Helen Lawson's New Years Eve Party 2006 - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 05:29 AM Thread Starter
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Helen Lawson's New Years Eve Party 2006

I didn't get an invitation but heard others did. Any of you that attended, spill the dirt. Helen's party's are always drama-filled.
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post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 06:45 AM
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After Sally had her small nervous breakdown in the kitchen, she composed herself and went over to Helen's place. It was faboo. Hot and rich men everywhere and little man servants to cater to your heart's desire. By the end of the night Neely was swinging from the chandeliers and Melissa Rivers was doing karaoke with a yard ornament. Joan was so smashed she thought that some of the Nip Tuck guys who were there were really plastic surgeons and was trying to hit them up for a free face lift.

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.

Last edited by Sally Struthers; Jan 2nd, 2006 at 07:12 AM.
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post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 07:33 AM
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I didn't get one either! Helen, you owe me a 4th of July invitation.

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post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 08:12 AM
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I'm sure there was plenty of blue ones, yellow ones, and red ones...as well as bed pans, walkers, and enimas. Todays nursing homes provide all that stuff.
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post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 12:51 PM
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We need pictures

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post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 01:03 PM
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I dropped in for 5 minutes, because I had a bunch of other parties to go to, but had to show my face, since Helen had personally invited me. I walked in on her and Neely making out on the couch. I tapped her on the shoulder, spoke to her for a minute and then left. As I was leaving, I was Jennifer North's hand crawling up Helen's skirt. It would've been hot, except they're all so fucking old.

FUCK YOU, SEWTA.
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post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 06:08 PM
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that's just scandalous!

From the looks of it Helen is still out cold from the pills and the booze.

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.
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post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 07:04 PM
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oh Helen...come back

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post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 02:40 PM
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I hope everyone had fun! Helen certainly did, I still have a headache! Sorry not all the invitations were received, I let that pinhead assistant of mine, Carole Anne, be in charge of the invitations, and I guess she didn't take care of it all. She's always bitching at me about how mean I am. I'm like, if you don't like it, go work for Naomi Campbell.

Neely is still passed out in the guest room. It's been 3 days, should I wake her up?

Whitney Houston and her receipts:

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthrea...17447&page=324
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post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 05:41 PM
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Maybe the old broad is dead. She's got that bad ticker you know! Get Carole Anne to give her a few light pokes with a knife

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.
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post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 05:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Struthers
Maybe the old broad is dead. She's got that bad ticker you know! Get Carole Anne to give her a few light pokes with a knife
Neely's a foul bitch when you wake her up. Who wants to risk it? There are no strange odors coming from the room, so I assume she's still alive. It would be just like that bitch to croak in my house and devalue it, though.

Whitney Houston and her receipts:

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthrea...17447&page=324
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post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen Lawson
Neely's a foul bitch when you wake her up. Who wants to risk it? There are no strange odors coming from the room, so I assume she's still alive. It would be just like that bitch to croak in my house and devalue it, though.
the devaluation of the house would only be a temporary thing till you can get the $20 a head tours started of Neely's death place.

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.
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post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:01 PM
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sounds like a bash that i should have attended and i didn't even get an invite Next year i better be on the list who's ass do i have to kiss to get an invite ?
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post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Struthers
After Sally had her small nervous breakdown in the kitchen, she composed herself and went over to Helen's place. It was faboo. Hot and rich men everywhere and little man servants to cater to your heart's desire. By the end of the night Neely was swinging from the chandeliers and Melissa Rivers was doing karaoke with a yard ornament. Joan was so smashed she thought that some of the Nip Tuck guys who were there were really plastic surgeons and was trying to hit them up for a free face lift.
Sal they backed out on the free face lift but one of the guys did offer to "lift my pelvic floor" - said with a smile and a wink. I thought I was gonna have sex again at last, but to my horror he got out a scalpel and started prepping me for surgery. I think those guys have taken the method acting too far!

It was a great party though. My favorite moment was when the ball dropped. Dixie Carter's, not New York's. Well, we all suspected for years. Turns out we were right!

Can we talk?!

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post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sally Struthers
the devaluation of the house would only be a temporary thing till you can get the $20 a head tours started of Neely's death place.
I never thought about that. It's easy money, sort of like the Queen opening Buckingham Palace to the local trash.

Anyway, Sal, while on the topic of easy money, I just landed a really great beef endorsement in Japan. You know American beef people are trying to overcome the Mad Cow scare in Japan. Well, I just signed a mid-seven figure deal to endorse beef in Japan. So, basically, it's booze, cigarettes, and now beef.

I know you don't smoke or drink, Sal, but there's enough beef endorsements to go around, so do what you can to land one.

Whitney Houston and her receipts:

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthrea...17447&page=324
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