Comic Sketches -
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Oct 25th, 2006, 12:31 PM Thread Starter
country flag s_j
Senior Member
s_j's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,868
Comic Sketches

As few of you may know I wrote quite a few sketches on the BBC Message Board revolving quite a few of the WTA (and ATP) players. I came across some this morning and thought it might be fun to post them and see what you think. I've only found 5 and there are many more but it may take a while to discover them as I wrote them quite a while ago. Anyway, here they are.

A little soap opera I began but never finished - Tennis Trials and Tribulations Episode 1-4 (in order – they include players and certain posters of the BBC Message Board):





and one of the sketches I found:

WELCOME TO WTA MASTERMIND! 4 girls are contestants with other well-known players making up the audience.


John Humphrys: Hello and welcome to a special edition of Mastermind - the WTA special. First we have veteran WTA player from USA - Venus Williams.

Venus: Veteran?! OH JEHOVAH! HMPH!

John: Next in line we have, from Belgium, Justine Henin-Hardenne.

Justine: Ho ho. For sure.

John: Thirdly, we have Svetlana Kuznetsova of Russia.

Svetlana: Vank you.

John: And last, but by no means least, Maria Sharapova. you’re beautiful, Maria.

Maria: Well...*high pitched hmmmmm*...who doesn't? *giggles*

John: Let's get down to the show. Venus...please step up to the chair. Ready, Venus? Let's go. What type of witness comes to your door to preach about God?

Venus: Jehovah!

John: Correct. What is the opposite of a boyfriend?

Venus: Girlfriend.

John: Correct. Complete the movie title. **** Where's My Car?

Venus: Dude!

John: Correct. What does Venus Williams love?

Venus: I love Dubai Duty Free.

John: Well done, Venus. Those are your questions. You score 20 points!

Serena: *shouts from audience* You go girl!

John: Next, let's have Justine.

Justine: Allo. Letz begin with zis zupid progggrammez. For sure.

John: What sounds does Santa make?

Justine: Ho ho. That's hard. I think it is-

John: You were correct. Name me a deodorant spray.

Justine: For sure. I believe it is-

John: Correct. What does someone say when they burn themselves on a quartet of beaches.

Justine: Ho ho - for sure...

John: Brilliant. What's the longest English word?

Justine: I know zis one! I am fluent in Eeengleesh afta ooll. Anzidizezzztablishhhmontarianizzzzm.

John: Well done. You score 20 point also.

Justine: Yezz! I knowz zat I am ze bezzt!

John: Svetlana, please come up to the chair. Your questions start now. Name me the biggest selling Oasis hit.

Svetlana: Vondervall.

John: Correct. Name me a children's novel.

Svetlana: Villy Vonka and ve Chocolate Vactory.

John: I'll accept. Name me a fizzy drink.

Svetlana: COKE! No- DIET COKE! NO! SPRITE!!! NO!!! VANTA!!!!!!

John: I'll accept. Who is the only woman to have won the US Open and to be knocked out in the 1st round the following year?

Svetlana: HAHA! Vat a vally!

John: I'm afraid it was you.

Svetlana: OH! Vollocks.

John: You score 15 points. So I'm afraid you're disqualified...also in the 1st round.

Svetlana: WAHHHH!

John: But for that superb Vera Zvonareva impression we'll give you an extra 5 points!!!

Vera: *from audience* WAHHH!

John: Finally, let's have Maria Sharapova. Your questions begin now. If you add the words 'hair' and 'dryer' together - what do you get?

Patty: *from audience* I KNOW!!!

Maria: Errr...Barbie?

John: Incorrect. Before 2006, Amelie Mauresmo was the only #1 player to have no 'what' to her name?

Maria: Girls?

Amelie: *from audience* Salut! I've had plenty of them thank you very much!

John: Incorrect. What are credit cards made from?

Maria: Fantastic… plastic…

John: Correct. What are combs for?

Maria: You can brush my hair...

Patty: *from audience* I wish I could.

Maria: And dress me anywhere...

Amelie: *from audience* I wish I could.

John: Your answer was correct. What nationality are you?

Maria: Russian.

Anastasia/Elena: *from audience* NO SHE'S NOT!

John: Correct. Those are you questions. You score 15 points! Which makes Maria our winner!

Audience: *gasp*

Venus: Jehovah, girlfriend!

Svetlana: Vow. Va Va Voom!

Justine: HO! For sure!

Kim: *from audience* How did Maria win? She scored the fewest points!

Lindsay: *from audience* Yeah! It's unfair!

John: It is because I am not who I seem...*He pulls off face mask* It is I, YURI SHARAPOV!

Audience: GRRRR!

Yuri: And with my help, Maria will create Sharapova World Domination!

Amelie: *from audience* Sounds good, non?

Girls: EWWWW!

Kim: But how can she rule the world if she can't even beat us at tennis?!


Maria: Shut up! I'm only 19! And besides - I'm really super duperly talented...

Elena: In what? Being a pain in the ass?

ALG/Tatiana: She can also be a pain in the ankle.

Maria: A HA! This is how I will rule the world... Give me a mic..."I'm a Barbie Girl... plastic... fantastic..."


Yuri: That's my girl. Mwah ha ha!

“I’m not the next anyone. I’m the first Maria Sharapova...”
Australian Open Champion 2008 - French Open Champion 2012 & 2014
Wimbledon Champion 2004 - US Open Champion 2006
YEC Champion 2004 - London 2012 Olympics Silver Medalist
s_j is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Oct 25th, 2006, 02:49 PM
Senior Member
ioni's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,854
Re: Comic Sketches

ioni is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Oct 25th, 2006, 03:16 PM
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Islington
Posts: 812
Re: Comic Sketches

that is a right touch
barryproudfoot is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome