Time for a USO 2007 LOCKERROOM thread?
There doesn't seem to be a US Open lockerroom thread up yet. So I think 'll start one...
BIG BROTHER IN THE LOCKER ROOM
Several players are in a brightly-lit room with garish furniture and lots of mirrors.
ANNOUNCER: Amelie and Jelena are in the Living Area.
AMELIE: Why are we all living together like this in this ugly house? Where are the old locker rooms?
JELENA: It's the latest idea to boost the TV ratings - US Open Big Brother. But I don't know how I'll manage to fit in this AND play two matches a day.
MARIA K: Two matches a day? You can't do that!
JELENA: Why not? I can't waste my time playing just one tournament a week. I'm also playing an ITF and a Legends Exhibition. I can't understand why I'm not No 1 already. I've got 15,000 ranking points.
MARIA K: But they only count your best 17 tournaments...
JELENA: (screams and clasps head in hands) What!!!!?
ANNOUNCER: Justine is in the Diary Room.
Shot of Justine in front of a huge chair.
JUSTINE: It is I, Big brother. Queen Justine. Ze Number 1.
VOICE OF BIG BROTHER: What is it, Queen Justine?
JUSTINE: I just wonder why I start out as favourite in all these slams, but I only win the French. Why is that?
VOICE OF BIG BROTHER: Maybe its because when they're not in Paris the other players aren't so terrified of getting torn apart by the crowd if they win.
JUSTINE: I never thought of that.
VOICE OF BIG BROTHER: You may stand up and leave now, Justine.
JUSTINE: I AM standing up!
ANNOUNCER: Maria and Nicole are in the bathroom.
Shot of Maria S and Nicole V trying on new outfits.
MARIA: Why are you always copying me?
NICOLE: I do NOT copy you. I have my own unique personality and style! By the way can I borrow your visor, dress and earrrings, they're just like mine?
MARIA: No! Get your own stuff! And why have you got a Night Dress this year? I didn't know they did night matches out on Court 14?
NICOLE: Shaddup! What have you won this year?
MARIA: The US Open Series - and I was injured!
NICOLE: I've been injured too!
MARIA: (Walks out) Aaaaaaggghhh! Will you stop copying me?
ANNOUNCER: Most of the Housemates are in the Kitchen.
MARION B: (Stirs mixing bowl.) What we need now is lots of butter and suet. Then we'll have the perfect dumplings.
ANA I: I shouldn't really eat all that. I worry about putting on weight you know.
MARION: I used to have that problem. But I solved it. Now I don't worry.
AMELIE: (Looks at Ana) But most of yours is muscle. I like that in a woman. I wonder what will be the first Big Brother romance this year?
SVETA: (gives a big wink) Who knows? You may get lucky.
NADIA P: (Is making some tea. She pours water in the pot. Stirs, puts the tea in a cup and drinks it.) Pwoaugghh! (she spits out the tea and hurls the cup across the room, where it smashes.) This tea is awful! I made another mistake! Why can't I get it right? Why can't I do it right after all these years of practice? Why? Why? (She picks up the teapot and starts beating it into a pretzel against the wall.) Somebody go and fire my coach!
VOICE OF BIG BROTHER: This is Big Brother. No violence is permitted in the Big Brother house.
SERENA: Hey. This is Big Sister. There's going to be plenty more violence if somebody doesn't get some hamburgers in here double quick. (picks up bag of flour and some dried beans.) What is this stuff? It's mouse food. I can't cook this.
MARION: You can't cook?
MARIA: I can't boil an egg. When you get to be a Grand Slam winner, you always have someone to cook for you.
ELENA D: Oh dear. Then I'd better go and find Mama's recipe book.