The "Official Wetting Yourself" Joke Thread - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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The "Official Wetting Yourself" Joke Thread

This thread is made in honour of !<bloc_party>!, exoneuk and Pdm1987. You don't need to know why, so keep quiet Here you must come in and tell hilarious jokes that will make us laugh until we wet our panties.

Here are my three jokes, which are naturally...Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman jokes

--

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were holdaying in South America, and were in a bar. They noticed a pot of money in the corner, and asked the barman what it was there for. "Well", said the barman, "that is there fore the taking for anyone that can..."

"Firsty, drink a full bottle of tequila in 2 minutes"

"Secondly, to go into that box over there, where there is a lion inside, and pull a thorn from the lion's foot"

"Finally go upstairs and make love to a 100 year old woman".

"What happens if we fail?", they enquired. "If you fail and survive", the barman said, "you'll be sold as sex-slaves to a local tribe".

Despite all the risks, they all said that they would try it. The Englishman goes first and after only half of the bottle of Tequila, he collapses drunk and is taken away to be sold to the local tribe.

The Scotsman was next, he downs the tequila in a minute and staggers over to the lion cage. The door is closed behind him, and there is a quick scream as he is quickly eaten alive by the lion.

The Irishman is next, he drinks the tequila easily enough, and staggers towards the lion's den. The door is closed behind him and almost immediately there are spinecurdling screams and yells coming from the cage. It lasts all of ten minutes. There was lots of banging against he sides of the box, and then silence

The Irishman emerges, torn and bloody and battered. "Right! now!" he says, "where is that lady with the thorn in her foot?"

--

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are playing golf and have taken along their wives to be caddies. While walking around the course the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped over, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head and revealed that she wasn't wearing any knickers!

The Englishman was furious and stormed over to demand a reason for such a state of undress. "Well, dear, you give me so little allowance that I have to sacrifice some things. Usually no one notices!" The Englishman puts his hand in his pocket and gives her ten pounds. "Go to Marks and Spencer's and get some knickers"

A couple of holes further along the Irishman's wife tripped on a molehill, lost her balance and fell in a heap on the ground, and again her skirt was over her head and yes, she had no knickers either!

The Irishman was naturally livid and angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarmants. "Well, darling, you give me such a small allowance that I can't afford to buy any undergarmants". With that the Irishman dug his hand in his pockets and gave her five pounds. "Here, go to Woolworths and get some knickers"

Another three holes along, the Scotsman's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped over and landed in a pile on the ground, with her skirt over head, revealing that she wore no knickers!

Her explanation was the same as the Englishman's wife and the Irishman's wife. Simply a lack of allowance.

The Scotsman thrust his hand in his pocket and produced a comb: "Here's a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit"

--

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman are at a fair and about to go on the helter-skelter when an old lady steps in front of them..."This is a magical ride", she says, "You will land in whatever you should on the way down"

"I'm game for this!" yells the Welshman and slides down the helter-skelter shouting "GOLD!!!!!" at the top of his voice. Sure enough, when he hit the bottom he was surrounded by thousands of pounds worth of gold coins.

The Englishman goes next and slides down the helter-skelter, and yells "SILVER!!!" at the top of his voice. At the bottom he lands in more silver coins than he could carry

The Irishman goes last, launches off the top of the slide, shouting "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"

Post!

The fruit series is suspended whilst Grachka (obatafan) mourns Saori's retirement.

Saori Obata

Born : April 23rd 1978
Age: 28
Residence: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5' 5" (1.65m)
Weight: 132 lbs. (60 kg)
Plays: Left handed
Career Prize Money: $652,031
Highest Singles Ranking: 39 (Feb 9th 04')

ITF Titles: Augusta (2005), Gifu (2005), Fukuoka (2003), Port Pirie (2001), Jakarta (1996).
WTA:
Finalist (1): 2003 - Tashkent.
Semifinalist (1): 2003 - Bali.
Quarterfinalist (6): 2004 - Birmingham; 2003 - Memphis, Pattaya City; 2002 - Bali; 2001 - Tokyo [Japan Open]; 2000 - Shanghai.
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post #2 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:32 PM
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This is the funniest one tonight, by far: (make sure your sound is turned up )

http://www.rathergood.com/alf/


Women's tennis sucks.
~


Go Rafa.

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post #3 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:34 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by !<bloc_party>!


This is the funniest one tonight, by far: (make sure your sound is turned up )

http://www.rathergood.com/alf/

oi! i'm not wet.....but close!

The fruit series is suspended whilst Grachka (obatafan) mourns Saori's retirement.

Saori Obata

Born : April 23rd 1978
Age: 28
Residence: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5' 5" (1.65m)
Weight: 132 lbs. (60 kg)
Plays: Left handed
Career Prize Money: $652,031
Highest Singles Ranking: 39 (Feb 9th 04')

ITF Titles: Augusta (2005), Gifu (2005), Fukuoka (2003), Port Pirie (2001), Jakarta (1996).
WTA:
Finalist (1): 2003 - Tashkent.
Semifinalist (1): 2003 - Bali.
Quarterfinalist (6): 2004 - Birmingham; 2003 - Memphis, Pattaya City; 2002 - Bali; 2001 - Tokyo [Japan Open]; 2000 - Shanghai.
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post #4 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:38 PM
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I know Graham, show us a picture of you in your Jana Novotna outfit, that'll make everyone "piss their panties" as you put it
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post #5 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:38 PM
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Here is a scouser Keyboard

http://www.natives.co.uk/features/jo...yb-scouser.jpg

Apologies to all them scousers out there

Women's tennis sucks.
~


Go Rafa.

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post #6 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:41 PM
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LOL!!!! Why was I not informed of this thread! :P Beforehand that is lol!!!

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST FROM ME!
Because I'm still talking! That's right!

Wasteful, pointless randomness for your amusement.
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post #7 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by !<bloc_party>!
Here is a scouser Keyboard

http://www.natives.co.uk/features/jo...yb-scouser.jpg

Apologies to all them scousers out there

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST FROM ME!
Because I'm still talking! That's right!

Wasteful, pointless randomness for your amusement.
exoneuk is offline  
post #8 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:55 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pdm1987
I know Graham, show us a picture of you in your Jana Novotna outfit, that'll make everyone "piss their panties" as you put it
You know very well it was the Klemenschits look i was aiming for, and you are just furious that I achieved it

The fruit series is suspended whilst Grachka (obatafan) mourns Saori's retirement.

Saori Obata

Born : April 23rd 1978
Age: 28
Residence: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5' 5" (1.65m)
Weight: 132 lbs. (60 kg)
Plays: Left handed
Career Prize Money: $652,031
Highest Singles Ranking: 39 (Feb 9th 04')

ITF Titles: Augusta (2005), Gifu (2005), Fukuoka (2003), Port Pirie (2001), Jakarta (1996).
WTA:
Finalist (1): 2003 - Tashkent.
Semifinalist (1): 2003 - Bali.
Quarterfinalist (6): 2004 - Birmingham; 2003 - Memphis, Pattaya City; 2002 - Bali; 2001 - Tokyo [Japan Open]; 2000 - Shanghai.
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post #9 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 09:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obatafan
You know very well it was the Klemenschits look i was aiming for, and you are just furious that I achieved it
you looked more like Novotna to me
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post #10 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 10:01 PM
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Now now children We all know he is going for the Garbin look, French Open 2004 Second round.

Some alternative valentines cards:

http://www.natives.co.uk/features/jokes/val/val.htm

Women's tennis sucks.
~


Go Rafa.

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post #11 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 10:13 PM
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The only joke that springs to mind at the minute:

Eurovision's on tomorrow
Celebrity Wrestling could go against it

HILARITY ENSUES!

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST FROM ME!
Because I'm still talking! That's right!

Wasteful, pointless randomness for your amusement.
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post #12 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 10:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exoneuk
The only joke that springs to mind at the minute:

Eurovision's on tomorrow
Celebrity Wrestling could go against it

HILARITY ENSUES!
no, Eurovision is next week, pleb

Next Thursday BBC3 Semi Final, Saturday 5th May BBC1 Final
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post #13 of 20 (permalink) Old May 13th, 2005, 10:34 PM
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Stop calling me a pleb you long necked bastard

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST FROM ME!
Because I'm still talking! That's right!

Wasteful, pointless randomness for your amusement.
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post #14 of 20 (permalink) Old May 14th, 2005, 12:56 AM
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er...what about that welshman who really believed that VAT 69 was the telephone number of the Pope...

Elena Dementieva

you're my favourite - how lucky can any man be?

Paola Suárez - Daniela Hantuchova - María Emilia Salerni - Nathalie Dechy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Princess Sarah
me cago en penyarol
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post #15 of 20 (permalink) Old May 14th, 2005, 09:44 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andy 3001
er...what about that welshman who really believed that VAT 69 was the telephone number of the Pope...


Stupid Welshmen

The fruit series is suspended whilst Grachka (obatafan) mourns Saori's retirement.

Saori Obata

Born : April 23rd 1978
Age: 28
Residence: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5' 5" (1.65m)
Weight: 132 lbs. (60 kg)
Plays: Left handed
Career Prize Money: $652,031
Highest Singles Ranking: 39 (Feb 9th 04')

ITF Titles: Augusta (2005), Gifu (2005), Fukuoka (2003), Port Pirie (2001), Jakarta (1996).
WTA:
Finalist (1): 2003 - Tashkent.
Semifinalist (1): 2003 - Bali.
Quarterfinalist (6): 2004 - Birmingham; 2003 - Memphis, Pattaya City; 2002 - Bali; 2001 - Tokyo [Japan Open]; 2000 - Shanghai.
Grachka is offline  
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