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post #1 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 03:28 AM Thread Starter
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Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Martina Hingis, Skips down the stairs to the locker room..."Hi, girls, I made it,Ah! Madrid da city of romance, da City of the Bull, da City of ze Matador
Kuzy, You sure can sling the "bull" Marti!
Nadia, Speaking of Matadors Martina, we're going to make you our door mats!
Hingis, I don't care, I have dated so many exciting Spanish guys: Alfonzo, Sergio, Carlos, Juan, Edwardo....
Elena D. "Oh! Stop it Martina, Vera won't let me date any of those lovely Spanish boys
Maria, Speaking of Bull, your boyfriend looks like one
Hingis- "Oh, Maria you are just a long drink of aqua (another language I speak) Sergio and I said nice tings to each udder...you know not the de romance of man yet, you tink you are the best "Diva" around but you are but a child!
Maria - Shut the fuck up Marti, I'm hot, I'm sizzling, I'm steaming right now
Mauresmo - "Hey, Maria wanna take a shower avec moi?"
Justine- "Let's talk tennis here, nevermind de "bull"!
Hingis - "Oh by da way Juju, Pierre Yves and I shopped all afternoon, I picked out a spanish lace negligee and PY got some spanish fly...Opps! I mean de pants with a fly that is Spanish, Marti made a funny
Kim - "Keep up with the bullshit Martina, I can't wait to clobber you one more time!
Hingis -"I don't care, you'll be leaving soon you one slam wonder wid your lowly (nobody ever hearded of him) basketball player!
Nadia - "At least he has a face that won't haunt a house!
Hingis-"Its not the man in my life its the "life" in my men!
Maria- "Yuck, get me my cape I'm going Halloween trick or treating!
Kim- "How much are you going to charge for a trick Maria?"
HIngis- You'd hardly be a "treat" either Maria, no experience"!

They all gang up on Martina and gag her with her lace negligee..."Slut" that'll fix you!
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post #2 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 03:43 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

very creative, lol

"It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on."
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post #3 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 03:47 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

nice one..

MARTINA HINGIS
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post #4 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 04:44 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

*opening screen of a walkway in a park... leaves are falling a voice begins to narrate*
"I tell a story.
A true story.
A story of love, of hate.
Of chaos, of order.
Of glory, of shame.
Of victory, of defeat.
The great upheaval in which the earth will never witness again.
This is my story.
It all began late October 2006,
Maria Sharapova's straight set victory over Patty Scnyder had finally determined the elite 8 players for that year's WTAtour championships... which are..."
Amelie Mauresmo:
*screen pans to Amelie, who is packing her suitcase... a big, black mannish one... filled with stylish clothes and wine bottles... beside her sits a very attractive girl who is looking at her with adoring eyes and constantly sighing*
Maria Sharapova:
*screen shows a GIGANTIC bedroom with velvet curtains and a huge satin-covered bed. Masha is sitting on top of the bed, pointing her finger left and right, Makiri is sitting beside her, furiously jotting down stuff on a piece of paper which overflowed from her lap down onto the floor, where we see five huge suitcases and Sesil is scrambling all over left and right, filling them with stuff from A to Z (I will later give an episode on the story behind this)*
Justine Henin-Hardenne:
*screen now shows Justine, who is packing into a small brown plain suitcase... packing beside her on the bed is her beloved hubby, whose is sporting an extremely flamboyant leopard-spotted suitcase with frills and a pink name tag. Every now and then when Justine wasn't looking, he'd reach inside her bag, take out her lingerie and slip it into his own. After a while Justine was wondering why her bag isn't filled yet*
Svetlana Kuznetsova:
*Screen shows the sweaty and muscular Svetlana packing with one hand while lifting a HUGE dumbell with the other. She doesn't fold her clothes, but throws them straight into her suitcase... which is apparently overflowing. She doesn't seem to care. Then suddenly, with her usual hearty grunt, she drops the dumbell, flexes her muscles and slams the suitcase shut. Then she keeps it from bursting with a HUGE metal chain and lock. A second later she discovers she forgot to put her dumbell into her suitcase, and with her bare hands tore the chain apart (she forgot there was a thing called a "key")*
Nadia Petrova:
*Nadia is packing in the kitchen. Every now and then she would turn around and check on the salmon, then open the oven door to check on the chicken. On the kitchen walls are pictures of herself with each of Maria, Nicky and Anna C standing and holding their winner trophies ... with mustaches and horns drawn on*
Kim Clijsters:
*Picture shows Kim with magazines of wedding dresses, hot honeymoon spots, wedding cakes... etc. She is playing tongue tennis with Bryan on the bed, while nearby a suitcase lies open and empty. Lying on the floor, having been tossed carelessly is a plane ticket which reads:
Ms. Kim Clijsters xxxxx airlines date 10-xx-06 departure time 17.30 hrs... camera zooms back up and we see a pikachu-shaped alarm clock by the bed... the short arm on 5, the long arm on 3...*
Elena Dementieva:
*Screen reveals Lena wearing pig tails cuddling a teddy bear in her arms. She is bouncing excitedly on the bed with her dog. On the floor Vera Dementieva is rapidly muttering to herself, folding and packing her daughter's clothes into a pink barbie design bag. We take a look inside and we see a baby blanket, bunny pajamas and a volume of "Bedtime Stories"*
And Martina Hingis:
*screen pans to Martina's bedroom, where a bag lies stuffed filled with an assortment of sex toys... she is lying on Radek's chest, top half naked... Radek is snoring horribly... then suddenly the closet door slowly opens and a naked guy comes slipping out. Then another one comes out from under the bed. Then suddenly like mushrooms 5 more came springing out of all the hiding places you can imagine. They quickly left the room*

Narrator: And so it came to pass, that the paths of these eight crossed in the land of the bullfighter, at the heart of Madrid. The earth itself trembled as Creation witnessed the chaos of this clash...


(end of prologue... I will continue it if I have time... hope it wasn't too bad)
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post #5 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 04:52 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by morningglory View Post
*opening screen of a walkway in a park... leaves are falling a voice begins to narrate*
"I tell a story.
A true story.
A story of love, of hate.
Of chaos, of order.
Of glory, of shame.
Of victory, of defeat.
The great upheaval in which the earth will never witness again.
This is my story.
It all began late October 2006,
Maria Sharapova's straight set victory over Patty Scnyder had finally determined the elite 8 players for that year's WTAtour championships... which are..."
Amelie Mauresmo:
*screen pans to Amelie, who is packing her suitcase... a big, black mannish one... filled with stylish clothes and wine bottles... beside her sits a very attractive girl who is looking at her with adoring eyes and constantly sighing*
Maria Sharapova:
*screen shows a GIGANTIC bedroom with velvet curtains and a huge satin-covered bed. Masha is sitting on top of the bed, pointing her finger left and right, Makiri is sitting beside her, furiously jotting down stuff on a piece of paper which overflowed from her lap down onto the floor, where we see five huge suitcases and Sesil is scrambling all over left and right, filling them with stuff from A to Z (I will later give an episode on the story behind this)*
Justine Henin-Hardenne:
*screen now shows Justine, who is packing into a small brown plain suitcase... packing beside her on the bed is her beloved hubby, whose is sporting an extremely flamboyant leopard-spotted suitcase with frills and a pink name tag. Every now and then when Justine wasn't looking, he'd reach inside her bag, take out her lingerie and slip it into his own. After a while Justine was wondering why her bag isn't filled yet*
Svetlana Kuznetsova:
*Screen shows the sweaty and muscular Svetlana packing with one hand while lifting a HUGE dumbell with the other. She doesn't fold her clothes, but throws them straight into her suitcase... which is apparently overflowing. She doesn't seem to care. Then suddenly, with her usual hearty grunt, she drops the dumbell, flexes her muscles and slams the suitcase shut. Then she keeps it from bursting with a HUGE metal chain and lock. A second later she discovers she forgot to put her dumbell into her suitcase, and with her bare hands tore the chain apart (she forgot there was a thing called a "key")*
Nadia Petrova:
*Nadia is packing in the kitchen. Every now and then she would turn around and check on the salmon, then open the oven door to check on the chicken. On the kitchen walls are pictures of herself with each of Maria, Nicky and Anna C standing and holding their winner trophies ... with mustaches and horns drawn on*
Kim Clijsters:
*Picture shows Kim with magazines of wedding dresses, hot honeymoon spots, wedding cakes... etc. She is playing tongue tennis with Bryan on the bed, while nearby a suitcase lies open and empty. Lying on the floor, having been tossed carelessly is a plane ticket which reads:
Ms. Kim Clijsters xxxxx airlines date 10-xx-06 departure time 17.30 hrs... camera zooms back up and we see a pikachu-shaped alarm clock by the bed... the short arm on 5, the long arm on 3...*
Elena Dementieva:
*Screen reveals Lena wearing pig tails cuddling a teddy bear in her arms. She is bouncing excitedly on the bed with her dog. On the floor Vera Dementieva is rapidly muttering to herself, folding and packing her daughter's clothes into a pink barbie design bag. We take a look inside and we see a baby blanket, bunny pajamas and a volume of "Bedtime Stories"*
And Martina Hingis:
*screen pans to Martina's bedroom, where a bag lies stuffed filled with an assortment of sex toys... she is lying on Radek's chest, top half naked... Radek is snoring horribly... then suddenly the closet door slowly opens and a naked guy comes slipping out. Then another one comes out from under the bed. Then suddenly like mushrooms 5 more came springing out of all the hiding places you can imagine. They quickly left the room*

Narrator: And so it came to pass, that the paths of these eight crossed in the land of the bullfighter, at the heart of Madrid. The earth itself trembled as Creation witnessed the chaos of this clash...


(end of prologue... I will continue it if I have time... hope it wasn't too bad)


Loved it!
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post #6 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 04:53 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Hilarious

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post #7 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 05:03 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

*Maria skips into the locker room
Elena: I feel pretty, oh so pretty
Nadia: I feel pretty and wittty and--
Maria: Shut up!
Elena: Sorry Anna--I mean Maria.
*Justine enters and ignores everyone.
Kim: Hi, Justine! You played such a good match today! I don't think I'll ever beat you again!
Justine: Let's 'ope so.
Maria: One for four, one for four! Looking forward to another final?
Amelie: Do you think you can stomach it?
Kim: Be quiet guys, stop being so mean, I think Justine's the greatest player of our generation and everyone else is just jealous. Justine, we'll be friends for life, won't we?
Justine: Kim, if you 'aven't noticed, we aren't black sisters and we only 'ave one middle name!
*Martina enters
Martina: Hi guys! How are you?
Kim: Hi Martina! So nice to have you back! How do you like your chances here?
Martina: Well, there's no Leeendsay, no Venus and Serena so I have to admit I kind of like my chances!
Amelie: Not as long as you get served off the court by Madame Mal Ventre.
Maria: Amelie, you're just jealous because you're not a great #1 and you're going to lose that ranking at the end of the week!
Amelie: I will not! *SNIFF*
Elena: Martina, you're just a flash in the pan. I'm the only one here who's actually played this event every year this decade.
Nadia: Yeah, at the rate you're going you might even win another match by the time the next decade is here.
Martina: Don't cry, it's so nice to have you here. If I didn't see how your joke of a serve made two slam finals I probably wouldn't have come back.
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post #8 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 05:19 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

As she sat in the locker room, she fought to maintain her icy demeanor. She hated these other girls, and she refused to show them even a glimmer of weakness. From day one, Daddy had taught her that the other girls were scum. She was taller, prettier, fairer and richer, and -- boy -- did she ever know it! Daddy always reminded her that she was the only one in Madrid who spoke perfect English ... so why did she feel so insecure today? Where were these feelings of inadequacy coming from? Why was she doubting herself?

She was better than these people. She looked around the locker room, sneering at the two manly lesbians, the flat-chested frigid midget, and the two dull Russians. Off in the corner, the injury-prone, uber-friendly hobbit was chatting with the has-been teen prodigy. For a brief moment, she wondered if her hateful thoughts was really her own, or if Daddy had turned her into a heartless robot.

The introspection lasted but a moment as suddenly the foul stench of one of Sveta's queefs permeated the air. She wrinkled her nose in disgusted, then opened her bag to remove a bottle of her perfume. “I am the best,” she thought to herself as she sprayed her perfume. “These girls could only dream of having their own perfume brand.” But somehow, deep down, she knew no amount of shrieking would ever silence the whispering voice of shame inside: you celebrated your seventh birthday three times.
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post #9 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 05:46 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

^^^ LMFAO!

Mean (poor Sveta), but hilarious!

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post #10 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 06:02 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveFifteen View Post
As she sat in the locker room, she fought to maintain her icy demeanor. She hated these other girls, and she refused to show them even a glimmer of weakness. From day one, Daddy had taught her that the other girls were scum. She was taller, prettier, fairer and richer, and -- boy -- did she ever know it! Daddy always reminded her that she was the only one in Madrid who spoke perfect English ... so why did she feel so insecure today? Where were these feelings of inadequacy coming from? Why was she doubting herself?

She was better than these people. She looked around the locker room, sneering at the two manly lesbians, the flat-chested frigid midget, and the two dull Russians. Off in the corner, the injury-prone, uber-friendly hobbit was chatting with the has-been teen prodigy. For a brief moment, she wondered if her hateful thoughts was really her own, or if Daddy had turned her into a heartless robot.

The introspection lasted but a moment as suddenly the foul stench of one of Sveta's queefs permeated the air. She wrinkled her nose in disgusted, then opened her bag to remove a bottle of her perfume. “I am the best,” she thought to herself as she sprayed her perfume. “These girls could only dream of having their own perfume brand.” But somehow, deep down, she knew no amount of shrieking would ever silence the whispering voice of shame inside: you celebrated your seventh birthday three times.

This is awesome
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post #11 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 06:22 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveFifteen View Post
As she sat in the locker room, she fought to maintain her icy demeanor. She hated these other girls, and she refused to show them even a glimmer of weakness. From day one, Daddy had taught her that the other girls were scum. She was taller, prettier, fairer and richer, and -- boy -- did she ever know it! Daddy always reminded her that she was the only one in Madrid who spoke perfect English ... so why did she feel so insecure today? Where were these feelings of inadequacy coming from? Why was she doubting herself?

She was better than these people. She looked around the locker room, sneering at the two manly lesbians, the flat-chested frigid midget, and the two dull Russians. Off in the corner, the injury-prone, uber-friendly hobbit was chatting with the has-been teen prodigy. For a brief moment, she wondered if her hateful thoughts was really her own, or if Daddy had turned her into a heartless robot.

The introspection lasted but a moment as suddenly the foul stench of one of Sveta's queefs permeated the air. She wrinkled her nose in disgusted, then opened her bag to remove a bottle of her perfume. “I am the best,” she thought to herself as she sprayed her perfume. “These girls could only dream of having their own perfume brand.” But somehow, deep down, she knew no amount of shrieking would ever silence the whispering voice of shame inside: you celebrated your seventh birthday three times.

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post #12 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 06:39 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

0-15
You should become a professional writer... that was so novel-like it sucked me in...!!!
I humbly bow to your skills!
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post #13 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 07:27 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by barmaid View Post
Martina Hingis, Skips down the stairs to the locker room..."Hi, girls, I made it,Ah! Madrid da city of romance, da City of the Bull, da City of ze Matador
Kuzy, You sure can sling the "bull" Marti!
Nadia, Speaking of Matadors Martina, we're going to make you our door mats!
Hingis, I don't care, I have dated so many exciting Spanish guys: Alfonzo, Sergio, Carlos, Juan, Edwardo....
Elena D. "Oh! Stop it Martina, Vera won't let me date any of those lovely Spanish boys
Maria, Speaking of Bull, your boyfriend looks like one
Hingis- "Oh, Maria you are just a long drink of aqua (another language I speak) Sergio and I said nice tings to each udder...you know not the de romance of man yet, you tink you are the best "Diva" around but you are but a child!
Maria - Shut the fuck up Marti, I'm hot, I'm sizzling, I'm steaming right now
Mauresmo - "Hey, Maria wanna take a shower avec moi?"
Justine- "Let's talk tennis here, nevermind de "bull"!
Hingis - "Oh by da way Juju, Pierre Yves and I shopped all afternoon, I picked out a spanish lace negligee and PY got some spanish fly...Opps! I mean de pants with a fly that is Spanish, Marti made a funny
Kim - "Keep up with the bullshit Martina, I can't wait to clobber you one more time!
Hingis -"I don't care, you'll be leaving soon you one slam wonder wid your lowly (nobody ever hearded of him) basketball player!
Nadia - "At least he has a face that won't haunt a house!
Hingis-"Its not the man in my life its the "life" in my men!
Maria- "Yuck, get me my cape I'm going Halloween trick or treating!
Kim- "How much are you going to charge for a trick Maria?"
HIngis- You'd hardly be a "treat" either Maria, no experience"!

They all gang up on Martina and gag her with her lace negligee..."Slut" that'll fix you!
good one
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post #14 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 07:28 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

this is so mean, but hillarious funny at the same time.
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post #15 of 140 (permalink) Old Oct 31st, 2006, 09:58 AM
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Re: Locker room confrontation Madrid!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveFifteen View Post
As she sat in the locker room, she fought to maintain her icy demeanor. She hated these other girls, and she refused to show them even a glimmer of weakness. From day one, Daddy had taught her that the other girls were scum. She was taller, prettier, fairer and richer, and -- boy -- did she ever know it! Daddy always reminded her that she was the only one in Madrid who spoke perfect English ... so why did she feel so insecure today? Where were these feelings of inadequacy coming from? Why was she doubting herself?

She was better than these people. She looked around the locker room, sneering at the two manly lesbians, the flat-chested frigid midget, and the two dull Russians. Off in the corner, the injury-prone, uber-friendly hobbit was chatting with the has-been teen prodigy. For a brief moment, she wondered if her hateful thoughts was really her own, or if Daddy had turned her into a heartless robot.

The introspection lasted but a moment as suddenly the foul stench of one of Sveta's queefs permeated the air. She wrinkled her nose in disgusted, then opened her bag to remove a bottle of her perfume. “I am the best,” she thought to herself as she sprayed her perfume. “These girls could only dream of having their own perfume brand.” But somehow, deep down, she knew no amount of shrieking would ever silence the whispering voice of shame inside: you celebrated your seventh birthday three times.
Good one

Good Luck

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