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post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 23rd, 2006, 08:22 PM Thread Starter
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Wimby Confrontation

Am I just early? Did somebody else start one I missed? Well, here's my initial effort. I'm so depressed about the US soccer team it may not be very funny. But it was theraputic.

KUZZY IS SITTING ON A BENCH, RUBBING HER NECK. ENTER MYSKINA.

KUZZY:
“Hi.”

NASTY:
“Hi. Congrats on your French Open final. Of course, only ONE of us could be the first Russian to win a title there, and the first grand slam ever, and . . .

KUZZY:
“Whatever. Listen, no disrespect, but I still don’t know how you beat me last match. I just felt so tired and listless during the whole match. . ."

NASTY:
“What a mystery. No idea what could have caused that. Hey, are there any donuts?”

ENTER MOMMY VERA AND SESIL.

MOMMY VERA:
“If you are good girl and eat your brussel sprouts, someday you will win on grass. Unlike certain other blonde.”

SESIL:
“Yes, Mommy Vera.”

ENTER LENA D. AND ORACENE. LENA D. CARRIES ALL OF ORACENE’S LUGGAGE AND A MAN DRESSED IN AN ANGOLAN SOCCER KIT.

NASTY (TO KUZZY)

"You want to tell her or shall I?"

KUZZY:
"Be my guest."

NASTY: "Lena, for the last time, your doubles partner is Flavia, not Flavio. "

LENA D. RELEASES FLAVIO AND TURNS TO ORACENE.

LENA D:
“Oh, Mommy Oracene, I’m so excited to be here! (see “Last Flight from Paris” for why Lena is no convinced Oracene is her mother).

MOMMY VERA:
"I can’t believe you let useless girl follow you around. You should get rid of her."

ORACENE:
"Maybe I can afford to be nice, since TWO of my GIRLS have won Grand Slams."

LENA D:
Soon it will be three!

ORACENE:
Of course it will, baby. But here’s what I like. Baby, how you feel?

MOMMY VERA:


LENA D:
"Why Mommy Oracene, you know I am healthy as horse!"

ENTER HINGIS:

"With a face to match!"

ORACENE:

"Now, what’s in those bags?"

LENA D:
"Nice designer things I like to buy for my real mommy!"

ORACENE:
"You design ‘em yourself?"

LENA D:
"Oh, Mommy Oracene! Again with the funny joking! You know I am tennis player, not clothes designer. "

ORACENE:
"Really, Vera, I don’t see the downside. She's a sweet girl. So damn naive I have to laugh, but sweet."

MOMMY VERA:
Has she started bugging you about where baby’s come from?”

THEY ARE INTERRUPTED AS THE MASHA’S ENTER.

QUEEN MASHA:
We are here to reclaim our crown. You may applaud us.

MK APPLAUDS WILDLY; THE OTHERS ARE SILENT.

SUDDENLY, LANDON DONOVAN AND DEMARCUS BEASLEY ENTER.

HINGIS:
Hey, you can’t come in here! You’re men!

DONOVAN (TO BEASLEY)
Guess she didn’t see any of those games in Germany!

BEASLEY:
Hey, it okay. We’re here for the doubles competition.

MASHA K:
But you are football players!

BEASLEY (TO DONOVAN)
Guess she didn’t see any of those games in Germany either!

(TO BE CONTINUED, I’M AFRAID)

Max
Pass the duct tape and super glue. Lena's done broke my heart one last time.
Onward my LOB! Lena (ret.) Vika Vee TOB Caro Alexa Sabs Wicky Lesia Vania BMS Ekat Andi H. Jo-La Lena V KP2 Lil Bit Kiki Mini Mak Baby Veronika
V Squad, The LOB Elite: Vika, Venus and the Mad Viking of Norrland
Jo-La Duchess of Norrland and Bastad
Elena Viatcheslavovna Dementieva--Eternal Goddess of the Divine Bangs
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post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 23rd, 2006, 08:30 PM
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funny
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post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 23rd, 2006, 09:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miffedmax
SUDDENLY, LANDON DONOVAN AND DEMARCUS BEASLEY ENTER.

HINGIS:
Hey, you can’t come in here! You’re men!

DONOVAN (TO BEASLEY)
Guess she didn’t see any of those games in Germany!

BEASLEY:
Hey, it okay. We’re here for the doubles competition.

MASHA K:
But you are football players!

BEASLEY (TO DONOVAN)
Guess she didn’t see any of those games in Germany either!

(TO BE CONTINUED, I’M AFRAID)


Max, you're even funnier when you're mad.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." -- Proverbs 18:22

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard." -- Herb Brooks

"A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life." -- Muhammad Ali
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post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miffedmax
QUEEN MASHA:
We are here to reclaim our crown. You may applaud us.
I love it
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post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 03:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miffedmax

LENA D:
"Oh, Mommy Oracene! Again with the funny joking! You know I am tennis player, not clothes designer. "

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post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 07:29 PM
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post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 08:01 PM
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Whee!
Can't wait for more!

0084...Eternal Follower of the Golden Girl
Official Wannabe World Dictator of the Maria Mafia


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post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 08:11 PM
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(Amelie and Sveta in a store)

Amelie:boy do i have cramps

Sveta:well,lets go see what they got

Amelie:these ones look really good,hey is that mommy Vera?

Sveta:sure looks like her
(enter mommy vera)

Mommy Vera:well hello there girls,what are you up to?

sveta and Amelieoh nothin much just lookin around,you?

Mommy Vera:well,i'm looking for one of those pregnancy tests,but i can't find them anywhere,my new daughter has been acting up lately

Amelieh!!they are in the aisle over to your right

Sveta:and how would you know that Amelie??

Amelie:you see Sveta.....I

Sveta:you BITCH,it's over

Amelie:honey,please!!!!

mommy Vera:well uh bye girls off to get some ster....i mean that preganacy test

END
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post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 08:12 PM
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it's not that good but best i could do
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post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 09:00 PM
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Vera Z: (Enters locker room) I can't play Kim in the first round!
JHH: It'zee okay. You can use moi tactiz and pretend to cry before she serves. You know for sure that will work.
Vera Z: But.. but... that is cheating!
JHH: You better zee listen to my command or elze you will not succeed like moi.
Vera Z:

Enter Kim Clijsters
Kim: Hi Justine! (Looks aside) Vera! What happened to you? Are you okay? Umm, umm, do you need some hot tea? I bought some Russian tea last night and you know, it tasted, like, you know very nice and sweet. Please don't cry Vera. Here, let me give you a towel.
Vera Z: Nyet! You have ruined my chances of winning another title.
Kim: Oh... Oh? Is that so? Ummm, you know, I guess I am sorry. I can make it up to you, you know...

Amelie (peers from the corner, unnoticed): Oui!!! I can definitely be of some help Kim.
Kim: Oh, it's okay. You know, it's my fault and I have to fix her problem. I guess you can help JHH.
Amelie: Sacre Bleu! Non non non! Justine is married to Pierre-Yves who was spotted wearing a hideous blouse on the final of RG. Very fazionable.
JHH: As you know that we have zee power and increasing intensity within ourselves. Everything must be intense. That is how I was taught to grow up. I think Pierre is adopting my intense attitude which is very good for sure. Intense fashion is definitely interesting, we don't know when the fashion is going to fade so we have to be intense.

Kim (comforts Vera Z): Awww Vera, it's okay. It's not like I'm going to you know, give you bagels or breadsticks. I mean, if you'd like some now, you can. I will go run to Krispy Kremes and I buy, you know, as many as you want. But please, stop crying, you know. It makes me sad too. (Kim starts to cry)

Enter Svetlana Kuznetsova

Sveta: (Lets out a loud grunt, winks at Amelie) You know I had very good chances at the French against Justine, but after Vaidisova ate me out (as a promise if she lost to me) I could not run at all. I keep hittting errors forehand here, there. I was just not running, not going for my shots. That is not the way I play you know.
JHH: Allez, but for sure you cannot make excuses. You should have retired just like zee match I played against Amelie. No mas.
Sveta: You know, I tried that against Francesca and she acted like she had conquered the world. I can only imagine you will act worse after your retirement of the match against Amelie.

Amelie: Oui oui! (Amelie grins at Sveta)
Sveta: Okay, I am going to shower now. I feel so hot you know.
Amelie: Allez! Me too I have been in the corner all day and I need to take a quick shower too.

Sveta enters the shower while Amelie runs towards her

Suddenly Maria Sharapova enters

Maria: Come on! Vamos! (fist pumps) Guess what, girls? I just practiced with my hitting partner and everytime he committed an error, it made me so terribly happy. I think you know my chances at Wimbledon are great.
JHH: But I thought you were zee injured one?
Maria: Well, that was a conspiracy theory set up against everyone - yes everyone. That is the only way I can show the world my expectations far exceed others. After all, I am only NINETEEN!!!

Kim: Aww, but I am still very young and I have, you know, accomplished and won more titles than you. I mean, you can't blame everything towards injuries, you know. Every girl in the tour has to deal with it, like Vera Z, you know, she has a mental injury now.
Maria: Alas, that is the only way I can get more sponsorship and money. I cannot drop below 20 million dollars of endorsements each year or else they are going to think I am a no-brainer.

JHH: Allez! allez! For sure, you are just a poser. I have beaten you the last three times we played. Allez!
Maria: Everyone has, you know, their good days and their bad days. Unfortunately, Justine, that day was not mine.

Alexander Stevenson jumps out of a locker

Alex: Obviously that's because you didn't won. By the way, I won more matches than you have at Wimbledon since I started from qualifying becoming the first ever female player to achieve that feat to the semis. Stop making excuses like that day isn't your day. You act like you have conquered the world when your practice partner has made an error! You know, I am going to (Alex smacks Maria's pussy while grunting).... Okay so is today your day?????? Tell me! Tell me! Go away! Boo! shooo!

Maria runs and reports to Motorola of the incident

JHH: Alex, excuze me, but you cannot be here. You have lost to zee qualifier.
Alex: Oh shut up bitch, don't try pulling off more excuses.
JHH: (rolls her eyes) and says, "No mas!" Zee heartless bitch has now gone. She will never win another match against me, I promise for sure.

Kim: But Justine, that is very evil, you know. Poor Maria. Alex why did you like smack her pussy? I mean, you could have you know, smacked her boobs - Not that she has any anyway (Kim realizes she is not being nice) Oh my god?! What have I said.... ohh noo... (Kim starts crying together with Vera Z, only harder than her this time)
JHH: I cannot take this anymore. I need to go to zee practice courts. This has been zee most distressing moment of Wimbledon so far. I have had lots of hard emotions throughout my entire life and I don't need another one.

Alex: You bitches, my US open title is just 3 qualifying matches and 7 MD matches away!

Last edited by bis2806; Jun 25th, 2006 at 09:05 PM.
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post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 09:54 PM
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Not so funny. Nasty for sure.
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post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 25th, 2006, 10:16 PM
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Bis2806

Biggest load of crap I've seen in a long time! Don't give up your day job! Stick to slagging off players instead of trying to keep up with the great one's who do a good job writing the confrontation posts.

MiffedMax

Good one! You are one of the best ... even if you are upset that USA are out of the World Cup.
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post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 26th, 2006, 01:35 PM
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@ Justine Fan: this thread is supposed to be just fun, you know, not another one to start petty fights in. They are enough other threads for that.

And I am sure all those who took the time to write something, whether we like them or not, deserve some respect for the time they devoted to their attempt to humour us.

Is it just me, or are we starting a bit slowly this tournament - just like the tournament itself

Keep 'em coming, lads.

Riding the 3AM Rollercoaster
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post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 26th, 2006, 01:46 PM
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I thought bis was funny
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post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old Jun 26th, 2006, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bis2806
Vera Z: (Enters locker room) I can't play Kim in the first round!
JHH: It'zee okay. You can use moi tactiz and pretend to cry before she serves. You know for sure that will work.
Vera Z: But.. but... that is cheating!
JHH: You better zee listen to my command or elze you will not succeed like moi.
Vera Z:

Enter Kim Clijsters
Kim: Hi Justine! (Looks aside) Vera! What happened to you? Are you okay? Umm, umm, do you need some hot tea? I bought some Russian tea last night and you know, it tasted, like, you know very nice and sweet. Please don't cry Vera. Here, let me give you a towel.
Vera Z: Nyet! You have ruined my chances of winning another title.
Kim: Oh... Oh? Is that so? Ummm, you know, I guess I am sorry. I can make it up to you, you know...

Amelie (peers from the corner, unnoticed): Oui!!! I can definitely be of some help Kim.
Kim: Oh, it's okay. You know, it's my fault and I have to fix her problem. I guess you can help JHH.
Amelie: Sacre Bleu! Non non non! Justine is married to Pierre-Yves who was spotted wearing a hideous blouse on the final of RG. Very fazionable.
JHH: As you know that we have zee power and increasing intensity within ourselves. Everything must be intense. That is how I was taught to grow up. I think Pierre is adopting my intense attitude which is very good for sure. Intense fashion is definitely interesting, we don't know when the fashion is going to fade so we have to be intense.

Kim (comforts Vera Z): Awww Vera, it's okay. It's not like I'm going to you know, give you bagels or breadsticks. I mean, if you'd like some now, you can. I will go run to Krispy Kremes and I buy, you know, as many as you want. But please, stop crying, you know. It makes me sad too. (Kim starts to cry)

Enter Svetlana Kuznetsova

Sveta: (Lets out a loud grunt, winks at Amelie) You know I had very good chances at the French against Justine, but after Vaidisova ate me out (as a promise if she lost to me) I could not run at all. I keep hittting errors forehand here, there. I was just not running, not going for my shots. That is not the way I play you know.
JHH: Allez, but for sure you cannot make excuses. You should have retired just like zee match I played against Amelie. No mas.
Sveta: You know, I tried that against Francesca and she acted like she had conquered the world. I can only imagine you will act worse after your retirement of the match against Amelie.

Amelie: Oui oui! (Amelie grins at Sveta)
Sveta: Okay, I am going to shower now. I feel so hot you know.
Amelie: Allez! Me too I have been in the corner all day and I need to take a quick shower too.

Sveta enters the shower while Amelie runs towards her

Suddenly Maria Sharapova enters

Maria: Come on! Vamos! (fist pumps) Guess what, girls? I just practiced with my hitting partner and everytime he committed an error, it made me so terribly happy. I think you know my chances at Wimbledon are great.
JHH: But I thought you were zee injured one?
Maria: Well, that was a conspiracy theory set up against everyone - yes everyone. That is the only way I can show the world my expectations far exceed others. After all, I am only NINETEEN!!!

Kim: Aww, but I am still very young and I have, you know, accomplished and won more titles than you. I mean, you can't blame everything towards injuries, you know. Every girl in the tour has to deal with it, like Vera Z, you know, she has a mental injury now.
Maria: Alas, that is the only way I can get more sponsorship and money. I cannot drop below 20 million dollars of endorsements each year or else they are going to think I am a no-brainer.

JHH: Allez! allez! For sure, you are just a poser. I have beaten you the last three times we played. Allez!
Maria: Everyone has, you know, their good days and their bad days. Unfortunately, Justine, that day was not mine.

Alexander Stevenson jumps out of a locker

Alex: Obviously that's because you didn't won. By the way, I won more matches than you have at Wimbledon since I started from qualifying becoming the first ever female player to achieve that feat to the semis. Stop making excuses like that day isn't your day. You act like you have conquered the world when your practice partner has made an error! You know, I am going to (Alex smacks Maria's pussy while grunting).... Okay so is today your day?????? Tell me! Tell me! Go away! Boo! shooo!

Maria runs and reports to Motorola of the incident

JHH: Alex, excuze me, but you cannot be here. You have lost to zee qualifier.
Alex: Oh shut up bitch, don't try pulling off more excuses.
JHH: (rolls her eyes) and says, "No mas!" Zee heartless bitch has now gone. She will never win another match against me, I promise for sure.

Kim: But Justine, that is very evil, you know. Poor Maria. Alex why did you like smack her pussy? I mean, you could have you know, smacked her boobs - Not that she has any anyway (Kim realizes she is not being nice) Oh my god?! What have I said.... ohh noo... (Kim starts crying together with Vera Z, only harder than her this time)
JHH: I cannot take this anymore. I need to go to zee practice courts. This has been zee most distressing moment of Wimbledon so far. I have had lots of hard emotions throughout my entire life and I don't need another one.

Alex: You bitches, my US open title is just 3 qualifying matches and 7 MD matches away!
fuck me
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