Self-Esteem Issues? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 05:27 AM Thread Starter
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Self-Esteem Issues?

I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what?

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 05:30 AM
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Bleach, it wouldn't hurt you to talk to a counselor or anything. Sometimes that can help you. But the best thing is to actually listen to your friends, find something you are good at and enjoy doing and just let the confidence grow. Everyone has at least one thing they can be confident in.
Good luck!

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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 05:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bleach
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what?

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone.
firstly i think EVERYONE should be in counseling.

secondly, its always helpful for me to think aobut the cool things i have done. we all have something to be proud of. i have been really lonely of late even though i just started school and have been macking on the ladies, and have lots of new friends. thats NOT to brag, that is to say that most of us, no matter where we are get a littleblue sometimes. there is nothing wrong withbeing sad or evenhaveing really low self esteem for a while thats just being human.

but it really does help to remember cool things you have done. things that make you exciting and kick ass, things that make you different, things thatyou have done that most other may not have. thathelps it really does

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 05:41 AM
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sorry about the above post my space baris zonkingout it doesnt always work.

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 05:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bleach
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what?

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone.
You just need to accept yourself for who you are. You lost a ton of weight which is probably harder than anything those "really attractive guys" you're jealous of have done. Be proud of that!

Last time I checked, people telling you that you're cute isn't a bad thing.
Believe them. They wouldn't say anything if they thought otherwise. Anyway you can't depend on what others say to make you feel good. Instead of focusing on how you're so jealous of the other guys maybe try focusing on the similarities you share with them. You'll soon see they're not as perfet or better than you like you think. Everyone has problems and imperfections (even me ) but they don't detract from your value as a person.

Get counceling if you think it will help you.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 06:03 AM Thread Starter
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Wow, thanks everyone.

Great post, bw2082... I will now do that from now on.
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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 07:03 AM
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Quote:
firstly i think EVERYONE should be in counseling.
Erm? Doing PR work for the APA are you?

Bleach, what you are experiencing is expected. Bad skin and excess weight can dissapear, but emotional scars don't. You just have to learn how to cope. Some people are able to totally get rid of it, others (like me) have to learn to live with it. But you'll make it, trust me
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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 08:29 AM
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The problem is, happiness, self esteem etc all comes from within, yet most people go about life looking to find happiness, or self esteem, or anything like that through what they DO.

But self esteem comes from a place inside - a place of BEING, not a place of DOING. So for example, you may lose weight, have surgery, join the gym, eat properly etc etc all in order to find self esteem, but you wont find self esteem by DOING these things, you have to change the way you THINK, not what you do.

You need to redefine what you consider 'attractive' - does being attractive mean having the right dress size, the right amount of muscle, the right hair style etc? Or does being 'attractive' mean having a warm heart and a loving/kind nature?

IMO its the latter.

Truely 'attractive' people have a big, genuine heart and they care for others. Deep down you do know what your attractive qualitites are as a person - you need to focus on those and overcome the NEGATIVE voice in your mind that doesnt allow you to believe in yourself and your attractive qualitites - we all have that negative voice inside us, but you need to recognise it for what it is - your own mind trying to play tricks on you....and overcome it by focussing on the positive qualities you DEFINITELY possess.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 09:35 AM
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whats there to be jealous about. just think about something that u have, a quality, that gives u an edge.

i mean, i have a friend, and when i'm with her i always feel small and it pisses me off cuz i pride myself on having high confidence. but she's got grey eyes and many think that because u're indian and have grey eyes, u're prettier than most. i dont think she's prettier, we're prolly just about equal, but i know i'm smarter and that makes me feel better.

u shoud, try something like that.

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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 10:08 AM
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Czech fan you are right.
But don't tell me..... that walking down the street you look twice at the fat unnattractive oaf because they may have a big heart. they may be nice people, but not cute.

You would look at the smooth sleek tanned guy with the sixpack! Human instinct is what makes us attracted to phyically 'beautfiul' people!

But if what u said was what u honsetly beleive, you must be a genuine person.... unfortunantly most people are not like that!
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 11:29 AM
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Bleach - first take my best advice and ignore everything that Searchlight says.

I also struggle with low self-esteem issues. Therapy helps to an extent but you just gotta work at it yourself. If you want to feel good you got to think good. So think about things that make you happy and you will feel better. If i focus on tennis i feel better. if i focus on my own weight issues, or on past stupid things ive done, i feel like a freaking zombie - very unhappy. work on it. Think about the positives and you feel better. Also there is a type of therapy i think is very useful. You think about the thing that is bothering you and then you think about the emotions that come along with it. than you make another column and assess the true realities of the situation and if based on the true assessment of the situation, should it really make you feel that crappy. 90 percent of our worries and unhapinesses are exaggerations of reality. its something like that.. gotta run, frogburger
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bleach

but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.


six pack

Women's tennis sucks.
~


Go Rafa.

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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 12:52 PM
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Win an Oscar, that'll take care of any self-esteem issues.

Whitney Houston and her receipts:

http://www.tennisforum.com/showthrea...17447&page=324
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 02:02 PM
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Vixen. what i think he means is that wanting to look good and achieving certain goals are just an aspect or manifestation of the condition ie self esteem. It is much more than 'doing' and achieving a good body and all of those things to overcome the underlying problem..

im sure what he means is hed prefer someone who is less attractive (not ugly, you obviously need to be attracted to their looks), than someone who looks perfect but is very superficial and unattractive on the inside.


Good luck to the Aussie and Balkan girls!
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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old Oct 5th, 2004, 02:04 PM
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"Win an Oscar, that'll take care of any self-esteem issues"

rotf!!

Good luck to the Aussie and Balkan girls!
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