My friend wants to kill himself - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Red face My friend wants to kill himself

One of my friends wants to kill himself and I don't know what to do I am his closest friend (and pretty much his only friend to be honest) and he has been getting on my nerves all year and me and my group have been ignoring him most of the year because he's always grumpy and thinks the whole world is against him. One of his family members died from cancer a few months ago and he is still upset about it, though he never shows or mentions it. He is angry at me and my other friends because we talk about him behind his back and sometimes to his face (because we don't like him really) and he thinks we don't think he has feelings. He said he might kill himself or one of my friends who has been 'not so nice to him' lately. I don't think he'd kill me (at least I hope not ) because i have been his only friend for many years now but he has gotten worse and worse. I think he expects me to be nicer to him now because he has said these things but I don't really want to have to put up with his misery for much longer. He always follows me around and rings me up and I don't really know what I should do.
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post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:42 AM
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The most appropriate thing if you should go to counsellor or him....

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post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotduncz_!8
The most appropriate thing if you should go to counsellor or him....
okay maybe I will just do that. Hopefully it will help...
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post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:47 AM
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OMG, that's a terrible story.

You know, I once did a mistake and lost all my friends because of that (at least nearly). It was around Christmas, I was upset, I was desperate and so on.
I tried to reestablish myself, but it was not worth it. Then I just accepted that I have no chance anymore in this group. Then I found new friends and am happier than ever in that group, although all are from outside school so that it is quite tough at school, but I just don't care about that anymore and when the day is over I see my "other" life.

In your friend's case, I think it is a bit similair. You call him your friend, but on the other hand you say that he is getting on your nerves. You said your group doesn't like him any longer, but I ask myself if he ever was in the group then. I mean you said he is not a real memeber of it. Probably he has to recognize that first of all.
The thing about killing himself: He sounds desperate, but also afraid of death. This is only a way to catch attention, but nowhere at all a serious intention he has. He wants to be tolerated, accepted, but he sees that he fails at that all the time, so now he tries it that way.

I really don't think that he will kill himself. You should make him clear how you see your friendship and the future for him in your group. Maybe you should propose him not to do anything together for a certain time span and when he feels better he can come to you and have a talk about everything.

Hope I could help you a bit.

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post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:55 AM
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Maybe you can talk with him and try to understand what he going to through like pretends to be a counsellor so; it might help him to get better. It's just a thought. If nothing changed then you have no choice but tell his parents about it and send him to counsellor if need. I'm sure it would be everything going to calm in few months.

However, seeing a counsellor doesn't work for me from years ago. The only way to get better is solve the problem by myself.


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post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 09:56 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazillo
OMG, that's a terrible story.

You know, I once did a mistake and lost all my friends because of that (at least nearly). It was around Christmas, I was upset, I was desperate and so on.
I tried to reestablish myself, but it was not worth it. Then I just accepted that I have no chance anymore in this group. Then I found new friends and am happier than ever in that group, although all are from outside school so that it is quite tough at school, but I just don't care aobut that anymore and when the day is over I see my "other" life.

In your friend's case, I think it is a bit similair. You call him your friend, but on the other hand you say that he is getting on your nerves. You said your group doesn't like him any longer, but I ask myself if he ever wasi n the group then. I mean you said he is not a real memeber of it. Probably he has to recognize that first of all.
The thing about killing himself: He sounds desperate, but also afraid from death. This is only a way to catch attention, but nowhere at all a serious intention he has. He wants to be tolerated, accepted, but he sees that he fails all the time, so now he tries it that way.

I really don't think that he will kill himself. You should make him clear how you see your friendship, the future for him in your group. Maybe you should propose him not to do anything together for a certain time span and when he feels better he can come to you and have a talk about everything.

Hope I could help you a bit.
Sorry to hear that about you Sascha...

Yes he used to be my best friend until this year when he went weird...everyone in my group just wants me to say something to him because I am probably the closest to him. He has been (or was) in our group for a year or two but before this group, we were in another group of 4 which split up because two of the other guys left because they were sick of him...
A few weeks ago we went to one of my friends house and he turned up uninvited, even though we told him through txt messages not to bother...it's not like we haven't made it obvious we don't like him, we have dropped a million hints but he just doesn't get it. One week he asked me why everyone 'hates him' and i said because he has such a negative dimena and attitude and people don't want to be around that, but he just said that that's the person he is and he can't change it.

Thanks for the advice Sascha, I think I will just talk to him and hopefully he will just understand that he needs to change his attitude. I think you're right that he is just looking for attention and acceptance.
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post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:21 AM
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Sometimes people just don't feel they can go on and live any longer. The pain of suffering through every day and barely feeling that you can even breath is overwhelming. Obviously this friend is in a tough spot now, and by you and your other friends turning your back on him in his time of need is contributing to the problem. A true friend would have such a flagrant disregard for their friend's emotional and mental well being. Obviously your friend has been trying to reach out to you and your group for help; hence the change in his demeanor. But your group however has seen this as more of an inconvenience to your own lives and have segregated yourselves from him and even shunned your friend in need to status less than he was before; which ultimately just has exacerbated the whole situation to a new level. While I don't proclaim to know anything about your friend, it just seems to me that he's been trying to get your attention and help fighting through whatever ill has befallen him. A lot of people suicide is a viable option, myself included. However, your friend is reaching out; and has been. If his cries for help continue to be ignored, or worse yet continue to be used negatively against him, he most likely will resort with the only action he feels remains to end his suffering.
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post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:24 AM
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Whatever you do, don't tell him that you got his lifesaving advice from your buddies at WTAWorld.

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post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjiboy
turned up uninvited, even though we told him through txt messages not to bother.
He needs support and compassion and help, not to be ignored and further denounced.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjiboy
it's not like we haven't made it obvious we don't like him, we have dropped a million hints but he just doesn't get it.
If your group are his 'friends' and treat him that way, I'd hate to meet his enemies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjiboy
One week he asked me why everyone 'hates him' and i said because he has such a negative dimena and attitude and people don't want to be around that, but he just said that that's the person he is and he can't change it.
You should never push a desperate soul closer to suicide by agreeing that everyone hates him. He's also admitting that he can't change on his own. He's given you all the tools you need to help him help himself; you just haven't been able to get passed yourselves and be proactive. Continuing to create and foster a negative feel of self-worth for you friend is more distructive than anything. He's calling out for help and your group seems to self absorbed to be bothered to try.

Just my two cents.
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post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:30 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athenaeum
Sometimes people just don't feel they can go on and live any longer. The pain of suffering through every day and barely feeling that you can even breath is overwhelming. Obviously this friend is in a tough spot now, and by you and your other friends turning your back on him in his time of need is contributing to the problem. A true friend would have such a flagrant disregard for their friend's emotional and mental well being. Obviously your friend has been trying to reach out to you and your group for help; hence the change in his demeanor. But your group however has seen this as more of an inconvenience to your own lives and have segregated yourselves from him and even shunned your friend in need to status less than he was before; which ultimately just has exacerbated the whole situation to a new level. While I don't proclaim to know anything about your friend, it just seems to me that he's been trying to get your attention and help fighting through whatever ill has befallen him. A lot of people suicide is a viable option, myself included. However, your friend is reaching out; and has been. If his cries for help continue to be ignored, or worse yet continue to be used negatively against him, he most likely will resort with the only action he feels remains to end his suffering.
Maybe i explained it wrong. I've tried talking to him and i've been nothing more than a friend to him until recently when he's gotten bad. Our group has never really wanted to be his friend yet he hangs around us so that he thinks he is part of our group, and now he tries to make us feel bad. Honestly, if I really thought he was going to kill himself I would have done something. I know it looks like we have shunned him and that hasn't helped, but some people in my group have never really liked him and I can't see them helping him out when he has been so pessimisstic and agressive towards them for over a year. He loves the idea of suicide and he is a self-proclaimed emo (even though he doesn't look like an emo and emo's don't confess being emo) so he thinks that kind of thing is cool. He's the kind of person who can mock other people but can't laugh at himself. He's had my attention for a long time and he just expects me and others to accept him and be his friend when he gives us no reason to. My other friends think that we should just tell him that he needs to change his attitude. Seriously, who wants to hang around someone who's always pessimisstic and can mock others but not himself? But yes I will talk to him because I can see he needs help. Thanks for putting it into perspective.
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post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjiboy
Maybe i explained it wrong. ...
Point taken.
I just am overly sympathetic to someone who wants to commit suicide and needs help as I nearly lose that battle myself everyday.
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post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:33 AM
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You claim to be one of his closest friends, yet admit to talking behind his back and ignoring him.....that doesn't come close to my definition of what being a friend entails.
If he is going through such a difficutlt time then he needs some compassion.
It may all be a cry for attention....but you should never dismiss someone in such a situation.

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post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:33 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athenaeum
You should never push a desperate soul closer to suicide by agreeing that everyone hates him. He's also admitting that he can't change on his own. He's given you all the tools you need to help him help himself; you just haven't been able to get passed yourselves and be proactive. Continuing to create and foster a negative feel of self-worth for you friend is more distructive than anything. He's calling out for help and your group seems to self absorbed to be bothered to try.

Just my two cents.
Don't worry, when he asked me why everyone hates him I said they don't, but they aren't friendly to him because he has a negative attitude. We're not self absorbed. You are obviously reading it wrong. Don't get me wrong I would be the first person to help someone if they were thinking of commiting suicide. But you just don't know this guy...it's so hard to explain.
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post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bionic71
You claim to be one of his closest friends, yet admit to talking behind his back and ignoring him.....that doesn't come close to my definition of what being a friend entails.
If he is going through such a difficutlt time then he needs some compassion.
It may all be a cry for attention....but you should never dismiss someone in such a situation.
I used to be his closest friend, I don't see why I should be forced to be his friend because other people don't like him. He knows that I don't like him all that much as I used to, but he just clings to me because he doesn't know where else to go. I know I sound harsh but....it's easy to say that you would help someone in a situation like this, but it's another thing doing it if you know what my friend is like.
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post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old May 18th, 2006, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benjiboy
Maybe i explained it wrong. I've tried talking to him and i've been nothing more than a friend to him until recently when he's gotten bad. Our group has never really wanted to be his friend yet he hangs around us so that he thinks he is part of our group, and now he tries to make us feel bad. Honestly, if I really thought he was going to kill himself I would have done something. I know it looks like we have shunned him and that hasn't helped, but some people in my group have never really liked him and I can't see them helping him out when he has been so pessimisstic and agressive towards them for over a year. He loves the idea of suicide and he is a self-proclaimed emo (even though he doesn't look like an emo and emo's don't confess being emo) so he thinks that kind of thing is cool. He's the kind of person who can mock other people but can't laugh at himself. He's had my attention for a long time and he just expects me and others to accept him and be his friend when he gives us no reason to. My other friends think that we should just tell him that he needs to change his attitude. Seriously, who wants to hang around someone who's always pessimisstic and can mock others but not himself? But yes I will talk to him because I can see he needs help. Thanks for putting it into perspective.
Just read this second post of yours....
I understand that he may not be a great person to have around at the moment....

How old is this "group"? Are we talking school age????

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