How do you cope with the loss of someone close? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:17 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy How do you cope with the loss of someone close?

My grandma just passed away this morning and I always dreaded this moment.

I always wanted to die young not because I like to die, but the pain of someone so close to you leaving first is just unbearable and I thought if I left first, I would never feel so bad.

I'm not hysterical or anything now. My eyes hurt a lot and now I'm like a living rollercoaster. I can be very calm, but when I somehow think about her and all she did in the past, tears would come easily and I can't stop.

I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way... I'm trying not to, but it's so hard...

I wish someone could just give me advice on how to move on...I'm not too sure if I can...

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:18 PM Thread Starter
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She's a wonderful person and I would like to share this blog entry about her... though mere words could never describe all the wonderful things she have done.. but it is the best I could come up with...

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:19 PM Thread Starter
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A Tribute to the most remarkable lady in the world. Lim Soo Lan (1931-2006)
Lim Soo Lan is my grandma and she has done so much in her life, much more than I'll ever do. I miss her very much, but with all my intelligence, money and life, tears and heartaches, I could never bring her back into my life.

Born in 1931, she was one of the luckiest ones as her family was rich. She survived the Japanses Occupation in a big house accompanied by a series of tunnels. But who would have thought that her life would be so hard on her when she grew older.

She was not given the chance to study, unlike her younger sister, and amazingly, she could speak all sorts of dialect, Hokkien being one of them, Japanese, English, Chinese and even Malay! It makes me wonder, given that skill, had she had the chance to study, would her life had been better?

She was married to my grandfather who I have not had the chance to see, but I heard he was a drunken man, so life must have been tough. But he died early, and she had to single handedly take care of 7 children (2 boys and 5 girls). She brought them about and to the church where she earned her living by sweeping the floor. She managed to ensure all her children at least get a secondary education and she moved into Commonwealth Crescent, a small apartment with only 2 rooms and one living room.

She also helped to babysit neighbourhood kids, one of whom I know is a lovely girl who graduated from university and already gotten married and have never forgotten my grandmother.

Of course, I can't know much more of what happened in the past, she never said beyond all these, but I know it was never easy on her. I mean I can't even handle a few students now, let alone 7 in the same house and raising them.

Anyway, the next generation arrived and so did I. I was posted to Fairfield Methodist. But my dad bought a house in Bukit Batok which meant I had to get up at a crazy 5am everyday. To prevent that, I moved in with my grandma and stayed with her along with my sister.

She would faithfully wake up every morning, for the next 8 years at 530-6am to prepare breakfast for me. I was never late because of her. She always dote on me and gives me the allowance I needed, giving me extra when I requested for it, never questioning suspiciously if I was trying to ask for more than neccessary.

Her wallet was always full. I admit I did take some notes to buy comics when I was in Primary 2. She would never know the difference cos there was so many notes anyway. Maybe she knew, but she never exposed me.

She rarely get upset with me, only once when I was made to kneel down. The occassion was so rare itself that the kneel incident was all I remembered. I can't even remember the reason for it.

There was always food. I never felt hungry at all. Be it at night, in the day, in the wee hours of the morning, she would make dishes as long as my sister and I would say we are hungry. She never complained about us eating at night. Even when she doesn't cook, she would have stuffed us with money to ask us to buy food from the nearby hawker.

She was encouraging too. I never gotten a scolding for any results for tests and exams. My dad on the contrast was strict and I even got beaten for failing spelling in Primary 2. But my grandma was full of nice words. She would say, "It doesn't matter what results you get, as long as you tried your best, that is good enough for me."

Sometimes I did do my best, but sometimes I was lazy and I felt guilty about my poor grades. But she would never judge me. In fact all the way to university, when I was indulged in fantasies of being a professional tennis player instead of finding a normal job like a teacher. She would be the only one in the world who would say that she would support me in whatever I do. She would tell me that there are many people who are successful in life even if studying is not their forte. So she would fully support me if I refused to study in uni.

I went to university anyway. And became a teacher. But she was also happy with the path I took. To her, it was never about what I do. It was more about if I was happy. When I smiled, she would laugh too. She liked seeing our family being happy and close.

I was always a smart alec and loved to argue at home, she would laugh at my "smart" comments and said I should be a lawyer since no one can win me in arguements. Even then I had to argue back. I told her the law course was tough, so I'm not going to study that and she would laugh.

I really wished that I could have won a tennis tournament and be able to tell the whole world how much credit to her that I could do something I liked and excel in it because of this wonderful grandmother, but now I can't. She's left and I miss her so.

I always did tell her I would die young and it would be good cos I won't have to feel the pain of any of my relatives dying. But she couldn't wait for me to go first and this heartache is hurting me. I'm in pain. I miss her. I really do. I hope that whereever she is, she would be happy and remember me like the way I remember her.

I miss you grandma. I really do.

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:22 PM
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Oh Kit Kat, I'm so sorry Sadly it's sthing everyone needs to go through, and all I can tell ya is: be strong and always remember her as she wanted to be remembered.

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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:52 PM
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So sorry about the loss...
I understand, my grandfather passed suddenly back in March. He went in his sleep. My family is so big word got out fast. The first week or so, until the funeral is over is the worst. I pretty much blocked it out until the funeral then it was hard. What was harder was watching my mom, one of the strongest women I know break down during the military part of the ceremony.
But, the best way to deal with it is to remember the good times and not the bad. The passage of time always helps as well.

again.
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:54 PM
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Kat, that is such a beautiful post I am sure you are doing your grandmother justice with it and I think your next of kin would be very moved reading it. I never knew her, of course, but it sketches the image of such a warm, positive woman that would have enrichened everyone's life.

I am so sorry she is gone I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the loss and mourn not over the fact that she is gone, but be happy of all the wonderful memories she has given you.


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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:57 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ¤CharlDa¤
Oh Kit Kat, I'm so sorry Sadly it's sthing everyone needs to go through, and all I can tell ya is: be strong and always remember her as she wanted to be remembered.
thank you..

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:57 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hurricanejeanne
So sorry about the loss...
I understand, my grandfather passed suddenly back in March. He went in his sleep. My family is so big word got out fast. The first week or so, until the funeral is over is the worst. I pretty much blocked it out until the funeral then it was hard. What was harder was watching my mom, one of the strongest women I know break down during the military part of the ceremony.
But, the best way to deal with it is to remember the good times and not the bad. The passage of time always helps as well.

again.
thank you for your advice... i'll try but it is hard... very...

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 07:58 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CooCooCachoo
Kat, that is such a beautiful post I am sure you are doing your grandmother justice with it and I think your next of kin would be very moved reading it. I never knew her, of course, but it sketches the image of such a warm, positive woman that would have enrichened everyone's life.

I am so sorry she is gone I wish you the best of luck in dealing with the loss and mourn not over the fact that she is gone, but be happy of all the wonderful memories she has given you.

thank you for your kind words... but it is the wonderful memories that make me cry... i can't think of anything bad now ..

Don't be deceived by the rankings!! Coria, Mirnyi, Schuettler, Fish, Safin, Henman, Tursunov, Wawrinka, Federer, Serena, Bovina, Li Na, Dementieva, Zvonareva, Sugiyama, Coetzer, Tanasugarn, Kumkhum, Zheng, Dokic and Kournikova are the world's best tennis players!!!


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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by New
My grandma just passed away this morning and I always dreaded this moment.

I always wanted to die young not because I like to die, but the pain of someone so close to you leaving first is just unbearable and I thought if I left first, I would never feel so bad.

I'm not hysterical or anything now. My eyes hurt a lot and now I'm like a living rollercoaster. I can be very calm, but when I somehow think about her and all she did in the past, tears would come easily and I can't stop.

I know she wouldn't want me to feel this way... I'm trying not to, but it's so hard...

I wish someone could just give me advice on how to move on...I'm not too sure if I can...
My grandmother died August 24th last year. When it happened I felt like my own life was over and didn't know how I'd cope living my life without her, as we were very close and I depended on her a lot. But each day got easier to deal with than the day previous. It's a cliche but time does heal. I still think of her every day and miss her immensely but these days I can think about her and not get sad. I just think of all the great memories I have of her.

But I think you need to cry and mourn... so let yourself do it.
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 08:10 PM
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I'm so sorry for you Actually I have never met any of my grandmas cuz both of them died before my birth.
From what you've written you owe so many, and had great time with her. I'm sure those moments will remind in your mind forever. I hope your pain after this terrible loss goes away soon

R.I.P. Lim Soo Lan

Ana Ivanović.
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 10:24 PM
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Martina Navratilova



Most career titles (singles+doubles):Navratilova
Most Wimbledon singles titles: Navratilova
Most Wimbledon singles and doubles titles: Navratilova
Most WTA Tour Championship singles titles: Navratilova
Most WTA Tour Championship doubles titles: Navratilova
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 10:28 PM
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sorry about your loss

MARIA KIRILENKO MARIA SHARAPOVA

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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 10:34 PM
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Originally Posted by New
A Tribute to the most remarkable lady in the world. Lim Soo Lan (1931-2006)
Lim Soo Lan is my grandma and she has done so much in her life, much more than I'll ever do. I miss her very much, but with all my intelligence, money and life, tears and heartaches, I could never bring her back into my life.

Born in 1931, she was one of the luckiest ones as her family was rich. She survived the Japanses Occupation in a big house accompanied by a series of tunnels. But who would have thought that her life would be so hard on her when she grew older.

She was not given the chance to study, unlike her younger sister, and amazingly, she could speak all sorts of dialect, Hokkien being one of them, Japanese, English, Chinese and even Malay! It makes me wonder, given that skill, had she had the chance to study, would her life had been better?

She was married to my grandfather who I have not had the chance to see, but I heard he was a drunken man, so life must have been tough. But he died early, and she had to single handedly take care of 7 children (2 boys and 5 girls). She brought them about and to the church where she earned her living by sweeping the floor. She managed to ensure all her children at least get a secondary education and she moved into Commonwealth Crescent, a small apartment with only 2 rooms and one living room.

She also helped to babysit neighbourhood kids, one of whom I know is a lovely girl who graduated from university and already gotten married and have never forgotten my grandmother.

Of course, I can't know much more of what happened in the past, she never said beyond all these, but I know it was never easy on her. I mean I can't even handle a few students now, let alone 7 in the same house and raising them.

Anyway, the next generation arrived and so did I. I was posted to Fairfield Methodist. But my dad bought a house in Bukit Batok which meant I had to get up at a crazy 5am everyday. To prevent that, I moved in with my grandma and stayed with her along with my sister.

She would faithfully wake up every morning, for the next 8 years at 530-6am to prepare breakfast for me. I was never late because of her. She always dote on me and gives me the allowance I needed, giving me extra when I requested for it, never questioning suspiciously if I was trying to ask for more than neccessary.

Her wallet was always full. I admit I did take some notes to buy comics when I was in Primary 2. She would never know the difference cos there was so many notes anyway. Maybe she knew, but she never exposed me.

She rarely get upset with me, only once when I was made to kneel down. The occassion was so rare itself that the kneel incident was all I remembered. I can't even remember the reason for it.

There was always food. I never felt hungry at all. Be it at night, in the day, in the wee hours of the morning, she would make dishes as long as my sister and I would say we are hungry. She never complained about us eating at night. Even when she doesn't cook, she would have stuffed us with money to ask us to buy food from the nearby hawker.

She was encouraging too. I never gotten a scolding for any results for tests and exams. My dad on the contrast was strict and I even got beaten for failing spelling in Primary 2. But my grandma was full of nice words. She would say, "It doesn't matter what results you get, as long as you tried your best, that is good enough for me."

Sometimes I did do my best, but sometimes I was lazy and I felt guilty about my poor grades. But she would never judge me. In fact all the way to university, when I was indulged in fantasies of being a professional tennis player instead of finding a normal job like a teacher. She would be the only one in the world who would say that she would support me in whatever I do. She would tell me that there are many people who are successful in life even if studying is not their forte. So she would fully support me if I refused to study in uni.

I went to university anyway. And became a teacher. But she was also happy with the path I took. To her, it was never about what I do. It was more about if I was happy. When I smiled, she would laugh too. She liked seeing our family being happy and close.

I was always a smart alec and loved to argue at home, she would laugh at my "smart" comments and said I should be a lawyer since no one can win me in arguements. Even then I had to argue back. I told her the law course was tough, so I'm not going to study that and she would laugh.

I really wished that I could have won a tennis tournament and be able to tell the whole world how much credit to her that I could do something I liked and excel in it because of this wonderful grandmother, but now I can't. She's left and I miss her so.

I always did tell her I would die young and it would be good cos I won't have to feel the pain of any of my relatives dying. But she couldn't wait for me to go first and this heartache is hurting me. I'm in pain. I miss her. I really do. I hope that whereever she is, she would be happy and remember me like the way I remember her.

I miss you grandma. I really do.



Martina Navratilova



Most career titles (singles+doubles):Navratilova
Most Wimbledon singles titles: Navratilova
Most Wimbledon singles and doubles titles: Navratilova
Most WTA Tour Championship singles titles: Navratilova
Most WTA Tour Championship doubles titles: Navratilova
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old Aug 6th, 2006, 10:57 PM
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I read every word of your tribute and it was beautiful.

I'm very sorry for you and the people who loved her.

What to do when someone you love passes on: write a tribute to him or her! Express all the things you appreciate about the person, and list all of the good memories that you will cherish the rest of your life.

And that is exactly what you did, so you know the answer.

The pain will pass, and what she left you is with you always.
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