Heres another one
Rafter: "I'm really a complete prick"
Aussie tennis ace Pat Rafter announced to a mass of assembled media that despite his reputation as a good wholesome Aussie lad, he is really in fact a bit of an arsehole.
Rafter made the startling revelation at a packed press conference called in his honour for the announcement of his appointment as patron of the ‘Save the short-tailed spotted grey-nosed furry wombat foundation.’ The short-tailed spotted grey-nosed furry wombat is a native Australian marsupial whose numbers have been so decimated by handbag manufacturers that the species is in grave danger of becoming endangered.
Pat, or ‘Our Pat’ as he is often known, made the outburst after being asked by respected tennis journalist Trixibell Upskirt how he managed to retain his humility and all round nice guy status in the cutthroat world of men’s pro tennis. “I don’t know, I’m really a bit of a prick to tell you the truth,” Rafter replied.
“I swear you could have heard a pin drop after he said that,” Upskirt later confessed.
But then he continued: ”I really don’t know how it all started, people just loved me from an early age. I guess I’m often compared to that poonce Philippoussis and the little twerp Hewitt and I’ve always looked wonderful in comparison.”
However the truth, as Rafter went on to reveal, is that he is far from wonderful. He claimed credit for coming up with the title ‘monkeyboy’ for Pete Sampras. “It’s no secret Pete doesn’t like me, now you know why,” he lamented. “And I’d also like to get a few other things off my chest, I was also the one who came between Brooke and Andre. The reason - I always wanted to make it with a television star. I’m using the term 'television star' loosely there.”
But worse was to come. “It’s possible I had something to do with Petr Korda’s positive drug test," Rafter said. "I thought it would be a laugh to see him do that stupid scissor kick while tanked up on ephedrine. So I took some from my stash and slipped it in his drink bottle. How was I to know he would be tested?”
“Not only that, but I was the one who suggested to Philippoussis that he come and sit in the stands for the Davis Cup tie in Mildura. I’ve spent a bit of time with the Scud over the years and just quietly guys, I can assure you he really likes to watch.”
It was at this point that a clearly agitated John Newcombe came charging through the crowd, crash-tackling Rafter before wrestling him away from the microphone and off stage. “Ask me how much tax I paid last year!” Rafter was heard to yell before disappearing from view.