I just can't handle anymore of this.. - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 01:50 AM Thread Starter
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I just can't handle anymore of this..

I don't really know where to begin, but I'll start anyway.

Me and my mother have never gotten along, but in the past 9 months.. it is literally like a warzone. I cannot describe it in words how bad it is. There are NO happy times or laughing between us. NEVER. It is always arguing & fighting. No exaggeration. Just pure brutality.

I hate to say it like this, but it truly is not my fault. My mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic and has not been on her medication in, oh what'dya know.. 9 MONTHS (the length of time we've really been at each other's necks) You cannot understand how horrible it is. I try to get along with her, and I'd totally be willing to if she would. For instance, this morning I knocked on her door and said "hey boo, ready to start the day?" and she responded in a defensive tone "uh... maybe. why? is there a certain way i'm suppose to approach it?" EVERYTIME. EVERYTIME I talk to her it is something just random & crazy like that. I am a very open-minded and impulsive person.. although I know when to watch what I say, but other than that.. I tell the truth and I express my emotions heavily. I am a very emotional & open person. She doesn't want me to be that. She is a psychotic obsessed Christian and the only thing she knows is God & the Bible. Me, on the other hand, I am completely the opposite. I am very into big cities and shopping, having a few drinks, vacations, traveling, cafes, movies, music, plays, etc.

Last night I asked her which dessert that was on the table was better, the oatmeal cookies or the blueberry muffins. And she hatefully responded "they're the same. it doesn't matter." She is ALWAYS defensive. EVERYTHING. You could be as sweet as you possibly could be, and she'd just answer you rudely.

Another thing is is that she pauses. Yesterday I had to take her to get groceries, so I went into her room saying we needed to be ready to go by 1:10, and it was 12:50.. because I had to have lunch with friends, and she agreed. So at 1:10 I go in there, she is in the exact same position as when I left just standing there. She does this numerous times a day. Just the other day, she did not leave from the same position in her bathroom for over 16 hours. It is absolutely nuts.

She also has this obsessive fixation with the house being SPOTLESS. It can NEVER EVER have anything out of place or she will go ballistic. I can't help but constantly scream at her because I just don't want to give into her crazy antics. I'm afraid it will brainwash me. So I stick for what I believe in.

I personally don't think I've gone into the "crazy" part enough, because that's what it all is about. She always tells me I'm going to Hell if I don't change my evil ways and that I work for the Devil.

In the past 3 days, I have reached points farther than I have ever wanted to go. I am getting so close to just slapping her or hurting her somehow.. but I just don't and cant. But alot of things in the house have been broken in the past 6 months, but as I say, it's better to hit the floor with a glass vase than her face, because that is exactly where it would go if I didn't throw it down.

The thing is, I am such a nice and happy person.. and I never have or wanted to feel this way. But you can only be pushed so far until you reach a breaking point.. she's totally turned my happy & fun-loving soul into an angry-hateful resentful one. I hate her for that.

I just can't escape it. We are so dependent on each other (she doesn't drive, so I have to take her whenever she needs to go.. what a great life for a teen) and if I don't do as she pleases, she won't buy me food or medication for my illness.

Just think of Carrie White's mother (from the 1978 Classic Carrie) to abit lesser extent. And for the arguing, if you've ever seen The Surreal Life 5 with Omarosa & Janice Dickinson, think that multiplied by five. I have such a hatred for her.. I say such mean things and I just want her to cry or feel hurt by it.. but she doesn't. She has no feelings or emotions because of the fact that she's been off her meds for so long. I just want her to see how much I hate her right now.

It isn't just at home that this affects me, obviously it follows me around. It is not good to be constantly stressed, it takes a huge toll on your body and takes alot of time to recover from and I actually have a adrenal gland disorder (from being under stress for so long) and I have to slowly build them back up to get back to healthy conditions, but I can't when I'm in constant battle with my mother.

I just don't see why I have to go through this. This has happened when I was 10 years old and I literally had to sit there and feed her like a baby because she would not eat and she would not talk. The only noises she'd make were grunts, and motioning to her mouth that she was hungry. I'd have to cook and put a spoon in her mouth for her to eat. Not to mention the times she would call random people saying there were police men outside of her window stalking her, watching her get dressed. I had to stay with numerous family members for months at a time.

I just really hate her right now, and I just had to let this all out. I've kept it in for way too long and I am really at a breaking point. I'm not even going to my Graduation, I'm just going to get my diploma and leave the day after. That's how horrible this is. Oh well, 2 more weeks.. and once I leave, I'm not getting in contact with her again until she is on her medication & being normal, if ever.

Last edited by Perfection; May 1st, 2006 at 02:05 AM.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 02:10 AM
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I'm sorry to hear what's going on in your life...

Let me just say I want you to remember your mother has an illness and when she's mean, hateful and just crazy it's her disease doing the talking.

Do your maternal grandparents know she's not taking her medication? Unfortunately mentally ill people go through periods of thinking they don't need their medications and decide to take themselves off of them.

Call your local mental health facility and see what they have to offer as help to you. You shouldn't have to deal with your mother all by yourself.

What kind of adult support system do you have?
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 02:20 AM
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Im really really sorry that all this is going on to you
I hope ur mom gets better
I wish i could make it all better for u
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 02:26 AM
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She sounds bad for you. Do you have a job? If it's really as bad as you depict it (and it sounds pretty bad) you need to leave. Once my psychotic mother started pulling her drunken shit on me and manipulating me when I was 15 I was out of there. I know I can't make a great decision based on one post by you but it sounds like a good option.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 02:58 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocketta
I'm sorry to hear what's going on in your life...

Let me just say I want you to remember your mother has an illness and when she's mean, hateful and just crazy it's her disease doing the talking.

Do your maternal grandparents know she's not taking her medication? Unfortunately mentally ill people go through periods of thinking they don't need their medications and decide to take themselves off of them.

Call your local mental health facility and see what they have to offer as help to you. You shouldn't have to deal with your mother all by yourself.

What kind of adult support system do you have?
Yes, I've done everything. Most recently I called the Police hoping they would take her to the emergency room and give her an emergency shot of the medicine she takes, but they had no legal right to arrest her, so they had to go. All my family knows about her not taking her medicine, and they can't be around her for longer than an hour. She use to be really close with her brother, George & her sister, Wanda. But they can't take being around her, so she's left here with me.

Them = 1 Hour With Her
Me = 24 Hours A Day With Her (minus the times I have school and go with friends)

I called the mental health clinic and they had no options because it's her right to not want to take it. What is an adult support system?
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:00 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pheobo
She sounds bad for you. Do you have a job? If it's really as bad as you depict it (and it sounds pretty bad) you need to leave. Once my psychotic mother started pulling her drunken shit on me and manipulating me when I was 15 I was out of there. I know I can't make a great decision based on one post by you but it sounds like a good option.
Thanks pacomexican.

I can't just leave.. trust me, I would if I could. Where did you go, if you don't mind me asking? Yes, manipulating and patronizing is the same thing my mom does to me too.

Well, I can't leave for another 2 weeks. But then I'm out of High School & I'm going to stay with my friend in Portland. (I hope so atleast, and if not, then I'd rather just live on the streets than stay here)

Thanks everyone for the support, I really have noone to talk to about this so it's a big help when people lend a helping hand. Thank you so much.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:02 AM
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is there any help you can get from the health facilitors over there?

perhaps you could alert the health care workers in charge of her to help you out with this. maybe they can help make sure she consumes her medication?

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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:03 AM
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ok, i just saw yr post tt the health clinic can't do much...

sorry, but i;ve no ideas on what you could do...

but meanwhile, hope your mum starts taking her medication soon... take care...

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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:04 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Williams Rulez
is there any help you can get from the health facilitors over there?

perhaps you could alert the health care workers in charge of her to help you out with this. maybe they can help make sure she consumes her medication?
As I said before, she refuses to and they can't make her. It's the law. And it takes about a month for an application to register in for her to be able to get her medical shot, and sometimes I can talk her into it.. but by the time she fills out the paperwork and everything, she goes back to believing she doesn't need the medicine because "God healed her" and she doesn't carry through.

It's very frustrating. It seems there is always a blockade in my way.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfection
Thanks pacomexican.

I can't just leave.. trust me, I would if I could. Where did you go, if you don't mind me asking? Yes, manipulating and patronizing is the same thing my mom does to me too.

Well, I can't leave for another 2 weeks. But then I'm out of High School & I'm going to stay with my friend in Portland. (I hope so atleast, and if not, then I'd rather just live on the streets than stay here)

Thanks everyone for the support, I really have noone to talk to about this so it's a big help when people lend a helping hand. Thank you so much.

I was emancipated and I moved into an apartment.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck though!
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfection
Yes, I've done everything. Most recently I called the Police hoping they would take her to the emergency room and give her an emergency shot of the medicine she takes, but they had no legal right to arrest her, so they had to go. All my family knows about her not taking her medicine, and they can't be around her for longer than an hour. She use to be really close with her brother, George & her sister, Wanda. But they can't take being around her, so she's left here with me.

Them = 1 Hour With Her
Me = 24 Hours A Day With Her (minus the times I have school and go with friends)

I called the mental health clinic and they had no options because it's her right to not want to take it. What is an adult support system?
Thats really unfair. I understand why they would not want to spend much time around her, but why do they just leave it all to you?

I think going to stay with your friend once you finish school is a good decision

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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:27 AM
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Hon, your mother is a certified whackjob to put it bluntly. Get her on her medications again or get some help to do that. And you yourself are over-sensitive. Like the cookie example you gave... You are totally overreacting. If she wants to think they're all the same let her! You need tougher skin and not take everything she says so literally. Remember, she's crazy! When in doubt, ignore. Bite your tongue and don't say anything. Example: You ask her how her day was. She tells you it was crap as usual and is rude. What do you do? Say "ok" and walk the hell away. You don't need to be confrontational about these kinds of things. You must ask yourself if getting in the last word is worth breaking the peace. I think in the end you'll find out that it isn't.

If things are really bad perhaps you should look into getting her committed. Contact a lawyer and your mother's doctors for further advice going that route.

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.

Last edited by Sally Struthers; May 1st, 2006 at 08:23 PM.
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 03:30 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your mother.
Mother sometimes can be annoying and crazy in their actions even if they're not so I am sure this is 100 times worse than that.
She seems like the perfect maid though.
What person wouldn't want a person who keeps the house spotless and stays in one place for hours at a time to keep up the place.
She's kinda like a Roomba in a way.

It's tough dealing with family members who have bi-polar disorders.
There are so many emotions going on and most of them aren't very good.
There always seems to be this feeling of being torn and wondering if things will ever get better.
Will things get worse if I leave?
Why do I feel this burden on me all the time?
Why do I feel alone?
Should I feel bad if I commit her?
It's going to be tough choice either way but one thing is obvious, you can't do anymore but hurt yourself if she is making the choice of not taking her medicine.

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Something needs to change.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 04:14 AM
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Dam! You know, this is exactly the kind of stuff I nave to work with on a daily basis! And if you were in Toronto, I would be able to do something concrete for you. But all I can offer is a website that might help you better deal with the problems that you are dealing with. http://www.camh.net I work with the staff at this place and they have alot of tools.

<a href=http://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAcQjRxqFQoTCK7shNTZu8gCFQw2PgodXisBWg&url=http%3A%2F%2Fatpbackspin.blogspot.com%2F2007%2F12%2Ftop-10-modern-olympic-tennis-moments.html&bvm=bv.104819420,d.cWw&psig=AFQjCNE-uVO0MZr3SfnqI_iaGaeknDLepA&ust=1444696940981736 target=_blank><img src=http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39938000/jpg/_39938194_capriati203.jpg border=0 alt= /></a>

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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old May 1st, 2006, 04:16 AM
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I have mental illness in my family too, although not so severe, and I was out of the house when it got its worst. Are you the primary caregiver then? No father or older sibling to handle things? Child welfare should be responsible to get you out of there if you are in a crisis, especially if it is potentially dangerous for either one of you. You need right now to know your fallback plan in case of a crisis (including your crisis) - contact some people and ask those questions.

It's very troubling that you aren't getting the help that is needed from your family, or from social services.

It sounds like you are in a little bit of a co-dependent battle. In a way, she is loving you by engaging in this with you, strange as it may seem, and vice versa for you. Try some experiments: Try rearranging the circumstances in every way you can, for example communicate differently than you always do, and react to her differently than you always do (you can pretend like you are acting - be somebody else). Change your routine and the hours you are home as much as you reasonably can. Do some things really pleasant and unexpected (bring food or flowers) then expect nothing in way of response. Try putting some order and your own control into the routine, doing things on a certain schedule, and don't be flexible if it doesn't happen, that opportunity is gone. Separate your emotions from the situation.... again you can pretend as if you are acting, in this case you act as if you are the hired help, when it suits you.

Some of this involves stepping out of the circumstances personally, and looking in on them as if from the outside. Depersonalize it.

If you are inclined to reading either memiors or strategy books, there are both.

Books by people with mentally ill parents... you may take away some wisdom from these.
DAUGHTER OF THE QUEEN OF SHEBA, By Jacki Lyden
Saving Millie: A Daughter's Story of Surviving Schizophrenia by Tina Kotulski

72-Hour Hold by Bebe Moore Campbell

Of course, Augusten Burroughs books are hilarious and might not be extremely helpful but they are outrageous and hilarious if you are pretty open-minded. (highly recommended by me! but again, not super-helpful information-wise)

And books on coping strategies on the topic.

How to Live With a Mentally Ill Person: A Handbook of Day-To-Day Strategies by Christine Adamec, D. J. Jaffe,
When Someone You Love Has a Mental Illness: A Handbook for Family, Friends, and Caregivers, by Rebecca Woolis, Agnes Hatfied

Hope any of this helps.... good luck!
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