From 0700 to 1300 hours (7 a.m. to 1 p.m.)
07.00 - Chris Fowler announces that it's raining. Show shots of crowd sitting in the stands, watching it rain.
07.02 - Chris brings in Mary Joe Fernandez, who still is in SHOCK! about the Venus Williams-Karolina Sprem second round match.
07.04 - ESPN replays the Venus-Karolina tiebreak. Chris and Mary Joe spend a good 10 minutes replaying the points from 2-1 Venus to 4-2 Venus, all trying to pinpoint the exact minute both Venus and Karolina figured out that something was wrong.
07.15 - That damn Pepto-Bismol commercial plays.
07.20 - ESPN replays the Andy Roddick-Alexander Peya third-round match.
08.45 - Dick Enberg does a soft feature about some kid in the stands that colored his hair purple and green.
08.55 - The damn Pepto commercial plays again
09.00 - Maria Sharapova comes into the studio and holds a fashion show. Mary Joe, Mary Carillo and that Suzy chick that hosts the late-night show model dresses.
09.10 - More crowd shots. More rain!
09.15 - Chris says that Roger Federer is a favorite to win Wimbleon. ESPN shows two points of this match. Then, Chris says, "Federer might meet Andy Roddick in the final! ESPN replays the entire Roddick-Peya match.
10.50 - Here comes the damn Pepto commercial again!
10.55 - Mary Joe asks such former women's champion as Maria Bueno, Billie Jean King and Doris Hart their thoughts on the SHOCKING! Venus-Karolina tiebreak. Bueno and Hart both say they would've reacted calmly to the matter, BJK says that "After the match, I woulda kicked Ted Watts' ass back to Paris!"
11.00 - ESPN airs a feature with Jim Courier taking Andy Roddick shopping. Roddick tries on a pair of leather pants, and turns his back to the camera. Courier takes one look at Andy's backside and faints.
11.10 - More crowd shots. Some old lady is doing the can-can.
11.15 - John McEnroe comes into the studio, and announces that nobody's paying attention to him, so he's going to come in and talk non-stop for five minutes.
11.25 - A surprise guest in the ESPN studios: Ted Watts! Mary Joe asks what he was thinking during the match. Watts replies: "Um....I was thinking how come the ssssssun was really hot that day...and how the crowd looked like a great big WAAAAAAAAVE of umber-ellas and people.
Mary Joe asks Watts if he's drunk. Watts grins, and launches into an off-key version of Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night."
11.30 - Damn Pepto commercial time!
11.35 - ESPN shows the Roddick-Peya match again.
12.25 - Alexander Peya comes into the ESPN studios, and thanks Chris for all the exposure he's gotten over the past couple days.
12.30 - Another shot of Centre Court, where Cliff Richard is leading the crowd in a song. ESPN takes up the audio, and you hear Cliff singing: "Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, yay! Pepto-Bismol." Thousands of people grab their butts right on cue.
12.45 - Mary Joe and Chris hold a seance to conjure up the spirits of Suzanne Lenglen and Helen Wills Moody, so Mary Joe can ask their opinion of the SHOCKING! tiebreak between Venus and Karolina. Helen says something like "It was a great controversy, and I feel the umpire made a mistake." Suzanne says something in French and sips brandy.
12.59 - Chris signs off, telling viewers to turn to ESPN2 for more coverage of Wimbledon. ESPN2 begins its coverage with the Roddick-Peya match.