Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: 12 o'clock high
Agnieszka Radwanska sets conditions to play Warsaw in 2010
1. Tournaments officials, umpires, linespeople and ballkids to kneel before addressing A. Radwanska, and to call her "DIVA AUGUSTA" at all times.
2. A. Radwanska to be carried in a litter at all times, even during changeovers. A. Radwanska will also be assisted by Nubians in loincloths who will refresh her with ostrich feather fans.
3. Warsaw Royal Castle to be renamed "Radwanski Castle".
4. Appearance fee to consist of the fiscal revenue of half of Poland's provinces for the next 50 years. Plus booty and slaves.
5. The art collections of all Polish museums to be replaced by exhibitions of A. Radwanska's drawings.
6. The General Messages section of the website Tennisforum.com to be renamed "Poletard Central", which it already pretty much is.
7. All Polish newspapers to carry an open letter from A. Radwanska entitled "Marta isn't hot - I am".
8. Centre Court matches to be immediately interrupted should Urszula Radwanska feel like holding a picnic there.
9. Evidence of A. Radwanska's loss to one "Micaela Carolina" to be erased from official WTA Tour records.
10. Everything that Tennisforum.com poster Malva says to be carved into stone and enacted into Law.
11. Players' Lounge and sponsor booths area to be razed and replaced by a parking lot for the exclusive use of the Radwanski clan's auto fleet.
12. A. Radwanska to be granted the use of a different Ferrari for each day of the event. Not only did the Divine A. Radwanska modestly consent to be treated this shabbily in terms of transportation, she was also munificent enough to allow the tournament to give princely treatment to the remaining players, in the form of a € 0.75 allowance for bus fare, or the loan of a pair of roller skates with some of the wheels still in place.
13. Parades to be held in celebration of A. Radwanska's greatness and generosity. Many, many parades.