my last installment of locker room confessions
Reporter: This is your last warning Miss Capriati. We are five minutes from going on the air and taking questions & comments from the callers
Jennifer: I'm sorry. I'll try to control myself, but I'm not promising you anything.
Martina: Let's try to be profashional, please.
Reporter: Venus, Serena...are you still there.
Serena: Yes, we're here
Reporter: Ladies are you ready to go to the switchboard and take a few calls.
Caller #1: Hello ladies.
Ladies: Hello caller
Caller #1: My name is DayHovah and I just want to say that I really love the Williams Sisters. They're so talented, articulate and poised. I get a big kick out of them beating down their opponents.
Venus: Thanks DayHovah
#1: Oh and I really love Lindsay and Monica too. You two are truly professional and such ladies. (L/M: thanks)
Martina, I really don't know what to say. I think that you are one of the best players on tour, but I just love to hate you...no offense. You used to give my girls big problems!
Martina: Yeah, like, I know, I used to beat everybody.
Dayhovah: And that damn smirk...ooooh, I wanted to smack that smirk off your face, but it was oh so cute
Dayhovah: You will definitely be missed. That's all...and I wish the best for you five lovely and talented ladies. Jennifer...
Jennifer: Like, yeah
Dayhovah: YOU'RE A B!TCH...(hangs up the phone)
Reporter: Alright callers...let's keep it clean. Caller #2 you're on the air.
Caller #2: Yes, Jennifer, don't pay no attention to Dayhovah. He thinks that he is oh so smart. You keep playing your game and speaking your mind. That's what I live by.
Jennifer: Phuck Dayhovah and thank you for calling. I feel a real B!TCH connection between us already.
Caller #2: Me too and in my opinion...the Williams Sisters can't play tennis. Their matches are oh so boring that I can't stand to watch them...even tho I did watch them play the USO 2001, Roland Garros, Wimbledon and USO 2002. I can't stand them, but I know every little thing about them.
Lindsay: She's looney too!
Venus: Who cares if she doesn't like to watch us play. She must have missed a lot of tennis this year.
Serena: You are silly! giggles
Jennifer: That's right girl. Preach SISTER, Preach.
Caller #2: And Monica...to me you are the greatest of ALL TIMES You dominated women's tennis like no other and regardless of the stats and grand slam titles won by Steffi Graf...you are the best and if I had time...I could prove it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Monica: Thanks Caller. What's your name.
Caller #2: Deah...pronounced DIYA
TO BE CONTINUED...
(feel free to pick up with you being the next caller)
NEXT CALLER PLEASE...
Caller: Hello Ladies
Ladies & Jennifer: Hello caller
Caller: First, I would like to say that all of you ladies are truly talented.
Ladies & Jennifer: Thanks
Monica: That was really sweet of you to say.
Caller: Thanks Mon, you are absolutely my favorite. I was so happy that you beat Venus in Australia.
Venus: Uh, she didn't beat me...we beat me!
Caller: I know, I know Venus. You are definitely my favorite. If it weren't for the tendinitis...you would have definitely won the title.
Jennifer: Excuse me I can't help it if the other ladies didn't stop me from defending my Australian Open title. I won it fair and square.
Caller: True...true! You are the best! I feel like I'm cheating on you when I watch the other ladies play. You are without a doubt my favorite player.
Lindsay: Is it just me, or everyone that he's talked to his favorite player?
Caller: No Linzi, it's not you, but you are my very favorite player. When you are on there is noone that can beat you! You go girl!
Serena: Uh, I have beaten Linzi when she's been on...in fact, I have beaten everyone here when they've been on.
Caller: OMG! OMG! I was wondering if I would be able to hear from you. I have a confession to make. I've said some pretty ugly things about you in the past. "Sacrificial Lamb" "Dumb Blonde" and so and so and so and so. But now, after Key Biscayne, Roland Garros, Wimbledon, and the USOpen...you are now my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE
Martina: Hmm, hmmm...let me guess, I'm your favorite too?
Caller: Nah, but when you start winning again...there's a huge possibility that you will be
Reporter: BTW...what is your name, caller?
Caller: I won't say, but I'll give you a clue. My name begins with the same letter as the most previous #1.
Jennifer: Is it a V
Caller: Yes. Now my second letter is the same as the most popular, but titleless player on tour.
Martina: Like, is it an A
Caller: Correct! How many of you are completed your Career Grand Slam?
Lindsay: None of us has...is the next letter a N
Caller: Correcto mundo dude
Jennifer: Hang the damn phone up...I didn't come here to play WHEEL OF JEOPARDY