I came out to my mom. - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 12:38 AM Thread Starter
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Arrow I came out to my mom.

I am 20 now, and couple days ago I told my mom I'm gay.
It was very emotional.
My parents, especially my dad has been setting up a marriage basically for me. He would kill me if I told him, so I told my mom.
It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't know where I got the courage to do it. My mom was very good about it, and emotional of course. She said she'll always love me, but that she doesn't understand. She told me I am still developing and will change maybe. I told her I'm 20 and will not. So she doesn't understand, but I didn't expect it.
So much going on now, but I am glad I got it off my chest.
I had to write about it to order my thoughts.

I can't express in words how hard it was for me.

Anyone else have stories about their coming out, or someone that came out to you?
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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 12:49 AM
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That took a lot of guts. I'm 35 and still haven't come out to my folks. I hope your dad will come around just like I"m sure your mom will. Good luck!

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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:02 AM
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well, CONGRATS!i dont know what its like to come out (i'm a straight female) but i know it would be tough. something like telling my parents i was pregnant (which i'm not!)

but good on you. very brave.

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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:09 AM
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Congrats! All I got from my mom was "Who is the woman when men have sex?"




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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cellophane
Congrats! All I got from my mom was "Who is the woman when men have sex?"
what was your answer?

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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:15 AM
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Good for you. I haven't came out to my family. My mother passed away last year and I regret not telling her I was gay. It's just that I feel that she never got to see the whole me. It's just something you really don't want to have to deal with. So even if she's mad or in denial or whatever she got to see all of you. You have absolutely nothing to be ashame or scared of.
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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:16 AM
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@CanadianBoy19 - awwwww....congratulations!!

I came out to my Mum last year, it wasn't planned at all - it just happened!!
Though I was in quite an emotional state when I told her, she was fine and very relaxed about it! She gave me a big hug, told me that she loves me and said that she had guessed years ago! She said that she was very proud of me and happy that I had finally told her!! She has been wonderful, very supportive and really it was the best thing I have ever done!
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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:20 AM
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Good for u!

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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by name_change
what was your answer?
Um, I said, "Mom, there is no woman! Just men having sex..."




"I wish I were as aggressive and serious as those floors too!!" - GOAT Cynthia Zimmerman
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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:32 AM
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Good for you!

My mom was not very thrilled at first. At all. She just didn't wanna talk about it. Ever. But now, she's super cool about it. She's like 'you need a boyfriend!`. She's only met one of my boyfriends (an ex now, of course). And I shoulda listened, cuz she HATED him. And oh was she right.

So, congrats and take pride in the fact that you did it!
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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:51 AM
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Your mom took it basically the same way your's did. She was nice about it, but didn't really understand it. It's been a few years since then and she's slowly gotten more comfortable with it. Your mom will, too.


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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 01:55 AM
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Your mother should be very proud that she didn't raise a child to hide things from her. Your father should be proud too!

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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 02:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CanadianBoy19
I am 20 now, and couple days ago I told my mom I'm gay.
It was very emotional.
My parents, especially my dad has been setting up a marriage basically for me. He would kill me if I told him, so I told my mom.
It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't know where I got the courage to do it. My mom was very good about it, and emotional of course. She said she'll always love me, but that she doesn't understand. She told me I am still developing and will change maybe. I told her I'm 20 and will not. So she doesn't understand, but I didn't expect it.
So much going on now, but I am glad I got it off my chest.
I had to write about it to order my thoughts.

I can't express in words how hard it was for me.

Anyone else have stories about their coming out, or someone that came out to you?
Do we live identical lives or something?? I did the samething, literally about two-three weeks ago, and I'm 20 myself.

Last month, end of April and beginning of May, I was on the verge of just a total break down. I was totally depressed and just stressed out with many things going on in my life. From coming out to my family, to just friendship problems up at school, and finals coming up that I hadn't been preparing for, not to mention spending my last few days with a friend who would be transferring to a new school come the next semester.

I just couldn't take not telling my family anymore, and felt like I had to tell someone or I would explode. I planned to tell my mom, the one I thought would be the most understanding, on the ride home, when she picked me up from college, but I couldn't do it. When the radio didn't work in the car, I literally was on the verge of tears a few times, but just couldn't do it. I just couldn't say it.

So, what do I do?? I wrote her a letter in a Thank You card, basically telling her I was gay, but also how much I loved her, and thanked her for always being there for me, and being a great mother. I laid it on her bed one night, and left the house. I came home, and she didn't say a word to me, and just went on normal. I t continued for a few days, and it was killing me. The silence of not knowing what she thought was killing me myself. Again, I started to cry... LoL... until one day, she came home from work, went into her room, and like 10 minutes later, came into my room, and just put her arms open for a hug, and the waterworks from her came. She just told me she was always proud of me and will always love me, and just asked if I was sure and how long I knew. And we haven't talked about it since, so I guess she's totally accepting of it...

...and let me tell you... I feel like so much pressure was lifted off my shoulder, and I am basically happy now. Now, as for the rest of the family, I don't know when that will happen.

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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 02:07 AM
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wow that's awesome. I'm still waiting until I can financially support myself once I get kicked out.
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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2005, 02:13 AM
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Well done Canadian Boy.It may seem emotional now but you'll start to feel better soon and as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
When you say you were almost already married off it was something similar my mum said that made me realise I had to say something. I smoke and my mum hates it and has been trying to get me to quit for a long time [I am 19 now and was 18 then, so that made it worse for her that I smoked] and one day she made some light hearted remark like "I hope you'll stop smoking when you're own children are running around". Even though it was just light hearted it totally sent a chill through me because I had been getting quite unhappy about having to tell people I was gay. I was like "Whoa! She's expecting marriage and kids. She has no idea I'm gay". I had kind of hoped people would somehow work it out for themselves but I am not 'obviously gay' [compared to the clichéd image of a gay man] so no one had a clue and everyone was a bit surprised.

I eventually told my mum one night. My mum's pretty cool and modern in her views so she knew right away this wasn't something I was going to be growing out of. She's great about it and I can even talk really openly about realtionships with her.
My dad though was not very happy but he has not lived with us for years and my brother and sister and I hardly speak to him anyway but me being gay definitely made the gap bigger but as I say, I don't speak to him or see him too often so it's not a big issue. I really hope everything goes OK with your dad
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