Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Preston, England
Your Life This Week
Aries: (March 21—April 19)
You're perfectly content curling up in your room with a good book, which is fortunate, considering how you'll be spending the next five to seven years for manslaughter.
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
You'll never be quite the same again after that Bible you've been thumping all these years finally has enough and beats the living shit out of you.
Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
The mousetrap you built is indeed better, but the bludgeoning part will prevent people from beating a path to your door.
Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
You'll be shunned when the man you famously taught to fish dies of mercury poisoning.
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
Opening a free amusement park was a great idea, but people will be revolted by your idea of amusement.
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
There are no words to express your complicated feelings toward that special someone, which is unfortunate, because she will fail to understand the hand gestures.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
People might praise the ineffable human qualities of your post-lyric poetry now, but after you're gone, all they'll talk about is your great parties.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You only get one chance to make a first impression—literally, in your case, as you'll only meet one more person for the rest of your life.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Judging by that lightheaded, dreamy feeling, this would be a good week to finally start some new meals.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
Years from now, when most of the old onomatopoeia have gone out of style, the unique sound of your bursting body will still be in daily use.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
This week, you'll learn some important life lessons about sharing, admitting when you're wrong, and whether it's the volts or the amps that kill you.
Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Your feeling that the people you work with are dragging you down is borne out by the Norstar Telecommunications rope you'll find wrapped around your ankles.