Anyone remember our threads on shortest and longest Tennis Books? - TennisForum.com

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post #1 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 17th, 2002, 08:39 PM Thread Starter
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Anyone remember our threads on shortest and longest Tennis Books?

Those threads on Sanex Boards? That was true gems.. Pity (if) it was lost... Should we run a 1-year anniversary threads on those subjects?

"..just knowing that as long as i choose life, there is hope."

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post #2 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 17th, 2002, 09:38 PM
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As Marv Albert would say, yes ys!

I'm glad I printed up a few of my posts and threads from the Sanex board before it went down. It's funny to re-read them and the posters comments!
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post #3 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 17th, 2002, 11:32 PM
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Look for them in Wertheim's mailbag archive. He stole several of them from us.

You have to answer for Santino, Carlo.
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post #4 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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I probably have a full copy of the longest books thread, but none of the shortest, which was the funnier one, it seems to me..

"..just knowing that as long as i choose life, there is hope."

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post #5 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 12:33 AM
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It's nice to remember some of the truly funny moments from the old board. Reminds me that it wasn't always a bitch-fest.

If we can get them back, then I'd love to laugh at them all over again. If not, let's start it again, but it needs to re-appear in some form.


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post #6 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 01:54 AM Thread Starter
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here is what I have..


TOPIC The World's LONGEST tennis books


rollo posted at July 19,2001 18:13:
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What tennis books would be long and heavy, either in pages or titles?
"How I Beat Martina 37 times:a shot by shot recollection, plus tips on how to beat nasty net-rushers", by Chris Evert.
Martina's reply volume: "Kicking Chrissie's *ss MORE than 37 times". Navratilova's 1400 plus singles wins are listed, filling up 100 pages alone.
"Winning on clay by grinding down the enemy", co-authored by Aranxcha Sanchez and Conchita Martinez. As a special bonus EVERY clay court win of ASV and Conchita is listed. The appendix of 100 pages gives geometric diagrams of all the possible clay-court angles.

"The Unedited All-Inclusive Interview Book of Jennifer Capriati", by Jennifer Capriati.
Over 1,000 pages of Capriati gems, complete with every "I know" and "Like" ever spoken.
========================================

Seles posted at July 19,2001 18:25:
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How To Overcome Adversity - Monica Seles
------------------
========================================

lance posted at July 19,2001 18:31:
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My Complete Listing Of Forehand Winners Stefanie Graf
A shot by shot, match by match recap of every forehand winner that S. Graf has ever hit, starting from the junior circuit.
========================================

Julian posted at July 19,2001 18:34:
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"My Complete List of Websites" by Anna Kournikova
Perhaps infinite number of websites listed on each page!

========================================

Becca posted at July 19,2001 18:49:
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Venus Williams' Tennis Fashions
A comprehensive listing of every single different tennis outfit that Venus has ever worn onto court.
========================================

janie posted at July 19,2001 19:14:
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"My Repetitions", by Chris Evert. In this tome, Chris lists every comment she has ever made while commentating matches on tv; each different comment is a chapter heading. The chapter itself lists the dates and times of every repetition of the same comment.
The chapters are long.
========================================

janie posted at July 19,2001 19:16:
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"My Boyfriends", by Martina Hingis. Boyfriends listed by height.
[This message has been edited by janie (edited 07-19-2001).]
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Lelu posted at July 19,2001 19:23:
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"My years competing in tennis" by Martina Navratilova
"Winless streak: an open-end story" by Anna Kournikova
"How to turn your kids into tennis champions" by Richard Williams
"The list of obscenities and offenses for tennis" by John McEnroe
========================================

kazbeee posted at July 19,2001 19:29:
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How to look totally p*ssed off even when your a set to love and 3 breaks up by Lindsay Davenport
I still love you lindsay
========================================

f_of_t posted at July 19,2001 19:33:
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lol@winless streak-open end story
issue(s) i aroused- richard williams
when i was still chubby- lindsay davenport
good ole times with mom- martina hingis
to lose with a smile- martina hingis
the joy of yellin at linesmen- andre agassi


========================================

janie posted at July 19,2001 19:39:
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"Girls Just Got to Have Fun", by Natasha Zvereva and Iva Majoli
Stern Postscript by Reformed Fun-maker, Jennifer Capriati
========================================

Wayne 2 posted at July 19,2001 23:56:
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"The Alleged Physical Ailments That Have Made Us Default/Withdraw from/Lose Tennis Matches During Our Short Careers", by Venus & Serena Williams.
"A Stroke-By-Stroke Analysis of Our 1998 U.S. Open Match", by Amanda Coetzer and Conchita Martinez.
"Embarrassing Events While Inebriated", by Damir Dokic.
"My Neuroses", by Samantha Stevenson.

[This message has been edited by Wayne 2 (edited 07-19-2001).]
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Becca posted at July 20,2001 12:03:
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"Giving Credit Where Its Due" a complete list of every nice thing Monica Seles has said about every WTA player, past and present.
Presented in chronological order.
========================================

rollo posted at July 20,2001 09:40:
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at Janie. Zvereva IS a fun time girl, especially on the dance floor. LOL at Wayne with the Coetzer-Martinez match I actually finished WAR and Peace while they played.
========================================

AlexSydney posted at July 20,2001 09:45:
----------------------------------------
"My Home" by Evonne Goolagong (spell?)
========================================

Brian Stewart posted at July 20,2001 10:23:
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"Jim Lampley on tennis"
(or anything, for that matter)
"John McEnroe on John McEnroe"
"People who are out to get me"- by Samantha Stevenson
"A tribute to Andy Roddick"- by Jim Courier
========================================

janie posted at July 20,2001 10:45:
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Amazing how memories of that Coetzer-Martinez match are seared into the brains of all who suffered through it! It will never die, will it!
========================================

sk posted at July 20,2001 10:52:
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"The Great Maureen Connolley" John Barrett
========================================

EveCarmen posted at July 20,2001 11:12:
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"An in depth guide to hair straightening" by Melanie Molitor
"Inside my Trophy Cabinet"
A step by step analysis of tournament wins
By Martina Navratilova
"All my Aces" By Goran Invanisevic


========================================

kazbeee posted at July 20,2001 11:19:
----------------------------------------
"The art of making sure you look good but never succeeding" by Mary Pierce
========================================

Rusty posted at July 20,2001 12:04:
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"Winning the love & support of the Roland Garros crowd (if you're not French)" - Steffi Graf ... dedicated to her dear friend Martina Hingis
"How to waste time between points" - Mary Pierce
"Excuses for losing a match" - Serena Williams
"How to stay #1 without winning a grand slam" - Martina Hingis

========================================

janie posted at July 20,2001 12:10:
----------------------------------------
"How I Love My Hair" by Anna Kournikova, with a separate chapter devoted to each strand, detailing its highlights, treatments, history, and favorite brushes.
========================================

Iva's #1 Fan posted at July 20,2001 12:51:
----------------------------------------
LMAO! These are hilarious! And also the ones in Waynes' thread!

"The Year My Voice Broke" - by Lleyton Hewitt
"My Mother The Occultist - now with illustrations" - by Alexandra Stevenson"
"How I Turned Losing Into An Art Form" - by Nancy Loeffler-Caro
"All by Myself" by Martina Hingis
"Secrets to Playing Nude - A Collaboration " by Anna Kournikova, Olga Barabanschikova, Barbara Schett & Monique Viele
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" - by Bud Collins
"Its My Party And I'll Invite Who I Want To" - by Jelena Dokic
"434 Different Ways To Frown" by Conchita Martinez
"An Over Priced Fish Called Wanda" by Damir Dokic


========================================

sianQuincy posted at July 20,2001 13:01:
----------------------------------------
'Questioning Line Calls - The definitive Guide' - Arantxa Sanchez-V (ouch, ouch, ouch thats the last on ASV )
'Every match I've ever won - A point by point narrative' - Martina Navratilova
'My Favourite Ramblings As Commentator'- Pam Shriver
'Every racket I've smashed - A string by String account' - Goran Ivanisevic
'My Superstitions' - Conchita Martinez
'Ways to wind up the Crowd'- Martina Hingis
----------------
Vamos Arantxa!!

========================================

Randy Hoffman posted at July 20,2001 13:24:
----------------------------------------
"My Documented Recollection Of Match Points Saved In The Past 12 Years" - Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario
"It Kept Going And Going - One Moonball's Journey Through Outer Space And Back" - A detailed and photographed true story by Conchita Martinez
"101 Ways To Blow A Lead" - By Jana Novotna
"Sunglasses, Sunglasses, Sunglasses - A Pictorial Of Each Pair I've Ever Worn" - Natasha Zvereva

========================================

sianQuincy posted at July 20,2001 13:36:
----------------------------------------
Randy, I love Arantxa's match points! LOL!!!! It's so true.
'My favourite Grins' - Greg Rusedski
---------
Vamos Arantxa!!
========================================

rollo posted at July 20,2001 18:37:
----------------------------------------
LOL at the Damir book Iva's #1 fan-I almost hit the floor laughing!
========================================

Wayne 2 posted at July 20,2001 20:08:
----------------------------------------
LOL, rollo & janie! I watched the first set of that Coetzer/Martinez match, and then said "Enough is Enough!!", turned the TV off, bundled my dog into the car and took her to the beach (two towns away), splashed with her in the surf for awhile, dried her off, stopped for ice cream, got lost on the way home, and when I got back, they were STILL playing!!!!
Also, LOL @ your Kournikova book, janie, and your Martinez book, I1F, and the Novotna book, Randy!! I wish I understood the Damir title.... :frown:
"Nervous Tics and Superstitious Rituals", by Monica Seles (circa 1992).
========================================

rollo posted at July 20,2001 20:30:
----------------------------------------
Hey Randy-next time I see Conchi with a lot of energy, I'll remember to call her "energizer Conchita" cute title.
Wayne-last year at the US Open Damir Dokic was ejected after an incident in the cafeteria where he didn't went berserk about the price of fish. At least your dog got something out of the Coetzer-Martinez match!
Brian's Courier book Does that include all the songs Jim wrote for A-Ros as well Brian?
========================================

arn posted at July 21,2001 06:23:
----------------------------------------
"various reason to withdrew right before a tournament" by Venus and Serena
========================================

irma posted at July 21,2001 07:10:
----------------------------------------
why the world doesn`t want me to be a succesfull tennisplayer by J Dokic.
========================================

irma posted at July 21,2001 07:12:
----------------------------------------
How to watch your love playing a tennismatch by S. Graf forword by K Clijsters and L.Hewitt.
[This message has been edited by irma (edited 07-21-2001).]
========================================

Venus_Serena Rules posted at July 21,2001 07:16:
----------------------------------------
"Too tired to win and other lame excuses" by Martina Hingis
========================================

liam posted at July 21,2001 07:31:
----------------------------------------
ode to jen capriati, by chris evert

========================================

Iva's #1 Fan posted at July 21,2001 08:37:
----------------------------------------
Glad u liked it!
LOL! @ the Martinez-Coetzer comments! That match is now part of tennis folklore surely! I remember watching it and one game went for over 20 minutes! Even Mary Carillo was yelling out in the middle of a point "Someone just come to net!" lol!
Randy, I liked your ASV book!
LOL@sianquincy's Rusedski book!
These are hilarious!

========================================

liam posted at July 21,2001 09:05:
----------------------------------------
double faults that i made, by anna k
a point to point recap of the roland garros final 2001, by kim and jen

========================================

griffin posted at July 21,2001 09:20:
----------------------------------------
"Nervous Tics and Superstitious Rituals" should be by Nomar Garciaparra, lol!
"A Few Thoughts" Richard Williams
"More than just Waffles" Kim & Justine
"How to win (sometimes) despite yourself" Amelie
========================================

Brian Stewart posted at July 21,2001 11:00:
----------------------------------------
"A complete list of Madagascan tennis players" by the Madagascan Tennis Federation (each name is a virtual chapter)
"A list of fans who have felt compelled to shout 'Shut the @#%$&% up!' during a tennis telecast"
"A stroke by stroke recount of Vicki Nelson-Dunbar's 1st round win over Jean Hepner at the 1984 Ginny of Richmond"- by Noah Life
(Since the match was over in straight sets, Cliff Drysdale would say Nelson-Dunbar won "easily".)
"Big Points: Stay in the now with the fan's definite guide to tennis announcer clichés"- by Anne E. Fann
========================================

rollo posted at July 21,2001 12:42:
----------------------------------------
like the Richard book Griff
OMG Brian, I forgot about that 1984 match. 6 hours of hell over only 2 sets! What a snoozer!

========================================

lance posted at July 21,2001 12:48:
----------------------------------------
"What Did You Say Your Name Was Again, Honey?": A Complete Listing and Bibliography of Adolescent Males Who Have Asked For Anna Kournikova's Autograph
========================================

liam posted at July 21,2001 16:32:
----------------------------------------
diseases i had, by serena williams
========================================

adnil posted at July 21,2001 16:34:
----------------------------------------
lol@that last one
========================================

Game, Set, and Match posted at July 21,2001 19:53:
----------------------------------------
'How to blow match points' by Jen Cap
'Guide to women ' by Conchita Martinez
'How to not to hit your 2nd serve' by Martina Hingis.
'How to Control Melanie Molitors hair'
========================================

Randy Hoffman posted at July 21,2001 20:48:
----------------------------------------
"Constipation: A Behind The Scenes Look At What Was REALLY Going On During My Wimbledon Bathroom Break" Serena Williams
"My Career - A Recap Of Each Time I've Announced Retirement" Nathalie Tauziat
"That Time Hy-Boulais Wouldn't Take A Hike - Memories Of A 7-6, 6-7, 17-15 Match From Hell" Chanda Rubin
"The Time It Took To Win My Secind Match Of The Year" Sonya Jeyaseelan


========================================

Xan posted at July 21,2001 20:55:
----------------------------------------
"Matches won in under 50 minutes," by Steffi (I've got a taxi waiting) Graf.
"Boring matches I have sat through," by Melanie Molitor.
"My hundred best tie-breaks," by Pete Sampras.
"Losing my serve," by Martina Hingis and Elena Dementieva.
"Frumpy dresses I have owned," by Nathalie Tauziat, Sandrine Testud and Lindsay Davenport.
"1001 missed smashes," by Amelie Mauresmo and Mary Pierce.
"Opponents I've ***ssed off." by Aranxta Sanchez Vicario.

========================================

janie posted at July 21,2001 21:23:
----------------------------------------
Still funny ones coming!! Keep it up!
========================================

Holden posted at July 21,2001 21:33:
----------------------------------------
"The number of winners I have hit" Venus Williams

"How to maintain a #1 ranking without winning a singles grandslam title" Martina Hingis
" A thorough study of Justine Henin's backhand" John Mcenroe


========================================

Xan posted at July 21,2001 21:51:
----------------------------------------
"A thorough study of Alicia Molik's backside," by John McEnroe
[This message has been edited by Xan (edited 07-21-2001).]
========================================

Xan posted at July 21,2001 22:07:
----------------------------------------
"Two hours of moonballs: Opponents I've bored into submission," by Amanda Coetzer and Conchita Martinez.
"The proper timing of shoelace-tieing, racquet-wiping and toilet breaks to best enrage your opponent," by ASV and Rita Grande.
"Breaking the decibel barrier: 1000 best grunts," by Monica Seles, Venus Williams and Elena Bovina.

========================================

f_of_t posted at July 21,2001 22:28:
----------------------------------------
lmao!!! the grunts one was.....WOW

========================================

rhz posted at July 22,2001 02:54:
----------------------------------------
united colors of beads by serena and venus williams
========================================

adnil posted at July 22,2001 06:31:
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that last one is...original
========================================

Xan posted at July 22,2001 09:53:
----------------------------------------
"The bumper book of glares and stares to use on line judges." Lindsay Davenport.
========================================

Brian Stewart posted at July 22,2001 12:57:
----------------------------------------
Hey, Randy, just to show what a sick sense of humor the fates have, guess who Chanda had to face in doubles the very next day?
And Rollo, just imagine if it had gone 3? (The Bataan Death Match.)
I see the creativity keeps rolling in. Keep them coming.
========================================

sk posted at July 22,2001 13:15:
----------------------------------------

My Unfulfilled potential by Mirjana Lucic
Why Daddy Knows Best by Jelena Dokic, with a special foreword by Venus and Serena Williams
========================================

janie posted at July 29,2001 08:29:
----------------------------------------
"All My Coaches", by Mary Pierce
--------------------
GET WELL, CORINA! You are in our hearts every day.
========================================

Xan posted at July 29,2001 09:28:
----------------------------------------
Nice one, Janie!
========================================

janie posted at July 29,2001 12:25:
----------------------------------------
"Tennis Fans Who Have Worn Out Their Mute Button When I Am On the Air"
by Chris Evert
--------------------
GET WELL, CORINA! You are in our hearts every day.
========================================

"..just knowing that as long as i choose life, there is hope."

Je ne suis pas charlie

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post #7 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 02:14 AM
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These are absolutley hilarious!!

azarenka - pavlyuchenkova - li - jankovic
garcia - bencic - paszek - rus - kanepi - kuznetsova - stephens
bouchard - karatantcheva - larcher de brito - voegele - lim - mladenovic

mary pierce - forever #1
vaidisova - kournikova - golovin - henin
the boys - federer - gasquet - del potro - haase - nishikori
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post #8 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 02:21 AM
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some funny stuff here. thanks for posting ys...

"For now, Roddick seems to play with the intelligence of a fence post."
Greg Couch, Chicago Sun Times
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post #9 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 02:31 AM Thread Starter
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Some of that became perhaps obsolete, but we have some new material since then..

"Choosing the right coach for each tournament", by M. Safin
"The matches in which I didn't try my best", by M. Safin, foreword by Y. Kafelnikov
"Long process of becoming a claycourt specialist", by P. Sampras
"How to get ready to team competitions in tennis", by J. Capriati

"..just knowing that as long as i choose life, there is hope."

Je ne suis pas charlie

PLAY TENNIS!
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post #10 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 02:55 AM
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Quote:
"Excuses for losing a match" - Serena Williams
Suddenly THAT'S the shortest book of them all! Who needs excuses when you never lose!

Proud to be an American
Not blind. Not uninformed. We are party to atrocities. But the response of the world after 9/11 is worth noting. Even our most dire enemies offered aid. We should all be so lucky.
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post #11 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 02:56 AM
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"The short process of becoming a claycourt specialist", by S. Williams

Proud to be an American
Not blind. Not uninformed. We are party to atrocities. But the response of the world after 9/11 is worth noting. Even our most dire enemies offered aid. We should all be so lucky.
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post #12 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 03:33 AM
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brings back the memories

all very funny

Good luck in 2016 to my favs

AZARENKA

*Kuznetsova*Sharapova*Kleybanova*Vesnina*Shvedova*Kulichkova*Kasatkina*
Pavlyuchenkova*Makarova*Diatchenko*Pivovarova*Gasparyan*Leykina*Zhuk*Potapova*Pervushina**Govortsova
MINELLA TsurenkoAlize Lim*El Tabakh*Robson*Cirstea
*Juhaszova*Zanevska*Broady*Bouchard*
Cetkovska*Svitolina*
*Bellis*Soylu*Sibille*Uberalova*Eden Silva*
http://www.twitter.com/TheBoiledEgg
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post #13 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 03:41 AM
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"How to curse on court and get away with it" Jcapp
"Like, uumm, whatever you know, like..." and other words from my vocabulary by Jcapp

"For sure...you too can have an awsome one handed backhand" by Juju

Official Gangsta rappa of the Royal Court

Will you be there?
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post #14 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 03:48 AM
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omg, hilarious!

I remember how much fun those were
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post #15 of 59 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2002, 07:55 AM
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My fave of my own for the short ones was :

"Corretja's Guide to Lawn Tennis" which ended up in Wertheim's bag.
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