You know when you get the feeling your heart is like... sunk in your body?
...and you can't fix it, and you just wish it'd go away, because its tearing you up inside, and you can't concentrate on anything else, but this horrible feeling you have.
You feel like its the end of the world, and you wish it were.
You know in your head that you will keep on loving and supporting, but your heart feels like it can't anymore.
Nothing left to give.
You hope to god that the people you are thinking of, don't feel half as bad as you do right now, but you KNOW that they have to be feeling even worse.
You just wished that they could know your support, and it kills you to think that they might not know, how much you care and want to support them. And that they might be feeling so insecure and unsure.
And you really feel like crying for them, but who to cry to? No one around who cares.
You just keep wishing and wishing, it had turned out differently, and you get so exausted, mentally.
But you can't sleep, cos you know that the moment you close your eyes, you'll see the look on their face. That one of despair and anguish, that you just wish you could fix with a hug. And all the emotions that are on their face, and all the emotions you're feeling now, would come rushing back, and you'll break down and cry.
In fact, every time you hear their name, or see anything that reminds you of it, tears well up, and you get a lump in your throat you can't get down.
You try to stop thinking about it, but the scene just keeps replaying in your mind.
You want to be positive, because you know in your mind, that there'll be brighter days ahead, but your heart's just not letting you.
You try to be big about it all, but you just don't have it in you, after countless hours of teary daydreams. You want to act happy for those around you, but this feeling is so strong you can't even remember why you're trying to act happy.
The people around you, don't know, don't understand. They don't get it. They tell you to get over it, because you've really been grieving for a long time, but you can't. And you just wish that they'd shut up, and stop acting so flippant about it.
You know, there will be better days, but you cannot look forward because it'd hurting you so much just to lift your head, let alone your heart.