HI There I"m new Here: Here is my little piece of fiction - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 4th, 2002, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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HI There I"m new Here: Here is my little piece of fiction

Okay, I coudn't help myself and had to much free time :-)

Announcer: Hello everyone and welcome to the first all tennis celebrity edition of THE WEAKEST LINK! Here's your hostess you all love to hate, Ann!

Ann: Welcome everyone. Let us get on with it and introduce this weeks celebrity contestants. Please, introduce yourselves and the charity you each are playing for.

Serena: Hi Ann! I'm Serena Williams and today I'm playing for the United Inner City Tennis Fund of America.

Martina: Hello, I am Martina the "Queen of Tennis"Hingis, like Michael Jackson, he is the "King of Pop", so I am the Queen of Tennis. Charity, what is this chairity word mean?

Lindsay: Hey there Ann, I'm Lindsay Davenport...

Anna: Davey! Did you know they call you davey on the internet! I know, I saw, I am now on-line all the time.

Lindsay: Hey I believe it was my turn to intro...

Martina: No wonder I never see her in tournaments anymore.

Anna: I had an injury!

Lindsay: Hey I believe it...

Martina: Carpal tunnel is not a tennis injury.

Anna: Puffy!

Lindsay: Hey I believe...

Martina: Why is she calling me a rap star?

Venus: Omigod people, get it together, will you?

Lindsay: Thanks Venus. Now I be...

Martina: Hmph, I am the Queen of Tennis not a rap...

Jennifer: Like, you know, can you just let like Davey introduce herself already, like sheesh! I'm like the comeback story of the year and like I have interviews to do and, you know, people to talk to.

Lindsay: Who are you calling Davey? And I thought you hated the media?

Jennifer: What? Like I only hate them, you know, like when they talk about me, you know?

Lindsay: No, I don't know. The media never talks about me. Never. It's like I don't even exist in the tennis scheme of things. Like I'm in some freaking vacuum...

Serena: Whoa you guys got Lindsay fired up.

Martina: Thats good, yes? Usually she is like a walking corpse on the court.

Anna: Lurch!

Lindsay: It's always Venus this or Capriati that! I still play the game here people! I do have three grandslams! Is it too much to ask to get an interview or an endorsement deal thrown my way? I am the number one player in the world right now!

Martina: Wait, since when I was number one in the world, I really wasn't the number one in the world, so does that mean I am now the true number one because I am no longer number one?

Venus: Guys do really want to get into that "number one" crap?

Jennifer: Like, you know, just shut up miss forty million dollar contract.

Serena: Hey she never brought that up, the media did and besides her endorsement is good for all of tennis!

Venus: Thanks Serena.

Serena: No problem, V.

Martina: Good for me? How is this good for me? Where is my cut? She is not good for me because I am no longer the number one player in the world, am I?

Anna: No, you are the player formerly known as the number one tennis player in the world! Ha!

Jennifer: Like you can talk, you know? Haven't, like, you married that hockey team yet?

Anna: No, no that is so yesterdays news. I am now dating the cast of Oz. I will be on tv next season.

Venus: Okay, thats one endorsement I definitely don't want.

Serena: I hear you, V.

Lindsay: Can I at least get a cameo appearance?

Anna: Yes, you can be the prison matron.

Martina: Just threaten to smack her, Lindsay. She shuts up because a hard smack might dislodge her boob job.

Venus: Did she just say boob?

Serena: Yeah, she just said boob.

Anna: You are all just insanely jealous because I am the most beautiful player in tennis and all the fans love me!

Lindsay: Yeah well if im ever loved that much by thirty five year old men who take my magazine covers into the bathroom with them, then just shoot me, okay?

Serena: Ewww.

Venus: Gross.

Jennifer: Whoa, you know, like after that, you know, like I don't even want any magazine covers or interviews anymore. I hate the media.

Martina: Jennifer never makes sense. I mean you always on ESPN saying you "hate the media". If you hate the media then stop talking to them so much, yes?

Jennifer: Like, anway, I'm jennifer capriati and, you know, like I'm playing for the Teen Drug and Alcohol Kleptomaniac Juvenile Delinquency fund.

Anna: Oh, like that is a surprise. She forgot to add the "for former Burnt-out Tennis Primadonnas on Steroids" part.

Lindsay: Ouch.

Venus: Low blow.

Serena: Yeah, Definitely below the belt.

Anna: Belt? Are you talking about my belt? You Williams sisters and your fashion school are always talking about people! You sisters are not ladies! I am a true lady.

Serena: Anna you're not a lady, you're a blow up doll.

Venus: Oh, Serena you shouldn't sink to her level.

Serena: You're right V.

Venus: But that was a good one!

Serena: Thanks!

Martina: You Williams sisters double team everyone. I mean you always take each others side. I think it must be a black thing, yes?

Venus: Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Serena: Unfortunately.

Martina: See, they didn't deny...

Lindsay: Um, Martina they are sisters after all. Buy a clue already.

Anna: We can buy clues on this game? I would like to buy a clue because I am rich and beautiful.

Venus: I think thats a different game, right Anne?

Serena: Anne?

Lindsay: Anne?

Anna: Where did she go? I did not even introduce myself, even though I need no introduction. I am playing for the Anna Kornikova Tennis Scholarship.

Venus: Anna, the hostess is gone. There is no game anymore.

Martina: That is too bad because her game could have made use of that scholarship. Maybe she could have bought a new coach, yes?

Serena: I am so playing with the guys next time.

Venus: I'm with you on that sis.

Anna: You sisters and always saying you can beat the men. You can not because I have all the men and they will play me not you.

Venus: Sigh.

Serena: Lets get out of here, V before they turn cannibal.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 4th, 2002, 09:08 PM
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LOL, this was good!

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 02:54 AM
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 03:38 AM
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Thumbs up

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 05:33 AM
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It's a little harsh on Anna, but I loved it! The best humor I've seen in a long time!!!!!
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 07:29 AM
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that was pretty good

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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 02:37 PM
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Serena: Anna you're not a lady, you're a blow up doll.
LMAO!! I laughed *so* hard at that

and where they produce desolation, they call it peace
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 03:06 PM
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 03:30 PM
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 04:08 PM
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 5th, 2002, 04:33 PM
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How funny!!

Lindsay Jelena Maria

Mary : Monica : Svetlana : Sania : Jennifer : Amelie
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 6th, 2002, 06:02 AM
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 6th, 2002, 06:16 AM
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old Jan 6th, 2002, 07:10 PM
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Definitely rocks. Cool imagination.

Love Lindsay's role in this one. I'm looking foward to the next part.

I'm so happy because today I found my friends, inside my head.

I'm so ugly but thats ok 'cause so are you.

I am a sufficiently accomplished Legilimens to know when I am being lied to

Shania and Serena! My two fav babes! You gals rock. Keep it coming!! Get well Serena honey!

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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old Nov 17th, 2002, 12:09 AM
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just digging up old stuff :-)

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