How Do You Remember A Loved One's Passing After Many Years? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 7th, 2004, 10:00 PM Thread Starter
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How Do You Remember A Loved One's Passing After Many Years?

13 years ago today my grandpa died. And honestly, I no longer think of him everyday. That's sounds so horrible... I know. It's just been so long that I don't know.... But today I've just been thinking a lot about him and all he did and endured. And I'm just really touched to be related to him. I just wish I could remember more stuff about him.

Time tends to make the details sketchy and specifics not so specific. It's just sad that his life, in terms of my own, has lost some relevancy.

How do you remember your loved ones after such an amount of time has elapsed since their passing?
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 7th, 2004, 10:22 PM
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I don't know whether this would sound rather wanky or not but I think keeping a journal might help, writing it of course as close to the event (in this case, your grandfather's passing) as possible. Writing down specifics, and also feelings, might help your recall and also helps you relive all the associated moments and feelings.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 7th, 2004, 10:42 PM
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My mother died 14 years ago. I was almost 8 years, but honestly I don't remember anything about her. I don't know if that's good or not. Off course I don't like that I don't remember anything but maybe it's easier for me.
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 7th, 2004, 11:17 PM
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My mother died 9 years ago. Hardly a day goes by that I don't think about her, or miss her. I dream about her very often, and truly, I wish I didn't.

Whoever said time helps to forget, lied.

Of course, I have forgotten things about her, but I also have a different feeling, I don't know, Athenaeum, maybe it is egocentric... you have forgotten things about your gradfather, I feel like I have lost my own past, my own memory. All of my childhood stories, all the details about my early life are gone with her, I have very little memory of myself and nobody to tell me stories about who or how I was.

So sometimes I think death steals the future, but also the past.


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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 7th, 2004, 11:28 PM
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My gf's dad died like 13 years ago... she still thinks of him everyday. There's pictures all over the house of him. It's sorta sad, everytime it gets close to the day he passed she gets really really depressed. But I think she has all good memories of him. Still sometimes I don't know how to talk to her about it, esp when it gets close to that time and she's depressed. She was 9 when she lost him Sometimes she even watches videos of him, and it's sad. She was such a daddy's girl, and they meant the world to each other.

I lost a very dear friend over a year and a half ago, and I still think of him all the time. However lately I can't bother to go sit by his grave as it makes me too sad. I at least know he's in a much better place, wherever that may be, and he's not having to endure the shit we're all going thru on this earth.

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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 06:26 AM
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I know it makes you feel bad when you no longer remember someone who used to be that important in your life... however you have to think that you gave all your support and your love to these people when it was important.
I remember to my relatives for example when I do things I used to do with them... after having lunch for example I used to chat with my father about news on TV... (we usually disagree about everything ), every time before leaving home to go to Uni or so I used to kiss my parents... now when I do that kind of stuff with my mother I can't avoid thinking about him.
Also when important dates for them are close I think about... in a couple of days it will be 5 years since my father died... that makes me impossible not to think about him every year around this dates

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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 07:12 AM
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Losing a grandparent is a whole lot different than lossing a parent, I guess. Both my grandfathers died quite some years ago and I surely don't think of them everyday. Just now and then I think about them (and some other people that died), and that's enough I feel. Now if one of my parents would die (or other close family/friends) I don't know what I would do/feel. I just hope it's not for the near future....

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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 12:42 PM
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Like other people have mentioned losing your grandparents is something totally diffrent to losing your parents. I still think of my Nan everyday, but its not like I think of her as dead, and try to remember her in that way. Ill just remember an event, or something we ddi together while she was alive and such like. I know I think of her often, its not something I keep talley over, I just know I remember her.

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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 12:54 PM Thread Starter
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I don't know about that necessarily for me specifically. For me, my grandpa was very much a father figure. I grew up hardly even knowing my father after we have to leave his abusive ways. So grandpa was very much the one to give my brother and I the advice and fatherly words that would help us grow as men. Sure he wasn't my dad, but he was the closest thing I had to ever having a dad at all. And that's why it's more saddening at times like this.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 12:55 PM
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I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with the person. In my case my granfather (on my dad's side of the family) past away when I was 12 but I hardly remember him, we didn't see eachother more than twice a year. Then my aunt died in 97' I was about 7 and I don't remember her everyday but I do remember, she was really close to my mom and I.

My grandmother (mom's side) died 2 years ago and there is never a day that passes by I don't think of her.

this is where the story ends.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 01:00 PM
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[color=navy]depends on how close you were with someone[/quote]
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athenaeum
13 years ago today my grandpa died. And honestly, I no longer think of him everyday. That's sounds so horrible... I know. It's just been so long that I don't know.... But today I've just been thinking a lot about him and all he did and endured. And I'm just really touched to be related to him. I just wish I could remember more stuff about him.

Time tends to make the details sketchy and specifics not so specific. It's just sad that his life, in terms of my own, has lost some relevancy.

How do you remember your loved ones after such an amount of time has elapsed since their passing?


This is very moving. My Dad died 9 years ago and my experience is very similar to those already expressed. Gallofa's comment touched me especially.

I think it depends a lot on the strength of the relationship when the person was alive. In your case, you have a lot of very positive memories and your grandfather is clearly always with you because he is a major role model and point of reference. You learned a lot from him - his achievements, his values, his example - and that is now a part of you which you express when you live your life and make your decisions. You carry his genes but you also carry a part of his spirit and just being aware of that is a good way to honour and remember him.

Traits Gandhi considered the most spiritually perilous to humanity.
*Wealth without Work * Pleasure without Conscience

*Science without Humanity *Knowledge without Character

*Politics without Principle *Commerce without Morality

*Worship without Sacrifice
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 02:04 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy T
that is now a part of you which you express when you live your life and make your decisions.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 04:04 PM
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old Nov 8th, 2004, 05:27 PM
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Losing someone dear is a very sad thing
Poppy has known this terrible feeling
People say time heals, but it depends
Sometimes the pain doesn't wanna end



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