Worshipping the bangs
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Larsson's Player Forum
Third Annual WTAWorld Halloween Story
OPEN ON A SHOT OF A GOTHIC HOUSE ATOP A SMALL HILL. IT IS RAINING HEAVILY, AND LIGHTING BOLTS FLASH ACROSS THE SKY. ONE FLASH ILLUMINATES A SIGN ON THE GATE: “WTAWORLD HOME FOR RETIRED TENNIS PLAYERS.”
A BLACK BMW X3 PULLS UP NEXT TO THE GATE. THE DOOR OPENS, AND A FAMILIAR BLONDE FINDS HERSELF SITTING IN THE MUD LOOKING UP THE BMW.
But Mommy Vera, I just won the biggest tournament of my life! I don’t want retire!
MOMMY VERA (FROM INSIDE THE BMW)
Don’t be ridiculous, useless daughter. It is clear that you and Serena are both washed up. Beating aged, injured, out-of-practice McDonald’s scarfing American is proof of nothing. That, and you have some nerve, hiring new coach instead of I, who labored for hours to bring your empty head into this world.”
But Mommy Vera . . . it’s my birthday . . .
I gave you ride all the way to gates of rest home. And you want more? What an ungrateful, horrible daughter!
But Mommy . . .
No more butts! Busy Mother had time to coach only one big-nosed, blonde with all sorts of psychological issues!
A HUGE CRASH OF THUNDER EXPLODES! THE BACK WINDOW OF THE SUV ROLLS DOWN AND SESIL STICKS HER HEAD OUT.
You see? You see? My return IS thunderous! Bwa ha ha ha ha!
This is so not fair. Can I at least have a ride up to the home?
No. I just had your car detailed, and I don’t want to get it covered in blood . . . I mean mud.
THE BMW ROARS OFF, LEAVING LENA ALONE AT THE GATE. SHE MOVES TOWARD IT—WITH A GROANING CREEK IT SWINGS OPEN AS THOUGH PUSHED BY AN UNSEEN HAND.
LENA BEGINS TRUDGING UP THE HILL.
CUT TO THE FRONT PORCH OF THE HOSPITAL. LENA HAS LOST ONE OF HER YONEX® SHOES IN THE MUCK. A WET AND BEDRAGGLED VEE AND REE WAIT BY THE DOOR.
What happened to you?
I’m not sure . . . I was in Asia, playing some tournaments, then I remember falling asleep in the lounge and I woke up here . . .
I was going to the hospital to get my leg taken care of, and I ended up here instead.
And then your mom pulls up and dumps you here in the mud . . .
Something suspicious is going on.
Not really. Mommy Vera dumps me in the mud all the time . . .
And you lost a final to her?
Man! Maybe I do belong here . . .
JUST THEN, THE DOOR OPENS . . .
Pass the duct tape and super glue. Lena's done broke my heart one last time.
Onward my LOB! Lena (ret.) Vika Vee Caro Alexa Sabs Wicky Lesia Vania BMS Ekat Andi H. Jo-La Lena V KP2 Lil Bit Kiki Mini Mak Baby Veronika Lucie Cornelia
V Squad, The LOB Elite: Vika, Venus and the Mad Viking of Norrland
Jo-La Duchess of Norrland and Bastad
Elena Viatcheslavovna Dementieva--Eternal Goddess of the Divine Bangs