I'd much rather do this than do my damn reading!
"Elastica," Elastica, 1994 UK/1995 US
1. "Line Up" -- the best anti-groupie song ever. Certainly one of the finer songs to refer to blow jobs.
2. "Annie" -- an ode to the bassist and her friends, who obviously provided lots of booze one night at the beach. Names most of the booze. 1 minute 13 seconds long.
3. "Connection" -- the big hit. Stealing the hand claps from Wire, Justine talks her way through break-ups and make-ups. The sneer really comes out in this song, especially in the second "Forget it!"
4. "Car Song" -- sex in a car! Contains the unforgettable couplet "In every little Honda/There may lurk a Peter Fonda," followed by a sultry "ooh!"
5. "Smile" -- piss off, Damon Albarn! And yet she still stayed with the cheating bastard for five more years. But, okay, he's damn cute. Great guitar open.
6. "Hold Me Now" -- Justine's monotone backed up by Donna's yelping in the background. Neat syncopation.
7. "S.O.F.T." -- nice melody, good lyrics, nice instrumental ending.
8. "Indian Song" -- okay, the Indian Song sucks. 15 out of 16 isn't bad.
9. "Blue" -- but now comes Side 2, and we're cooking. Brilliant sotto voce opening, leads to an ear-crunching volume change, and we're off and running through a tale of mistaken identity. Great harmony, awesome ending bars, perfect riff between verses, Justin kills the drums. So good.
10. "All-Nighter" -- if you haven't grasped a common theme here, Justine wants ass. Crunchy guitars and a poppy, major-chord melody zips through this classic. 1 minute 33 seconds.
11. "Waking Up" -- only the finest song of the century. I can't do it justice, just download it or something.
12. "2:1" -- and they do fugues too. This song is about crack whores and stuff; it later was featured in "Trainspotting." Donna's part is done through distortion. Smooth, slow.
13. "See That Animal" -- kinda starts off with the riff from Deadeye Dick's "New Age Girl." I think this one is about heavy metal music or something, but it's just silly. But the guitar part is very easy to headbang to.
14. "Stutter" -- the minor hit. So, this one is about bad sex. "Is there something you lack/When I'm flat on my back?" Mmm HMMMM. A musical equivalent of a seizure.
15. "Never Here" -- the longest song on the record (4:26) is also probably the strongest, melodically and thematically. Breaking down the end of a relationship, Justine coos about selling all of her lover's old records and getting over him by having a curry. But the brilliant opening minute builds so well, like a punk "Bolero," as each player comes in with their part, laying on top of each other.
16. "Vaseline" -- when my friend and I saw them in concert, we put mash notes with our phone numbers inside hollowed-out jars of Vaseline and threw them on stage. Seven years later, still no call. Don't ask me what we did with all that Vaseline, either.
Greatest album ever.