Worshipping the bangs
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Larsson's Player Forum
Last Flight Out of London, 2008
(The computer ate the first one I did, so I tried to remember it. So that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it).
OPEN ON THE PLANE INTERIOR. LENA D., DRESSED IN GROUND CREW COVERALLS, IS BOLTING A BARCOLOUNGER WITH MASSAGE AND A MINIFRIDGE IN PLACE OF A REGULAR SEAT. ANOTHER SEAT, HARD WOOD WITH NAILS STICKING UP FROM IT LIKE A BED OF NAILS IS NEXT TO IT.
Hi. Congratulations on parodying macroeconomics submersible divan dishwasher!
Oh, sorry. Sometimes my English is not so good. I was telling you how glad I was you made your first Wimbledon semifinal!
Yeah, same to you. What's up with those chairs?
They're for the Williams sisters.
Who gets which chair?
LENA D: That will be a Williams family decision for sure!
ENTER MOMMY VERA AND ORACENE. BOTH WEAR THEiR MOTHERS OF USELESS, UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTERS (MUUD) T-SHIRTS. VERA IS COUNTING BILLS AND HANDING THEM OVER.
That's 100, 200, 300 . . .
Oh! Mommy Vera! Did you actually bet money on me to win against Venus?
No, idiot daughter, I bet you wouldn't take more than four games off Venus. You can't even lose properly.
Oh. Well, a big rototiller copyright salsa impenetrability petard cumquat, Mommy Oracene.
Idiot daughter is trying to congratulate you on having your daughters in the final.
Is that what she was trying to say?
Trust me, the girl makes even less sense when she speaks Russian.
How can you say your daughters are useless when the both made a Wimbledon final?
Well, it's simple. Blowing a break and losing a championship? That's pretty useless. And spanking your own sister and embarrassing her on worldwide television? How ungrateful can you get?
ENTER QUEEN MASHA.
We are so tired of the peasants not knowing their place. We must win in America. Luckily, we still look good.
We are not a waiter! We are Queen of Tennis and you are just the mother of an ignorant peasant!
Point taken, but in that outfit, I thought you were a waiter.
Yeah, we get that a lot . . .
Oh, I'm so tired. I'll just sit down.
You can't sit there! That's your seat over there!
You're kidding. All the way over there? I'll need a helicopter to get over there! ONE OF JANKOS LEGS FALLS OFF.
See? ONE OF HER ARMS FALLS OFF.
Um, I'm afraid I'll have to charge extra for those . . .
C'mon! Let's get out of here!
C'mon! I want to play on a real surface again!
We must agree with the peasant.
C'mon! I . . . ANA SUDDENLY FALLS OUT OF HER SEAT.
The pilots hat fell off, and I got distracted.
But he's in the cabin and the door is closed . . . how could you ...
Who's house is this?
Please, you crack-smoking match fixer, this is obviously an airplane, not a house!
What did you just say?
Oh, my poor English. What I meant was congratulations on winning another Wimbledon title!
Man, I'm starving. Ree ate all the food in the flat again. Tell you what, if you get me some breakfast, I'll just forget everything.
She's asking Lena to serve?
Yes. It's a good strategy.
I even brought my own dish ...
HANDS TROPHY TO LENA, WHO RUSHES UP TO THE GALLEY. SOON SHE COMES BACK DOWN THE AISLE, BUT TRIPS OVER A PIECE OF JANKO.
SHE SPILLS VEE'S BREAKFAST AND LETS OUT A NECK-BULGING, HIGH-PITCH SQUEAL OF FRUSTRATION.
SUDDENLY, BITS OF BLOOD AND GRAY MATTER SHOOT OUT OF HER EARS.
Look. Idiot daughter's brain has finally exploded. I knew it would happen one day.
LENA STANDS BACK UP, STARTS LURCHING TOWARD VENUS WITH WHAT'S LEFT OF BREAKFAST.
Oh my God! A Lena D. with no brain! Do you know what this means?
That she'll die?
No! It means she's a legit shot to win the US Open!
ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.
Pass the duct tape and super glue. Lena's done broke my heart one last time.
Onward my LOB! Lena (ret.) Vika Vee Caro Alexa Sabs Wicky Lesia Vania BMS Ekat Andi H. Jo-La Lena V KP2 Lil Bit Kiki Mini Mak Baby Veronika Lucie Cornelia
V Squad, The LOB Elite: Vika, Venus and the Mad Viking of Norrland
Jo-La Duchess of Norrland and Bastad
Elena Viatcheslavovna Dementieva--Eternal Goddess of the Divine Bangs