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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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WTA Literature - Books On Pros

Just for fun! I remember these type things from primary school. You make up a book title and author. Like "Under the Bleachers" by Seamore Butts. Or "20 Yards To Go" by Willie Make-It. What would be some funny WTA/ATP players books. Here's some I could think of:
and they're *supposed* to be funny, not mean - spirited.


"Standing Tall" - Amanda Coetzer
"A Complete Essay Of My Singles Titles" - Anna Kournikova
"How To Be Born Ugly & Win Pretty" - Anna Kournikova
"A Complete Guide Of German Laws & Tourism" - Monica Seles
"How To Consistently Lose To Your Baby Sis" - Venus Williams
"My Love Of Screaming Babies & Ringing Cell Phones" - Jennifer Capriati
"The Longest Name On Tour" - Kim Po & Patricia Hy
"Grass Is For Choking On" - Jana Novotna
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 12:38 AM
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How To Gain Weight- Daniela Hantuchova

Mental Toughness- Jelena Dokic

Want an Ugly Backhand?-Justine H-H
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 12:52 AM Thread Starter
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"Baselines & Backhands" - Jana Novotna
"Two-handed Topsin" - Steffi Graf
"Silence On The Court" - Monica Seles
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 01:02 AM
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"Feat of Clay", Chris Evert

"I'm OK, You're In My Way-Move it Bitch!", Jennifer Capriati

"How To Win Everything In Sight Til 90", Martina Navratilova. 28th edition. First published in 1975.

"Don't Cry For Me Argentina:I'm a Hot Latin Lass", Gabriela Sabatini

"Dealing With Pesky Older Sisters Who Overshadow You." Serena Williams

"Wine, Women, and Bikes for Dykes: A Guide For Collectors." Conchita Martinez.

"From Fears to Cheers: A WTA Guide on How to Carry Yourself With Class." Monica Seles

"My Virginity Will Go On:Anna Reveals All From Inside a Russian Orthodox Monastery." Anna Kournikova
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 01:30 AM
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"I'm Not Cheap, I'm Threfty: A Champion's Guide To Getting Free Shit"- Serena Williams

"I'd Rather Lose To The Williams Playing Aggressively Instead Of...Hey, Shut That Goddamn Baby Up!"- Jennifer Capriati

"Help, My Second Serve Got Lost In A Mix Of Unused Floor Tiles: When Two World's Collide: Tennis And Decorative Design"- Venus Williams

"The Sexiest Loser To Ever Hold A Tennis Raquet: The Anna Kournikova Story"- Some Angry Guy She Blew Off

"Benefits of Giving Lleyton Some Ass: Australia's My Serogate Home"- Kim Clijsters

"I Wore That Same Tennis Outfit, With Matching Hat, To My Wedding, For Sure"- Justine Henin-Hardenne

"It's Not Heavy, It's My Ass"- Serena Williams

"At This Point, Can I Possibly Be Stable?: Coping With A 5th Straight Loss To My Little Sister, And A Skinny Chick From Arizona"- Venus Williams

Dammitt, Venus!!!

Last edited by HAIL-VENUS; Apr 1st, 2003 at 01:45 AM.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 02:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HAIL-VENUS
"I'm Not Cheap, I'm Threfty: A Champion's Guide To Getting Free Shit"- Serena Williams

"I'd Rather Lose To The Williams Playing Aggressively Instead Of...Hey, Shut That Goddamn Baby Up!"- Jennifer Capriati

"Help, My Second Serve Got Lost In A Mix Of Unused Floor Tiles: When Two World's Collide: Tennis And Decorative Design"- Venus Williams

"The Sexiest Loser To Ever Hold A Tennis Raquet: The Anna Kournikova Story"- Some Angry Guy She Blew Off

"Benefits of Giving Lleyton Some Ass: Australia's My Serogate Home"- Kim Clijsters

"I Wore That Same Tennis Outfit, With Matching Hat, To My Wedding, For Sure"- Justine Henin-Hardenne

"It's Not Heavy, It's My Ass"- Serena Williams

"At This Point, Can I Possibly Be Stable?: Coping With A 5th Straight Loss To My Little Sister, And A Skinny Chick From Arizona"- Venus Williams
great stuff ... lol
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 02:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HAIL-VENUS
"I'm Not Cheap, I'm Threfty: A Champion's Guide To Getting Free Shit"- Serena Williams

"I'd Rather Lose To The Williams Playing Aggressively Instead Of...Hey, Shut That Goddamn Baby Up!"- Jennifer Capriati

"Help, My Second Serve Got Lost In A Mix Of Unused Floor Tiles: When Two World's Collide: Tennis And Decorative Design"- Venus Williams

"The Sexiest Loser To Ever Hold A Tennis Raquet: The Anna Kournikova Story"- Some Angry Guy She Blew Off

"Benefits of Giving Lleyton Some Ass: Australia's My Serogate Home"- Kim Clijsters

"I Wore That Same Tennis Outfit, With Matching Hat, To My Wedding, For Sure"- Justine Henin-Hardenne

"It's Not Heavy, It's My Ass"- Serena Williams

"At This Point, Can I Possibly Be Stable?: Coping With A 5th Straight Loss To My Little Sister, And A Skinny Chick From Arizona"- Venus Williams
OMG I don't know which is funnier It's not heavy, it's my ass or ....shut the gd baby up....oh and for sure........


You deserve some rep points for this :-)
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 03:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HAIL-VENUS
"I'm Not Cheap, I'm Threfty: A Champion's Guide To Getting Free Shit"- Serena Williams

"I'd Rather Lose To The Williams Playing Aggressively Instead Of...Hey, Shut That Goddamn Baby Up!"- Jennifer Capriati

"Help, My Second Serve Got Lost In A Mix Of Unused Floor Tiles: When Two World's Collide: Tennis And Decorative Design"- Venus Williams

"The Sexiest Loser To Ever Hold A Tennis Raquet: The Anna Kournikova Story"- Some Angry Guy She Blew Off

"Benefits of Giving Lleyton Some Ass: Australia's My Serogate Home"- Kim Clijsters

"I Wore That Same Tennis Outfit, With Matching Hat, To My Wedding, For Sure"- Justine Henin-Hardenne

"It's Not Heavy, It's My Ass"- Serena Williams


"At This Point, Can I Possibly Be Stable?: Coping With A 5th Straight Loss To My Little Sister, And A Skinny Chick From Arizona"- Venus Williams
LMAO!
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 04:22 AM
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Daddy Dearest by Jelena Dokic

Raising Champions From the Crib to Ensure a Retirement Nest-Egg for Your Lazy Ass, and Other Nauseating Subjects, a collection of essays by Peter Graf, Stefano Capriati and Richard Williams (with a foreword by Melanie Molitor)

How to Bump Into Champions Everywhere You Go, by Irina Spirlea

What's a Girl to Do With Her Penthouse Lawsuit Settlement? Investments and Marketing Strategy, by Anna Kournikova

Anna: The Real Story, by Martina Hingis

Martina II: The Really Realer Story, by Anna Kournikova

The True Meaning of "High-Sticking": Hockey Players I Have Known, by Anna Kournikova

Goddammit, I've Really Been Pissed Off All These Years, and Now I've Finally Worked Up the Nerve to Tell ALL!, by Steffi it's Stefanie Graf, dammit!

How to Marry Hot Chicks, by Andre Agassi

How to Get Laid by Hot Chicks Without Having to Marry Them, by Marat Safin

Battling BO and BS in the Booth: My Years as a Commentator, by Mary Carillo

How to Change the World, by Billie Jean King

My Report on Title IX, by Jennifer Capriati

Martina Won Our H2H But I Got All the Endorsements, by Chris Evert

Things Cliff Drysdale and I Agree On, a short work by Patrick McEnroe

Both Sides of the Locker Room, by Renee Richards
(Don't know who she is? Look her up. )

Have I Mentioned World Team Tennis Lately?, by Billie Jean King

It's My French Open Final And I'll Cry If I Want To, by Martina Hingis

I Don't Really Have Anything to Say, I Just Thought I'd Write a Book Because I'm Serena Williams, by Serena Williams

Yes, John McEnroe, We Are Serious, by Lots of People
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old Apr 1st, 2003, 04:29 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
How to Bump Into Champions Everywhere You Go, by Irina Spirlea

The True Meaning of "High-Sticking": Hockey Players I Have Known, by Anna Kournikova

How to Get Laid by Hot Chicks Without Having to Marry Them, by Marat Safin

My Report on Title IX, by Jennifer Capriati

Both Sides of the Locker Room, by Renee Richards
(Don't know who she is? Look her up. )
OMG!!! Those are WAY good!!!!! 'Specially the Renne Richards one! I'm laughing so hard right now!!!!
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old Aug 27th, 2004, 05:14 AM Thread Starter
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old Aug 27th, 2004, 05:30 AM
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"Quiet Please! You Know, Managing Kids and You Know, Cell Phones" by Jennifer Capriati

"You Can Be My Tennis Ball" by Serena Williams

"Play Your Best Tiebreak" by Karolina Sprem

"You've Got to Hand It To Me" by Justine Henin Hardenne

"Gender Equality in the Fashion World" by Pierre-Yves Hardenne

"My Country, My Home" by Jelena Dokic forward by Mary Pierce

"Sucessful Tennis Parenting: Knowing When Enough Is Enough" by Damir Dokic, forward by Jim Pierce, epilogue by Stefano Capriati

Last edited by bw2082; Aug 27th, 2004 at 05:39 AM.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old Aug 27th, 2004, 05:38 AM
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What Do You Know about the English Language? Ways to Increase Conversational Vocabulary and Avoid Filler Words by Kim Clijsters, forward by Jennifer Capriati
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old Aug 27th, 2004, 05:54 AM
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"Playing for Shits and Giggles: My Life on Tour" by Maureen Drake

"The Art of the Injury Timeout" by Justine Henin Hardenne

"Realizing Your True Potential" by Kim Clijsters

"Conflict Resolution: Turning Conflict into Collaboration" by Patty Schnyder
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