A day in the life of Britney Spears - TennisForum.com
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 12th, 2006, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
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A day in the life of Britney Spears

Dear Diary, can I please borrow a cigarette?


08:41 AM CST on Thursday, February 9, 2006
By GORDON KEITH

Dear Diary,

I am like soooo pissed! I know you don't read the paper, because you don't have eyes, but some crazy popper-rotsee (sp?) took a picture of me, driving in my car, minding my own business, with my baby TASTEFULLY sitting on my lap as I sped away down the Specific Coast Highway. Now the press is having a feel day with it! They are calling me the worst mother since my own. I don't think they realize how difficult it is to be a mother, trying to lose all that weight.

Whew! Sorry to unload on you like this, but I want at least one person (you are like a best friend!) to know the truth.

I had just come out of the Malibu Starbucks with my non-fat Caramel Mocha Ding Dong (I get that everyday, yum!) and then I see all these camera guys crowded around my trunk, so I am thinking, oh my God, they are going to break into my trunk and take my baby out. So I did what any good, worried mother would do. I hid in the bathroom and smoked. Then it hit me. I needed to get my baby out of arm's way! So I put on my makeup, ran out of there and grabbed my baby.

Then I got in my car and screamed at the pauper-rachtsee (that is Mexican for photography, BTW). I pealed out of there! My bodyguard, the one I just hired, was in the passenger's seat doing nothing the whole time. So I told him to grab the wheel as I tried to hold my steaming hot coffee at least a foot above my baby's head while I hid my cigarettes. (I'm trying to quit, so I try to hide them from myself! CLEVER.)

Now everyone is mad at me, and I am the top story, even above the death of Loretta Scott Key, the singer of our national anthem.

I can't believe that I am public enemy No. 1 when there are not only killers out there, but murderers too as well. Really, is it so wrong to drive with a baby in your lap, windows down, along a road bound by a ravine that descends 200 feet into the ocean, in a car chase? It's not like I was about to crash. And besides, aren't babies' bones made of rubber anyway? I'm just saying.

BTW, Kevin and I got divorced again last night.

Britney

But I, being poor, have only my dreams
I have spread my dreams under your feet
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 12th, 2006, 07:49 PM
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But it almost sounds like it could be true...

No.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 12th, 2006, 08:03 PM
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so mean but sooo fucking funny!

Serena: Australian Open Champion 2005

Venus: Wimbledon Champion 2005

Amelie Mauresmo- Amazing! YEC Champ 2005, AO 2006 CHAMP!!

Myskina, Davenport, Kuznetsova, Golovin, Ivanovic, Pierce, Schnyder, Mirza, Benesova

Lindsay Lee Waters, A-L Groenefeld, Dally Randriantefy, Nadia Petrova, Alicia Molik, Kim Clijsters

Roger Federer Forever!


"I was ready to die on the court today"-Amelie Mauresmo
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 05:27 AM
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too good!

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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 05:39 AM
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Loved it.


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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 05:40 AM
Gone with the Wind fabulous!
 
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Oh my gosh that is so freaking hilarious!!!
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 05:50 AM
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Genius!

TURN YOURSELF AROUND, YOU WEREN'T INVITED!!!
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 05:53 AM
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ROTFLMAO





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with Vera in the draw?"
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 06:08 AM
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That actually sounds authentic....

JUSTINE HENIN
ALLEZ!!!

ANASTASIA MYSKINA
Riding the 3AM Rollercoaster


NADIA PETROVA
ANNA-LENA GROENEFELD
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old Feb 13th, 2006, 10:39 AM
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hilarious

Love is a lie, which means I've been lied to...
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