Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Waiting for Shirley
What's your stand on ... Gun Control?
I'm not into guns, I get drunk too much and take too many yellow ones to have a gun around the house. Jess and Floyd didn't care for guns either. I think guns are sort of low-budget. Anyway, because I don't want a gun, I don't care what the laws are.
What's your stand on ... Abortion?
Well, it's very dangerous, very illegal, and it can create a scandal if the papers get hold of it. Isn't it just easier to marry the creep or take a "vacation" "out of town" like in the sixth month and then just come home with the baby and claim you found it at an "orphanage" and you "adopted" it? That's how it's done in Hollywood, folks, and if it's good enough for movie stars, it's good enough for you.
What's your stand on ... Gay Marriage?
Since I have no interest in marrying a woman, I don't care what happens. I only care about issues that have a direct impact on my life. I don't approve of shacking up, though, it's very immoral, so gays should be allowed to marry because then they wouldn't have to shack up and live in sin.
What's your stand on ... The war in Iraq?
That USO tour was hard as hell and I got paid very little, and I had to do the whole year tour of duty with Neely!! How do you think I feel?
What's your stand on ... Election 2004?
I can't get straight who's running. Neely might know that one guy because he was on the Addams' Family when she was married to Gomez. I'm not sure who that other guy is on stage with him. I'm not going to vote for the one who lisps, but I like Southern men, so maybe I'll go that route. I have like a year to decide.
What's your stand on ... Stem Cell Research?
Given I've chainsmoked since the 1930's, drink many bottles of champagne each day, and take many, many yellow pills each day, and am 86 years old, basically anything with a chance of extending my life I'm for.