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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
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American Foreign Policy Humour

>Subject: Dad explains US foreign policy
>>
>Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
>
>A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
>>
>Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
>
>A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
>
>>Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
>
>A: Yep. Invasions work better than inspections.
>>
>Q: But after we invaded them, we still didn't find any weapons of mass
>destruction, did we?
>
>A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
>find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
>
>
>Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
>
>A: To use them in a war, silly.
>
>
>Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use
>in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to
>war with them?
>
>A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
>weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
>themselves.
>
>
>Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had
>all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
>
>A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
>
>
>Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
>weapons our government said they did.
>
>A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
>weapons. We had another good reason to invade them.
>
>
>Q: And what was that?
>
>A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
>was a cruel dictator.
>
>
>Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to Invade his
>country?
>
>A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
>
>
>Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
>
>A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
>competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops
>to make U.S. corporations richer.
>
>
>Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate
>gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
>
>A: Right.
>
>
>Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
>
>A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
>People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and
>tortured.
>
>
>Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
>
>A: I told you, China is different.
>
>
>Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
>
>A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China
>is Communist.
>
>
>Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
>
>A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
>
>
>Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
>
>A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
>sent to prison and tortured.
>
>
>Q: Like in Iraq?
>
>A: Exactly.
>
>
>Q: And like in China, too?
>
>A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
>hand, is not.
>
>
>Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
>
>A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
>laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
>Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists
>like us.
>
>
>Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
>started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become
>capitalists?
>
>A: Don't be a smart-ass.
>
>
>Q: I didn't think I was being one.
>
>A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
>
>
>Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
>
>A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
>Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
>legitimate leader anyway.
>
>
>Q: What's a military coup?
>
>A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
>country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the
>United States.
>
>
>Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
>
>A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
>our friend.
>
>
>Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
>
>A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
>
>
>Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
>forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
>Illegitimate leader?
>
>A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
>helped us invade Afghanistan.
>
>
>Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
>
>A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
>
>
>Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
>
>A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi
>Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
>buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
>
>
>Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
>
>A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
>rule of the Taliban.
>
>
>Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
>people's heads and hands?
>
>A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
>people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
>
>
>Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars
>back in May of 2001?
>
>A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
>fighting drugs.
>
>
>Q: Fighting drugs?
>
>A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
>opium poppies.
>
>
>Q: How did they do such a good job?
>
>A: If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have
>their hands and heads cut off.
>
>
>Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
>flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off
>for other reasons?
>
>A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
>people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
>people's hands for stealing bread.
>
>
>Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
>
>A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
>that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqhas whenever they were
>in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
>comply.
>
>
>Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burkhas in public, too?
>
>A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
>
>
>Q: What's the difference?
>
>A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
>fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
>eyes and fingers Burkhas, on the other hand, are an evil tool of
>patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her
>eyes and fingers.
>
>
>Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
>
>A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are
>our friends.
>
>
>Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were
>from Saudi Arabia.
>
>A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
>
>
>Q: Who trained them?
>
>A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
>
>
>Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
>
>A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
>bad man.
>
>
>Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once
>
>A: Only when we helped him and the mujahideen repel the Soviet invasion
>of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
>
>
>Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
>Reagan talked about?
>
>A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
>thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
>them Russians now.
>
>
>Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
>
>A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
>after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support
>our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
>French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
>
>
>
>Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
>
>A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
>Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
>
>
>Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't Do what
>we want them to do?
>
>A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade...
>
>
>Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
>
>A: Well, yeah. For a while.
>
>
>Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
>
>A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
>our friend, temporarily.
>
>
>Q: Why did that make him our friend?
>
>A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
>
>
>Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
>
>A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
>the other way, to show him we were his friend.
>
>
>Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
>becomes our friend?
>
>A: Most of the time, yes.
>
>
>Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
>enemy?
>
>A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
>profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time all the
>better.
>
>
>Q: Why?
>
>A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
>America. Also, since God is on America's side anyone who opposes war is
>a godless un-American communist. Do you understand now why we attached
>Iraq?
>
>
>Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
>
>A: Yes.
>
>
>Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
>
>A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him
>what to do.
>
>
>Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
>George W. Bush hears voices in his head.
>
>A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works, Now close your
>eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Goodnight.
>
>
>Good night, Daddy.
>
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 11:39 AM
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That is an excellent and veracious summary, but I'm not sure if it's humour or horror.


Well, I walk into the room
Passing out hundred dollar bills
And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill
And I buy the bar a double round of crown
And everybody's getting down
And this town ain't never gonna be the same.
Cause I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls, they are so pretty...

All
ez Amélie!

"My coach told me I had to expect, you know, some long rallies and stuff. So, you know, I was ready for this."
--Amelie Mauresmo breaking down the intricate nature of Team Mauresmo coaching strategies.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 02:05 PM
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I'm taking this to my Honors American Foreign Policy Class.

TT Singles: 2014 SF: Bogota, New Braunfels. 2013 F: Las Vegas, SF: Orlando, Sibenik.
TT Doubles: 2014 W: Trnava w PinkTape. 2013 W: St Martin, Orlando, Sibenik, Charlottesville, Nantes-YEC all w Soliloque; Lexington w DJDVD.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 05:20 PM
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That's very funny. I posted it before, btw.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 05:28 PM
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Talking






Dickis and Bushhead
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 05:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior





Dickis and Bushhead

now thats what i call good clean humor!!!

"racism is dead, it died when MLK walked on a bridge and freed the slaves. Now we have a socialist Kenyan president who is not an American and if anyone mentions race they are a reverse racist (while racism is dead, reverse racism is alive and well.) #whattheyteachyouatfox"
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old May 4th, 2004, 06:19 PM
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its been around for over a yr but it still brings a and its totally right

i'm sure it was posted in NT last yr sometime.

Good luck in 2016 to my favs*Kuznetsova*Sharapova*Kleybanova*Vesnina*Shvedova*Kulichkova*Kasatkina*
Pavlyuchenkova*Makarova*Diatchenko*Pivovarova*Gasparyan*Leykina*Zhuk*Potapova*Pervushina*AZARENKA *Govortsova
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*Juhaszova*Zanevska*Broady*Bouchard*
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Pliskova's*Rus*Bellis*Soylu*Sibille*Uberalova*Eden Silva*
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old May 5th, 2004, 10:18 PM
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good one.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old May 5th, 2004, 11:51 PM
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That was very funny. Do you send this to G.W.Bush

SvetaLisicki

Smells like Kvitova spirit

Allez Forever!

Amelie Mauresmo: Wimbledon Champion 2006
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