"Court Wars: You Cannot Be Serious," A Tennis, Star Wars and Wizard of Oz parody
This is a parody of Star Wars and the Wizard of Oz, using tennis players in the place of popular characters from the movies. May the farce be with it.
You Cannot Be Serious
It is a period of curruption in the sport of tennis. Tennis players are about to be drafted by the evil Imperial Team Tennis Association (ITTA). The ITTA is about to make a secret deal with the WTA, ATP and ITF to force player participation. If successful, tennis's days as an individual sport will be numbered.
Unbeknownst to the ITTA, several Bothan spies managed to steal the ITTA's contract, which was about to be signed. These spies have given Jennifer Capriati the contract, which is safe inside a red binder.
Pursued by the ITTA's sinister agents, Jennifer races home
in her red Ferrari, custodian of the stolen plans that can save the sport of tennis and restore order to the galaxy...
EXT- a highway in Florida-Day
Jennifer Capriati is racing down the street in her red Ferrari, In the back seat of her car are Lindsay Davenport and Kim Clijsters. All of a sudden, two police officers, who are in cahoots with the ITTA, signal to Capriati to pull over.
As the cops come over towards Jen's car, she hands over the red binder to Kim, who hides it in her bag.
Yes, is there a problem?
Miss, Capriati, I have been told by a certain Miss Billie Jean King, that you have a stolen red binder that she owns. I would like you do give them to me.
I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't have any red binder.
You are lying young fool, you are under arrest.
Hey, get your fucking hands off me you jerks!
Capriati is taken in the cop's car and driven away. Kim and Lindsay are now in possession of the red binder and decide to bring them to the wise Pam Shriver, who has recently started coaching World #1 Roger Federer.
Kim and Lindsay see Roger and Pam training and call them over.
Yes, girls, what do you want?
Something terrible is happening, Pam. Bothan Spies stole this contract from Billie Jean King's desk and gave them to Jen. Billie's made a deal with the tennis governing bodies that will force all of us to play for the Imperial Team Tennis Association!!!!!
Lindsay Yeah, and they're going to get rid of all the tournaments that we all love. What could be worse than this? If this contract is signed, Billie Jean will now be the commissioner of tennis and all of us will be forced to play as a team under her rules!
We have got to stop her. I have a bad feeling about this!
I think we should organize a big rebellion and find away to convince the governing bodies not to sign. And we can hold onto the red binder and show it to all the players, nobody can stop us. We can threaten to go on strike if we have to. Without players, there's no tennis.
But what about Jen? We need to rescue her from jail first. I just got a call on my cell phone that Jen is now staying at the ITTA's Jail Cell, but she has no idea where it is!
Yes we should go rescue her. But first we're going to to find someone who knows where this place is. Does anyone know any Bothan Spies?
Billie Jean King comes into the Jail cell.
Hello Jennifer, comfy?
Go to hell, bitch. I knew you were behind this arrest. I smelled your foul stench when I arrived.
Charming dear. You don't know how difficult it was for me to have you arrested.
I'm suprised you had the courage to do it yourself, dike.
Jen, the ITTA has now become the ultimate power in the tennis universe. No tennis governing body will dare oppose us now.
The more you tighten your grip Billie Goat, the more tennis players will slip through your fingers.
I don't think so. As soon as I recover that contract, I will have control over the tennis universe! Now tell me, who has the red binder
I'm not telling!
If you do not tell me who has the binder, I will force you to sleep with me!
Oh, I could beat the shit out of you! You're not getting near me.
Yes, but I could have you tied up.
Ew gross. Anything but that! Okay, I'll tell you.
Okay, I grow tired of asking, so this will be the last time. Who has the red binder.
I knew you could be reasonable. Thank you!
And with that Billie Jean exits the chamber.
Jen sticks up her middle finger as Billie Jean exits.
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by JennyS; Sep 30th, 2004 at 06:54 PM.