Worshipping the bangs
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Larsson's Player Forum
Last Flight out of Paris '08
LENA D., DRESSED IN HER FLIGHT ATTENDENT'S UNIFORM, WAITS INSIDE THE DOOR OF THE PLANE. ENTER SAFINA.
I don't know what went wrong. I lost the first set ... I got behind in the second set... everything was going according to my strategy ...
Mommy Vera says that strategy only works on me because I'm a blond--well, then she spells the word so I don't know what it is. What a lovely second place trophy! I used to have one just like it.
Mommy Vera sold it on e-bay. My fans got into such a huge bidding war over it! It sold for $3.57. The other fan must have been so disappointed. Here, let me stow that for you.
LENA TAKES THE TROPHY AND OPENS ONE OF THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENTS, ACCIDENTLY HITS HERSELF IN THE HEAD AND FALLS TO THE GROUND UNCONCIOUS.
C'mon! My opponent hit and unforced error! C'mon! I just benefited from a bad call. God, I hate that bitch. I bet she's really Albanian or something.
ENTER QUEEN MASHA, WITH A VERY SMALL MARTINA HINGIS SITTING ON HER SHOULDER.
What do you care? It's only the stupid French. Nobody cares about the stupid French.
No, we must win them all! We are the tallest, the most beautiful, the most invincible...
Nah, Hingis is right. It's just the French. I mean think about it. The game is lawn tennis, not sandbox tennis.
Loathe as we are to admit it, we see that the peasants have a valid point. We hate all forms of dirt and grime, and will go on to our royal courts at Wimbledon.
ENTER SVETA, CHEWING GUM.
Poor Sveta. Sveta not win again. Sveta now try to walk and chew gum at same time--ack, ack. Help, Sveta choking!!!
Aren't flight attendants supposed to know first aid?
THEY LOOK AT LENA D, WHO HAS JUST SAT UP GROGGILY.
Yes, I took the first aid course. I'd be okay if she was having a heart attack, or bleeding, or something like that.
But she's choking!
I know. But I was sick the day we learned how to handle choking.
Let me try. SHE KICKS SVETA IN THE ASS, HARD, DISLODGING THE GUM.
Sveta thanks you.
ENTER ORACENE AND MOMMY VERA, WEARING THEIR MUUD (MOTHERS OF USELESS, UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTERS) T-SHIRTS.
Useless Daughter! Fetch us some champagne.
Yes Mommy Vera.
Are you sure that's a good idea?
Our useless, ungrateful daughters lost. At least she can amuse us.
Yes, well, at least your daughter lost to somebody I actually heard of...
LENA D. TRIES TO OPEN CHAMPAGNE; CORK FLIES UP AND HITS HER IN THE HEAD, RENDERING HER SENSELESS AGAIN.
Hmmm. Usually idiot daughter shoots self in foot, not head!
ORACENE AND MOMMY VERA LAUGH LENA SITS UP, SHAKING COBWEBS FROM HEAD.
Lookit, lookit, lookit! C'mon! Look at my trophy.
Oh, I have something for you.
LENA RUNS BACK TO GALLEY AND RETURNS WITH A HUGE CREAM PIE. AS SHE WALKS DOWN THE AISLE, SHE TRIPS OVER NOTHING AND HITS SELF IN FACE WITH PIE.
Like we couldn't see that one coming...
Pass the duct tape and super glue. Lena's done broke my heart one last time.
Onward my LOB! Lena (ret.) Vika Vee Caro Alexa Sabs Wicky Lesia Vania BMS Ekat Andi H. Jo-La Lena V KP2 Lil Bit Kiki Mini Mak Baby Veronika Lucie Cornelia
V Squad, The LOB Elite: Vika, Venus and the Mad Viking of Norrland
Jo-La Duchess of Norrland and Bastad
Elena Viatcheslavovna Dementieva--Eternal Goddess of the Divine Bangs