Women's locker room towel-guy
Join Date: Sep 2002
Ralph: Okay, men, let's get this meeting over with. We've all got 18 rounds of golf to play before sundown.
Betty: I'm here, too!
Ralph: Um...who are you?
Betty: I'm Betty, the new member of the Family Circle Cup marketing team. You said "men," I just wanted to point out that there was a woman in the room.
Ralph: We noticed, trust me. Now, to business: we're in deep shit. September 11, the war and probably some other stuff has made the economy go down the drain. Oh, no, I've made everyone cry. That's what happens when you get a bunch of marketing people talking about a bad economy. Betsy, pass around the kleenex.
Betty: It's "Betty."
Ralph: Whatever, just hand out the tissues, honey. Now, dry those tears men -- you're not crying, Betty Boop, so I'll leave you out of that one -- we have a chance to pull in lots of money if we just design the right brochure. Who do we want on the cover?
Betty: "Whom" do we want on the cover.
Dave (attempting to talk through his tears): :::sniffle::: Wouldn't we want to draw people with images and promises of seeing the best women tennis players in the world today?
Ralph: Hmmm. That might work. Who is that, anyway?
Dave: Serena Wilson.
Ralph: Whatever. Is she really that good?
Betty: She's the current holder of all four grand slam titles and the number one ranked player in the world.
Ralph: Okay, but is she pretty?
Dave: Sort of. Depends on what you like, really. She's got a great muscular bod and some great gazongas, I'll tell you that!
Ralph: Well, let's see what the Dumb-Ass Marketing Manual has to say about this.
<Ralph opens the DAMM and flips to Chapter 1: Bouncing Boobs and Bullshit.>
Ralph: It says here that big boobs are good, muscular bodies are bad. Hmmm. Wait, there's a footnote: when in emergency, consult the emergency kit. Dave, I'm afraid the situation is truly this dire.
Dave: You mean...
Ralph: That's right. Break open the emergency kit.
<Dave pulls the axe from the wall and shatters the emergency glass case which contains a book titled Marketing Emergency Kit for Dumb-Asses. He pulls it out and hands it to Ralph, who starts reading.>
Ralph: Of course! We should have known! It says here that when faced with any financial crisis of any sort, simply use the image of Anna Kournikova!
Betty: That's outrageous! She hasn't accomplished anything recently! She's not even ranked in the top 50!
Dave: But she's so recognizable! She's so famous!
Ralph: That face!
Dave: That bod!
Ralph: That name recognition! That sound I hear is the ringing of cash registers!
Betty: No, it's the turning of my stomach.
Ralph: Oh, can it, toots! Anna's hot, she's famous and she'll pull in paying customers by the drove. We're marketing people; we've just marketed. It's logical. We've just done our job. Now appreciate the paycheck this blonde bimbo will bring all of us, use it to put your kids through college, stop whining and let's all go play golf.