If you've never been to an IKEA, you're not missing much. Generally the stores are jam-packed with idiots who think they're getting a big bargain on coffee tables or bedroom sets, when really all they're getting is an ass-fuck because the products are made like shit and reflect their relatively inexpensive price tag. And the stores themselves are no treat. Like I said, they are jammed with idiot zombie mall-walkers, and they're so complexly arranged that they have to actually put up maps to tell you what direction you should be going. How ergonomical. One big consumer flow from the entrance to the checkout, like food getting digested through the front door and moving through the bowels of the blue/yellow box and pumped out its shithole.
Or you can take one of the cute little shortcuts to another department and feel all special!
Here's what I got at IKEA: Three dressers, two endtables and an armoire, total cost around $850. Wow, how cheap right? That's because you have to get tickets for each item, go downstairs to this giant warehouse full of flat cardboard boxes, each weighing about 600 pounds, which you have to personally lift onto a little metal dolly. Then you have to maneuver this small battleship-like cart to the checkout, where the lines rival those at DisneyWorld, all the while trying to keep from destroying stupid displays of bath sets and three for $10.00 cd-holders and other useless shit that appear to be set up specifically to serve as obstacles to test your skills. And the degenerates let their children run around like animals, knocking into you, knocking things over, screaming and cursing. The only good thing is that occasionally one runs into my cart and bounces off like a bird hitting a window, which makes me almost smile.
Anyway, after you pay, you have to put the shit in your car by yourself, and then you have to take it home and put it together by yourself, using directions consisting of pictures of morph-like people shapes assembling cartoon versions of the item you just bought. It's not that hard, except for one thing:
Seven months down the line, the shit is falling apart.
The faces of the drawers on the dressers keep popping off, the bottoms of the drawers can't handle a weight-load consisting of more than 8 0r 9 t-shirts, or maybe several pairs of pants, and if you try to move the dressers and grab under the top, it pops up because it's only secured by gravity, not the little lock-screw things that are supposed to keep it secure. And when I tried fixing these problems, with screwdrivers and wood glue, the cheap fucking wood they used to make the goddamn dressers snaps and breaks like one of those faggy balsa wood gliders that I used to buy for a dollar when I was a kid.