My piece of fiction part 2
Anne: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the tennis celebrity edition of The Weakest Link. Now, I’d like to welcome you back ladies but your last visit was no welcome at all. So this time around I suggest we skip the introductions and plunge directly into the game, do you agree?
Jennifer: Um, like, whatever, you know?
Lindsay: I’m all set Anne.
Serena: Ready to rock here.
Venus: Sounds good.
Anna: Hi I am Anna Kornikova and I’m playing for the Supermodel Tennis Player of the World Foundation.
Jennifer: Like, you know, did you just make that up?
Lindsay: Jen, I don’t think she can spell Tennis.
Martina: Oh, what did I hear? Lindsay you say what?
Lindsay: I said she played tennis swell.
Serena: Guys lets just play the game, please.
Anne: The clock is set. Jennifer, who was the first man on the moon?
Jennifer: Oh, um, like, you know, that guy who went up in the spaceship, um, his name was, like….
Anne: Time. Martina, what animal is on the New Zealand Five dollar bill?
Martina: Ah, I think when you say New Zealand you mean like New Disneyland, yes? I say Mickey Mouse because he is on all the dollars there.
Serena: What is she talking about?
Venus: I don’t even want to know.
Anne: Wrong. The answer is penguin. Lindsay, what famous fashion designer created Jennifer Lopez’s famous grammy dress?
Lindsay: I know this, I know this, um…
Anna: That question is so no fair. Lindsay, she only wears potato sacks.
Lindsay: Donna Karan!
Anne: Wrong, the correct answer is Versace. Serena, who is the current president of France?
Serena: Omigod, I think, it’s Jacques Chirac?
Anne: Correct. Venus…
Anne: What German doctor coined the phrase, ‘collective unconscious’?
Serena: Way to go, V!
Venus: Thanks sis.
Martina: I think some how they are helping each other.
Lindsay: We’re all on the same side, Martina.
Anne: Anna, what city in the United States is known as the windy city? Anna?
Jennifer: Like, hang up the freaking cell phone, already, you know?
Anna: Sorry, I was on cell phone with my new manager and boyfriend Don King. Don says I will be first Tennis boxer superstar!
Serena: That girl has lost her mind.
Lindsay: What happened to the hockey team?
Anna: They are losers in playoffs. I cannot be with losers.
Jennifer: Like, you know, how do you, like, live with yourself, you know?
Martina: She hides all the mirrors in her house, I think.
Anne: Time. Jennifer, in what country did tennis originate?
Jennifer: Um, like, you know, could you tell the audience to stop clapping so loud! I, like, can’t even, you know, hear the…
Anne: Time. Martina, what famous serial killer was the star of Silence of the Lambs?
Anna: That could be her crazy stalker person.
Martina: I think I would rather have a stalker than Mr. Don King.
Anne: Wrong. The answer is not Don King, but Hannibal Lecter. Lindsay,…
Martina: I knew the answer!
Lindsay: Yeah, right save it for mumsy.
Martina: What? What did you say Lindsay?
Lindsay: I said you’re no dummy.
Anne: Lindsay, who was the protagonist of Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame?
Lindsay: I’d have to say um, the Hunchback guy, Anne.
Anna: That Lindsay she knows all about humpbacks.
Jennifer: Like, you know, Anna, you’re like so, just, you know, begging for a racquet upside the head.
Anne: Serena, who was the 16th president of the United States?
Martina: What? Those Williams sisters, they are telling answers to each other.
Serena: Venus didn’t say anything.
Martina: I know you have some secret sister language.
Anne: Venus, in what year did the state of Qin unify China?
Venus: Not cutting me any slack, are you Anne? Um, 300 B.C.
Anne: Wrong, the correct answer is 221 B.C.
Jennifer: Oh, sure, look at Miss, like, Queen of the WTA, you know, missed a question! Like, she must be losing her edge or something.
Martina: I think at least she is not using her edges for lines of coke.
Venus: Did she just get my back?
Serena: You better grow eyes in the back of your head, V.
Anne: Anna, what country gifted the statue of liberty to the United States?
Anna: I am tired of questions not about me. Don says I must talk about my upcoming fight. In two weeks time I am fighting Laila Ali of the Alis who I think are an arab oil family.
Serena: Oooo, I am so there.
Venus: Me too!
Anne: Wrong. The correct answer is France. Jennifer, who was the last female tennis player to win a complete grandslam?
Jennifer: You know, like, is that a dig? ‘Cause, like, I have two grandslams and a Fila contract, yeah.
Martina: Fila? They are so bad, they gave Jelena your hand me down dress, yes?
Jennifer: Like, you know, we can all, like, take this to the court and like, I’ll do my talking there, yeah!
Lindsay: In between bong hits.
Jennifer: You know, um, like, what did you say?
Lindsay: I said it’ll be a hit.
Serena: She so did not say that.
Lindsay: I did so. She just misinterpreted me.
Anne: Time. The answer is Graf. Martina…
Anne: Sorry, time has run out and one of you must hit the showers early. Out of a possible 250 thousand, you managed to bank only 1200. So, who has tendonitis of the brain? Whose backhand is backwards?
Announcer: Statistically speaking Venus is the strongest link. She answered the most questions right and banked money for the team. Anna is the weakest link, she failed to even answer any of her questions.
Anne: Lets find out who is The Weakest Link!
Jennifer: Um, you know, like Anna.
Anna: Anna! You see everyone votes for me because I am the most beautiful and popular and richest.
Venus: Actually whomever gets the most votes has to leave.
Anna: No! I am no loser. I am a winner. That is why I have new doll in toy stores!
Serena: Um, we have dolls too.
Anna: My doll is prettier than your dolls.
Venus: Your doll is life-sized and anatomically correct.
Anna: Anatomically? What is this anatomically correct?
Jennifer: Like, it means, you know, you’re a slut as well as a loser, you know?
Anna: You Williams sisters! You always so superior!
Venus: She said it, I didn’t.
Anne: I see we know why Jennifer voted for Anna. Martina, why pray tell, why did you?
Martina: Well, I just think her Don King should promote maybe her education, yes?
Anna: I am not leaving. I am winner not loser.
Lindsay: Okay, we can play a game of Simon says and whoever doesn’t win has to go, okay?
Jennifer: Like, you know, sure.
Serena: Sounds good.
Venus: Can’t we just call security?
Anna: Security like your security bodyguard boyfriend? I shall steal him so there.
Venus: Feel free. If you can steal him he was never mine anyway.
Anna: That Williams sisters she is calling me a thief!
Anne: This Simon says is highly irregular.
Martina: So what. I think so is bowel movement but they happen anyway, yes?
Jennifer: Like, Serena knows all about that, you know?
Serena: What does that mean?
Jennifer: Like, I’m just saying, you know, like I’m not running to the bathroom all the time when I play, yeah.
Serena: I don’t live in the past. The past is over and I’m moving on.
Venus: I hear you, Serena.
Serena: Thanks, V.
Martina: Can we hurry this up, yes? I have surgery in the morning.
Anna: She is getting a bionic ankle!
Martina: You weren’t supposed to say you twit! You’re mouth is one big hole!
Venus: I could make a joke right now, but I’m not even going there.
Serena: Me either.
Lindsay: People, lets get this over with! Simon says whoever has won a singles tournament, raise your hand.
Anna: No fair!
Anne: Well, the vote is final and that means, Anna, that you are The Weakest Link. Goodbye. And goodbye to you all ladies and gentlemen and thank you for turning in to this celebrity edition of The Weakest Link!