A return of our annual feature.
As usual, the information contained herein is not to be taken seriously or internally. Should you accidently swallow any of this, do not induce vomitting. (The thread will probably do it for you.)
A Player by Any Other Name
In order to change her fortunes, and return to the Grand Slam winner's circle, Jennifer Capriati has announced that she has now changed her name to Jennifer Williams. Father Stefano initially opposed the idea, until reminded of the difference in payout between champions and semifinalists.
Meanwhile Venus Williams, currently stuck in the #2 spot in the rankings, has noticed that the planet she is named for is likewise stuck in the #2 spot in the solar system. So, in a bid to regain the #1 ranking, she has changed her name to Mercury Williams.
Chanda Rubin, frustrated at having her name misspelled for over a decade, gave in and changed it officially to "Chandra".
The international tennis community has obtained a court injunction forcing Anna Pistolesi to return to her maiden name, Smashnova, the most appropriate name in tennis.
Serena "Supports" Troops
When a couple of missle launchers broke down recently, Serena Williams donated several of her sports bras to use instead.
On a related note, Serena is appearing in a new sports bra advertisement: "Only the eyeballs should bounce."
Damir Goes Global
Tired of moving his family from country to country, and then discovering things aren't quite the way he wants, Damir Dokic has turned to Ebay. He is offering Jelena's citizenship and Fed Cup participation to the country that makes the highest bid.
Early Entries for Kournikova Tourney
IMG has announced the first group of invitees for their newly-created Anna Kournikova Invitational. The list is as follows:
List to be updated when future announcements are made.
New Tour Sponsor
The WTA Tour has announced a deal with a new clothing sponsor, Victoria's Secret. They will provide all clothing for WTA and Fed Cup matches.
New Official Tour Charity
The WTA Tour has announced that the new official tour charity will be the "Towels for Lisa" Fund.
Mauresmo Biopic Planned
A new film about the life of tennis star Amelie Mauresmo is said to be in the planning stages. Working title for the film is "A Beautiful Hind". WTAWorld's own Tia Clara has been signed on as costume designer.
That's all the "news" I've uncovered so far. But I'm sure our many reporters here can find a few more stories.