. Welcome!


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