I apologize if there's already been one posted (I figured if there was one, it would be on the front page and I didn't see one
), but we really do need one, so I thought I'd go ahead and start things off. Looking forward to others' (who are much better at this than myself) replies!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Maria Sharapova enters the lockerroom after practice.
Hello? Anyone? Helloo? Where's my personal assistant, manager, publicist, ballgirl, hair stylist, make-up artist, nail artist, and masseuse?
(footsteps are heard; Maria turns her head to look)
What the hell are you
Not pretending to be Russian, that I can assure you.
You already withdrew, you dwarf, and I got the number one seed. So seriously, what are you doing here?
(frowns and drops head) I ... I am zee... ZEE BALLGIRL! OKAY! ARE YOU HAPPY YOU TWAT? (wimpers)
I decided to take ziss time to better prepare for zuh French Open.
Maria smirks, and flips her hair.
Fetch me a water, would you... ballgirl?
(mumbles) Sure, want me to wipe your ass while I'm at it?
What? Wipe ass? I will do it! I will do it! (smiles)
Where did you come from? This is the woman's lockerroom. The men's is down the...
: I wuz going to be watching you undress from zee showers, actually. (smiles)
I.. uh.. (lound sounds of thunder interrupt through the lockerroom)
[all] "What's that?!"
(Serena Williams enters the lockerroom)
Oh! Serena! Hey! How are you? (giggles)
Fat. (all laugh)
Shove it, dyke. (waks emotionlessly toward the practice court)
Just what she should be doing.
(Serena turns around, facing Justine.
I'm sorry, who are you? Oh, just a ballgirl. Shut the fuck up, before I slap a hand
(holds hand up) across your face. (smiles sarcastically, then leaves.)
(Jelena Jankovic enters.)
What was that thunder noise? It scared me. (smiles)
What the hell is she eating these days?
Small children, smuthered in cooking oil, topped with marshmallows.
Oh. (raises eyebrow as she sees Serena is still standing at the lockerroom exit, fuming as she overhears the conversation, somewhat hidden so that others cannot see her. Jelena smirks).
So, what do you think of Serena, Justine? And be honest. (smirks)
Well I think she is very kompetteetive
, but, fat.
What about you, Maria?
What do I care? It's not like I'll have to play her. She won't last that long.
And you, Justine?
Justine, looking terrified:
Does she... uhm... does she, how you say, um, does she really eat small children? (gulps)
Serena enters the lockerroom, pissed.
Yea, small children. I eat them. (glares at Maria, who looks away nervously). Dwarves, on the other hand, Justine, I capture and give to Anastasia Myskina. (puts hands on hips)
(TO BE CONTINUED)