How to deal with a heartbreak? - TennisForum.com

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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 18th, 2006, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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How to deal with a heartbreak?

Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you

Thanks y'all

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 18th, 2006, 09:57 PM
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Wow....sorry to hear about that. That's a tough one for you. Right now I would that one of the most important things is to keep that connection going, as it seems as if you two had a great relationship. I am just ending a 10 year relationship myself, and the most important thing to me is keeping our friendship, as we both care for each other. I am leaving to dinner now, but I will respond more to this later. I certainly relate to your feelings right now....
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 18th, 2006, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks, that was kinda nice Being cheesy helps me getting through it, sorry

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 04:03 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the support guys

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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 06:20 AM
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If the guy does not want you, hanging around him and hoping that he'll change his mind is a waste of time. And further more it makes you look pathetic . You need to move on with your life to bigger and better things! Just accept that it's over for now and if he does change his mind in the future and wants to get back with you and you do as well count it as a bonus. Clearly he is not ready yet. You have violated one of Sally's Top 10 Rules of Attraction and Relationships: You are not a bellhop so don't pick up people with baggage. What is waiting for him going to do besides cause you more anxiety and frustration over a longer period? Uncertainty is not good. You need closure. This does not necessarily mean that you have to shut him out of your life completely (although it might well be easier), but you do need to close the door in your head about the possiblity of an intimate relationship with him.

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.

Last edited by Sally Struthers; Feb 19th, 2006 at 06:32 AM.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 09:14 AM
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Dont hang around. Get him completely out of your life. in your own private moments let yourself mourn and cry...but if you see him, be your happy self.

I went through a heartbreak last year. The only man I ever loved really hurt me. I broke up with him, and I was so devastated. It is still weird today to see him. Like, Im a super hardcore bitch to him. I say hi, and fake a smile and that's it. Like...Im not saying to do that, but you need to move on and just allow yourself time to heal. If after you are okay, you want to speak to him you can...but it will be hard for a long time.

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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 09:33 AM
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I agreed with everyone on what they are saying!
If there anything you don't understand of what they are saying, maybe a counsellor might help you out and make you understand, and also will make your life alots better too. Thats what i did when i was younger around 15 or 16 and its really helped!

I really hope (my fingers crossed) that you are still in a good friendship with that guy! Other things is - If you really want to talk to your ex-boyfriend, don't talk about relationship or between both of you and him. Just talk about something about like sports, musics, cars or scenic tours, etc! <---thats the best thing to hold your friendship for longer more than 10 years!

Rest In Peace, Elena Baltacha
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 10:10 AM
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I am going through the same. My boyfriend broke up to days ago after 6-7 months. I can't eat really and when I think of the good times, I cry because it's over.

If he was a good friend of you, you shall use him as a friend. You are going through a bad time and I think he can support you.
This is just what I feel, it's the first time I go through it, but this is how I am gonna do it. Use him as that best friend he still is. If he cares for you, he will be there!

I hope you get through it

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Kim - The future number one(no jinxing!)
Nadal - making a rafalution

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 11:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ¤CharlDa¤
Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you

Thanks y'all
Nope not offended at all.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ¤CharlDa¤
Hey guys!

We'll in the past few months, I've been building a relationship with a guy i really love. We are very similar, share the same passion and really were great together. Only thing is, we weren't at the same level of acception with our sexual orientation, or completely not on the same track, which created problems. I was fully ready to get in a relationship with a guy, and he was the perfect one for me.

Yesterday, he told me that he got in a relationship with a girl. I'm not really that shocked, I saw it coming, but it still hurts me a lot. He was very sensitive about it and really looked upset at how affected I was. In those 9 months we've been talking, I really started being attached to him.

I don't think I'm reacting how I should to what is happening. Instead of being pissed at him, I discovered even more why i loved him, his sensibility, his attention to others and our ressemblance. I can't push him out of my life, for the moment I need him. I know I might have to switch my love to friendship, and I'm wondering if I'll be strong enough to do so.

So my question is, how should I deal with it? Should I forget him completely, get him out of my life, as hard as it may be. Or should I try to be stronger, keep on talking to him and try to build on a strong friendship, or should I keep on waiting for him, cause I know deep down inside he has doubts about what he is doing?

And cutie, if you read this, I hope you won't feel offended. I strongly need help from others right now. And don't feel like it is your fault either, I'm sure you are doing what is best for you

Thanks y'all
This sort of situation is really tough (on both sides, but especially yours). Since you aren't angry at him and he's being sensitive, it might be extreme to cut him out of your life completely. It sounds like you connect on many levels. However, you may find that some time apart, or at least less frequent contact, will help you to stop thinking about him constantly, and move on. I have exes and ex-crushes that I have become friends with again, but usually this was only after a period of time apart. You may always have feelings for him, but after time they can become "manageable" and hopefully won't get in the way of friendship. Good luck.
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 05:28 PM
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If you KNOW you can COMPLETELY see him as a friend and ONLY a friend, then stay in contact with him.

If you CAN'T, then don't have him in your life for awhile. Time and distance DOES heal these kinds of wounds. Maybe after a certain amount of time apart, you CAN be friends again.

Good luck!
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 06:07 PM
 
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Seeing that he only broke the news to you yesterday it might be wise to spend some time absorbing it before making any rash decisions about forgetting him altogether.

Don't waste any time waiting for him to come out of his bicurious stage though - you could die of old age long before then.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 06:20 PM
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wow, everyone has given such good advice and i agree with everyone! I don't know if you can be his friend? That abilitity to be friends after a relationship varies from person to person.

So for right now, in a romantic sense, move on. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna hurt like hell. You're gonna cry. You're gonna wanna know more answers. You're gonna wanna call him. Blah blah. But you have to fight it. You *DON'T* NEED him! You will be surprised how much you can live without *needing* someone else you have strong feelings for. You'd be surprised how well you can get over someone if you force yourself to accept that it's over, because he has obviously accepted it by moving on. And his moving on is why you have to move on. This is a growing experience. If you allow yourself to hurt, but allow yourself to fight the hurt and resist the temptation of wanting to be romantic with him again, then you will come out of this such a stronger person, and when you come out of it, it will feel sooooooo good. It's almost feels as good as coming out of a psychological illness, something you had to really mentally fight to climb out of.

Oh yeah, and one last thing that will help--WATCH OPRAH!

I'm a young girl, an old WTAWorld member.
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 06:30 PM
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I'm so sorry, CD!

My advise would be break free for a little while until you get your feelings in check and when you know that you can be around him without it hurting to much then pursue having a friendship again.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old Feb 19th, 2006, 07:26 PM
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In my experience, it will take a lot longer to get over your loss if you try to remain friends.....a LOT longer. It may be worth it, it may not. That's a value judgment.

In the meantime: sleep around, get the shit pounded out of you, drive recklessly, get arrested, get fired from your job, get evicted, start smoking and get a tattoo....all while drunk.

"When we are young we generally estimate an opinion by the size of the person that holds it, but later we find that is an uncertain rule, for we realize that there are times when a hornet's opinion disturbs us more than an emperor's" - Mark Twain

"The noblest work of God? Man. Who found it out? Man." - Mark Twain

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Menken
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