News of THIS day - TennisForum.com

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
Plainclothes Division
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: South Park, CO
Posts: 6,323
                     
News of THIS day

A return of our annual feature. As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".

The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.
------------

Serena "Supports" Troops

When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------

Damir Goes Global

Tired of moving his family from country to country, and then discovering things aren't quite the way he wants, Damir Dokic has turned to Ebay. He is offering Jelena's citizenship and Fed Cup participation to the country that makes the highest bid.
-----------------

Early Entries for Kournikova Tourney

IMG has announced the first group of invitees for their newly-created Anna Kournikova Invitational. The list is as follows:

Anna Kournikova
Nancy Loeffler-Caro
Dewonder Davis
Karen Fodera

List to be updated when future announcements are made.
------------------

New Tour Sponsor

The WTA Tour has announced a deal with a new clothing sponsor, Victoria's Secret. They will provide all clothing for WTA and Fed Cup matches.
------------------

New Official Tour Charity

The WTA Tour has announced that the new official tour charity will be the "Towels for Lisa" Fund.
------------------

Mauresmo Biopic Planned

A new film about the life of tennis star Amelie Mauresmo is said to be in the planning stages. Working title for the film is "A Beautiful Hind". WTAWorld's own Tia Clara has been signed on as costume designer.
--------------------

That's all the "news" I've uncovered so far. But I'm sure our many reporters here can find a few more stories.
Brian Stewart is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 09:12 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The lonely desert
Posts: 1,626
                     
Pistolesi gone, Chandra getting it right, Serena helping the war effort, new Mauresmo film, Dokic up for auction, quality Kournikova tournament - what more can I say? Good to hear some positive news for once

אנה פיסטולצ'י
אנה אנה אנה
Messenger is offline  
post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 10:03 AM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 13
 
Excellent stuff. Well done!
mattmorelli is offline  
post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 10:06 AM
Senior Member
 
moby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 14,440
                     
And the amazing thing is... it's all true.

A single flow'r he sent me, since we met./All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet - One perfect rose.
I knew the language of the floweret;/'My fragile leaves,' it said, 'his heart enclose.'
Love long has taken for his amulet/One perfect rose.
Why is it no one ever sent me yet/One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get/One perfect rose.
moby is offline  
post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 10:07 AM
Sunset, Moonrise, Winter
 
Sam L's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Shangri-La
Posts: 35,179
                     
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Stewart
Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.
LOL! This is too good!
Sam L is offline  
post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 10:19 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: The lonely desert
Posts: 1,626
                     
Quote:
Originally Posted by easy
And the amazing thing is... it's all true.
I just bought tickets to Anna's tourney (I want to see Nancy and DeWonder play live)

אנה פיסטולצ'י
אנה אנה אנה
Messenger is offline  
post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 11:05 AM
Senior Member
 
Glenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Belgium
Posts: 6,834
                     
Mercury Williams, lol!

Anna would probably lose a few games to Nancy Loeffler-Caro...

N N




~|~ Justine Henin-Hardenne ~|~ ~|~ Karolina Sprem ~|~ ~|~ Ashley Harkleroad~|~ ~|~ Marissa Irvin ~|~ ~|~ Corina Morariu ~|~ ~|~ Anna Kournikova ~|~ ~|~ Clarisa Fernandez ~|~ ~|~ Flavia Pennetta ~|~ ~|~ Iroda Tulyaganova ~|~ ~|~ Lina Krasnoroutskaya ~|~ ~|~ Denisa Chladkova ~|~ ~|~ Patty Schnyder ~|~ ~|~ Aniko Kapros ~|~ ~|~ Daja Bedanova ~|~ ~|~ Maja Matevzic ~|~ ~|~ Alexandra Stevenson ~|~
Glenn is offline  
post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 11:14 AM
Keeper of Secrets
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Speculation Land
Posts: 8,599
                     
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Stewart
A return of our annual feature. As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".



When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------
lol- will there be a news update tomorrow


Veelieve
Chance is offline  
post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 11:20 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 4,384
 
great one brian.

"When I was four years old, we moved from England to USA, when my mother found out that I won't be KING!" -- Bob Hope--

Madame Oracene Williams could certainly teach the French & Belgian crowds on how to upgrade their respective primitive behaviours during a tennis match.
BasicTennis is offline  
post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 11:25 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: jealousville
Posts: 5,330
 
Finally some good news

Well done Brian
vaiva is offline  
post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 12:07 PM
Team WTAworld
Senior Member
 
Cariaoke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Hustler University
Posts: 21,802
                     
LOL! Well done.

Williams x2 Clijsters Golovin Ivanovic Li Jackson
Federer Blake Fish Roddick Grosjean Bryans x2

"I believe in being polite, you know. In life, the elevator goes both ways, up and down."
-- Roger Federer

like my av? want one like it?
Cariaoke is offline  
post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 01:40 PM
Senior Member
 
propi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Lost in Space
Posts: 34,058
                     

And why not Jupiter Williams, as is the biggest one??
LOL anyway it's all so good

"Qui n'a connu
Douleur immense
N'aura qu'un aperçu
Du temps
"


propi is offline  
post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 01:45 PM
Senior Member
 
selesfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 6,162
                     
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian Stewart
A return of our annual feature. As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)

A Player by Any Other Name

In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.

Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.

Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".

The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.
------------

Serena "Supports" Troops

When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.

On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
----------------

Damir Goes Global

Tired of moving his family from country to country, and then discovering things aren't quite the way he wants, Damir Dokic has turned to Ebay. He is offering Jelena's citizenship and Fed Cup participation to the country that makes the highest bid.
-----------------

Early Entries for Kournikova Tourney

IMG has announced the first group of invitees for their newly-created Anna Kournikova Invitational. The list is as follows:

Anna Kournikova
Nancy Loeffler-Caro
Dewonder Davis
Karen Fodera

List to be updated when future announcements are made.
------------------

New Tour Sponsor

The WTA Tour has announced a deal with a new clothing sponsor, Victoria's Secret. They will provide all clothing for WTA and Fed Cup matches.
------------------

New Official Tour Charity

The WTA Tour has announced that the new official tour charity will be the "Towels for Lisa" Fund.
------------------

Mauresmo Biopic Planned

A new film about the life of tennis star Amelie Mauresmo is said to be in the planning stages. Working title for the film is "A Beautiful Hind". WTAWorld's own Tia Clara has been signed on as costume designer.
--------------------

That's all the "news" I've uncovered so far. But I'm sure our many reporters here can find a few more stories.
LOL! Great stories!
selesfan is offline  
post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 01:51 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Montreal, Qc, Canada
Posts: 1,116
                     
nice stories!!
Hi Buddy!
Sofiane is offline  
post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 02:00 PM
Senior Member
 
tennischick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: cerca de aquí
Posts: 5,730
                     

"For now, Roddick seems to play with the intelligence of a fence post."
Greg Couch, Chicago Sun Times
tennischick is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the TennisForum.com forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome