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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old Dec 29th, 2005, 09:14 AM Thread Starter
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Fractured Fables

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Once upon a time, there were 3 bears who lived in a house in the woods; Papa Bear, Mama Bear, and Baby Bear. One day, they were having porridge for supper. But the porridge was still hot from being cooked. "I have an idea," said the Papa Bear. "Let's take a walk in the woods while we wait for it to cool." So off they went on a family stroll.

A little while later, Goldilocks was walking through the forrest, and was looking for a place to rest. She spotted the house and knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she opened it. "Hello?" Still no reply. So she went on in.

She saw 3 chairs, and decided to sit down. She tried the Papa Bear's chair. "This chair is too big." Then she tried the Baby Bear's chair. "This chair is too small." Suddenly, the little chair broke to pieces under the weight of a fullgrown adult. Embarassed, she picked herself up and tried the Mama Bear's chair. "This chair is just right."

Then she smelled something. It was the porridge. She noticed how hungry she was feeling, and decided to try it. She sampled some from Papa Bear's bowl. "This porridge is too hot." Then she tried Mama Bear's bowl. "This porridge is too cold." Finally, she tried Baby Bear's bowl. "This porridge is just right." So she ate some. Then some more. Before she knew it, she had emptied the bowl.

Goldilocks found that all that porridge made her sleepy. She decided to take a quick nap. She wandered into the bedroom. She tried Mama Bear's bed. "This bed is too hard." She tried Baby Bear's bed. "This bed is too soft." Then she tried Papa Bear's bed. "This bed is just right." So she took off all her clothes, climbed under the blankets, and was soon fast asleep.

Shortly, the 3 bears came home. They quickly realized they had been visited. Papa Bear said "Someone's been sitting in my chair." Mama Bear added "Someone's been sitting in my chair." Baby Bear chimed in "Someone's been sitting in my chair, and the jerk broke it."

They turned their attention to the porridge. "Hey," said the Papa Bear. "Someone's been eating my porridge!" Mama Bear inspected her bowl. "Someone's been eating my porridge, too." Baby Bear gazed into his now-empty bowl. "Son of a..." The bears shared the remaining porridge. Feeling tired, they decided to turn in for the night.

When they got to the bedroom, they noticed it, too, had been disturbed. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed" said Mama Bear. Baby Bear added "Someone's been sleeping in my bed too." The Papa Bear thought he noticed some trace of movement under the blankets on his bed. He carefully picked up the corner a bit, and saw the naked Goldilocks, sleeping soundly. Papa Bear looked over to the other two bears, who were unaware of their guest, and said "Good night."
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old Dec 29th, 2005, 09:17 AM
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old Dec 29th, 2005, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood was skipping merrily through the woods, picnic basket in hand, on her way to her Grandmother's house. Suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf leaped out in front of her, blocking her path.

"Little Red Riding Hood," he snarled. "I'm going to eat you!"

Red Riding Hood replied, "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone just f**k anymore?"

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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old Dec 29th, 2005, 09:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Stewart
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping merrily through the woods, picnic basket in hand, on her way to her Grandmother's house. Suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf leaped out in front of her, blocking her path.

"Little Red Riding Hood," he snarled. "I'm going to eat you!"

Red Riding Hood replied, "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone just f**k anymore?"

how hilariously foul!

Meh♥


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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 02:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Stewart
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping merrily through the woods, picnic basket in hand, on her way to her Grandmother's house. Suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf leaped out in front of her, blocking her path.

"Little Red Riding Hood," he snarled. "I'm going to eat you!"

Red Riding Hood replied, "Eat, eat, eat. Doesn't anyone just f**k anymore?"

oh my...

[center]People are Tricky you can't Afford to Show anything Risky..
Seeing is Believing. Feeling is Deceiving. I could be anyone but your friend..
~*~
I'm going out, I'm going to drink myself to death
And in the crowd I see you with someone else
I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt
But I like to think at least things can't get any worse
[center]
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old Jan 2nd, 2006, 03:37 PM
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"誰も私を止める停が出来なかったか"
- Jinpachi Mishima
- Jedah Douma
"恐れてはいけない. 私は最初であり, 最後である"
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old Jan 10th, 2006, 08:24 AM Thread Starter
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Cinderella

Once upon a time, there was a poor girl named Cinderella. She lived with her wicked stepmother and her mean stepsisters. They forced her to do all the chores while they enjoyed themselves. She had no social life. Just one day of drudgery after another.

Then one day, Cinderella's Fairy Godmother appeared. The Fairy Godmother took pity on the girl, and set about to change her life. With a wave of her wand, she gave Cinderella a house of her own. Another wave gave Cinderella a whole new wardrobe of the finest clothes. Yet another transformed a pumpkin into a carriage, and some mice into horses and a coachman, to take her to all the fanciest parties.

Cinderella's confidence grew as she became the hit of the party circuit. She gained many gentlemen friends; most becoming more than friends and less than gentlemen. It wasn't long before Cinderella acquired a reputation, as she was having quite a number of explicit relationships.

Upset by Cinderella's promiscuity, the Fairy Godmother decided to punish her. With a wave of her wand, she transformed Cinderella's p***y into a pumpkin. Soon Cinderella's social activities slowed severely. Her lovers were freaked out by her condition, and wanted nothing to do with her. She still went out ocassionally, but always came home early and alone. As Cinderella grew more sullen, the Fairy Godmother was having second thoughts. But no, she convinced herself, it was for Cinderella's own good.

Then, one day, Cinderella came home much later than usual. There was a spring in her step and a lyrical tone to her voice. "Well, well," said the curious Fairy Godmother. "Why are we so chipper?"

"I've just met the most wonderful man."

"Really? And he's not put off by your... condition?"

"No, not at all?"

"Then tell me, Cinderella, what is the young man's name?"

"Peter Peter."
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old Jan 10th, 2006, 08:37 AM
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These are all quite good.

Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery. - Malcolm X
A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything. - Malcolm X
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius
The greatest scholars are not usually the wisest people. - Geoffrey Chaucer
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