The Lockeroom Chronicles: WTA Championship: ***FUNNY,WITTY, AND DEEP DOWN DELISH*** - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 12:52 AM Thread Starter
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The Lockeroom Chronicles: WTA Championship: ***FUNNY,WITTY, AND DEEP DOWN DELISH***

The Staples Center Is packed and all the fans are cheering for the American Girl's Jennifer And Chanda (but mostly for Jennifer), but below, in the dark, cavernous dungeons that is BJK dressing room, a secret meeting is being held. A meeting that will change the course of history...well the best match history anyways.

BJK: that bitch Jennifer is nominated in TWO fuc*king matches! how the hell did she get into this catagory anyways?

Chrissy Evert: well you kno..

BJK: "shut up dog, i know which side your really on! Y-O-U (pointing angrily at a nervous evert) like Jen" BJK sits her hamburger ass back down, to collect her breath. "but this isnt about her...well its mostly about her, BUT its not ALL about her!

Everyone: okkk....

BJK: now when we announce the winner for best open era match, and for some act of god Jennifer is announced the winner, we will say "sorry folks but Jennifer couldnt be hear tonight, so under the rules of the tournement the runners up will get the prize (a brand new porche and a trip to Belize) those are the breaks" BJK snarls gleefully, "and will make sure Jenny from the block aka. Crap-priati is in the bathroom when the award is announced HAHAHAHA"

Martina N,: but sweetie you forget one small fucking detail, what if Miss Bubblegum is announced runner up????

BJK: "IF Jennifer is the runner up, then, i guess ill just shoot myself, that or accuse her of taking steroids, we all know shes not that good anyways.

Martina: "fine, whatever"

BJK: NOW.... onto the matter of catering.....


Two levels up, in the womens lockeroom; Amelie and Ai are discussing who will win best temper tantrum at the MTV video awards

Amelie: uuu know i think Madonna will win it, shes always angry"

Ai: i dont care, im japanese, its against the law in Japan to have Temper tantrums

Amelie: "rightz, but i still think Madonna will take it...."

Next isle in the "im the contenders to winn the whole thing" Are the Belgians and Jennifer Capriati discussing the whole Iraqi situation

Jennifer: Im like, in total, like, support of Bush, like, hes a total inspiration. The way hes leading our troops to kill those noisy brats in Iraq, i just hope they kill the really small ones, you know? The ones that always cry in the stands when im playing?? yeah, those babies there so fucking annoying.

Justine: Oui, ssseez are soo annoying, Oui, but i think they should simply be put in jail, killing is so wrong, besides my grandfather is french and you know the Motto "we only make clothes" and i am in total aggrenment, you know."

Kim: i think its awsomne that babies are crying when we play, it gives the audience a more...alive feeling"

Jennifer: all i know is im winning, all you bitches can just lose right now, but im telling you im ready to fight out there, and besides that bitch Venus isnt playing....shes so done an Anna on us, well whatever, one less bitch to slap is how i see it."

Justine: Oui, im jussz glad that Serenna iz not playing, she scares me, and i would have to go to the bathroom alotz....Oui" Justine thinks to herself, " alotz...."


NOW- to Chrissie's FAMOUS PICKS!!!! (not that she ever pics right...lol)

Contenders:

Jennifer 1-5: Jens the freshest girl out in this field at the moment, she hasnt played much tennis in the last few months and shes really excited to be here at the Staples center, i see her making the finals, if not winning the whole thing.

Kim 1-10: shes one of the best indoor specialist out there, but shes played so much tennis, its biggining to show in her game, im not sure how long shell last with the less tired Jennifer and Ai

Justine 1-20: She has as good as any out of the girls to win it all, yet she has so much pressure on her shoulders to perform well to possibly make #1 at the end of the year, im just not sure she can handle it...we shall see though.

OTHER CONTENDERS:

Amelie 1-50: Shes not playing the best tennis of her life and seems to be having trouble with her legs, but shes a talented French lady with a powerfull baseline game.

Ai 1-75: Ai has really surprised many this year, winning @ scittsdale and making the late rounds in many tournements i think if she plays good tennis she could make an impact here, although i dont see her winning this one.

DARKHORSES:

Chanda Rubin, Dementieva & Myskina1-100: These Girls are playing well, but i doubt the pressure will suit them well, i have a feeling neither of the three will make it past the round robin.



...to be continued

Last edited by Trish101; Nov 3rd, 2003 at 03:30 AM.
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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 01:03 AM Thread Starter
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hehehehe, wow hehehehe
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 01:20 AM
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That's funny shit...

Lindsay Davenport|Elena Bovina|Marissa Irvin|Tatiana Golovin|Mary Pierce|Sesil Karatantcheva|Cara Black|Clarisa Fernandez
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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 02:31 AM Thread Starter
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you know, i try!...but seriously people keep the comments cumin, you guys arent typically quiet in my threads!
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 02:36 AM Thread Starter
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come on guys! give me some feedback, good? (it is) funny? (even more) ...its the ultimate lockeroom thread....

*** how many stars should i get for this thread? 1 to 4 stars (and explain why)
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 03:31 AM Thread Starter
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come on guys. lets see some comments!
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 04:02 AM
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Funny Trish...I usually hate your guts but...

Official Gangsta rappa of the Royal Court

Will you be there?
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
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wow, thank you
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
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im just a bag of surprises, ya know?...feel free to add to me skit, actually Cam'ron i wanna see if you can do better.
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 04:37 AM
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Meanwhile in the Staples Centre Press box a glamorous new commentator is about to interview the Williams sisters...who just popped in to see how much the're missed "First of all, because I speak 5 different languages fluently, I shall practice my English on you Serena and Venus (I've taken extensive courses you know in Cambridge to enhance my English speech) so I'll begin byremarking on what beautiful sequined outfits you're both wearing, I just love how they glitter!!
Serena, "For Gawd's sake Martina", how did you ever get this job announcing for Eurosport?"
Martina "Well, they cover all of Europe and I'm the most qualified tennis expert to broadcast because I speak so many languages...so can flip flop back and forth from Swiss-German to Czech, to French to Russian (whoops, I might have to get Anna to help me with that one)
And I wasn't dating Sergio long enough to perfect my Spanish so I might have to ask ASV to help me with that one too!!!
Venus: "Martina, the only thing you're good at flip-flopping is guys...here, I have my glue gun, let me put a few sparkles on your mike...you need to "brighten" up your image....you've been riding those horses too long...you've even got hay sticking out of your blouse"!
Martina - "Oops, I must have fallen in the barn when I was kissing my horse good-bye"!!
The Williams Sisters in unison "Yeah, right Martina, we believe you "thousands wouldn't of course but we do!!"





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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 05:23 AM Thread Starter
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Barmaid, not to shaby, the grammar and punctuation could have been better. So ill give you 2 ** (stars) for effort! (please next time try to incorporate players who are actually playing @ the YEC). Thanxs!
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 05:30 AM
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 05:40 AM Thread Starter
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once again thank you azza, im glad you enjoy...do you have your own version???
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 05:50 AM
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old Nov 3rd, 2003, 05:58 AM Thread Starter
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^^^^ :retard:
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