Serena: The dress has got to go. I'm not sure if you're going to Thunderdome with Mad Max or if you're an extra in Troy but it is a hot, fiery mess. The two piece is great and simple but camel toe is a problem. You need to make the fit looser damn near everywhere on the shorts. I like the red version even though you wear it sporadically for some reason...
Venus: Where are my thin mints, bitch?!?!!!! I ordered 6 boxes. 2 dosidos, 3 thin mints and 1 samoa. WTF do I have 3 dosidos, 1 thin mint and 2 samoas? You tryna cheat me after I've been such a good customer? Man, this is the last time I order cookies from a damn tennis player! [mutter]got all dat damn money and endorsements and can't keep my damn order straight[/mutter]
Sharapova: Your wimby dress looks promising but for the love of sliced bread I'll be glad when the atrocity known as the "Kriss Kross- Jump/I Missed The Bus/This was so trendy in '92 but it's 2004" styled top is finally on the clearance rack at niketown. I guess nike designers wanted to outdo the shower curtain from USO '02. They unfortunately succeeded.
Kimmeke: Ok... you seem to have an affinity for the sleeveless or tank deal. It works well for you. You have an onion, not as big as Serena's, but yeah, it's big. I'd like to see something different. Your fed cup outfits seem to be more interesting than what you wear on court. With the exception of the AO '04 outfit which I loooooooved. I hope you come out with something new and hopefully Jennifer won't have the same outfit although I think it will be.
Jenny: You have a new coach so it's time for a new color. Red is exciting... red is great but gotdamn you are starting to look like the koolaid mascot.
Stop the insanity!
Silvia: Where to begin... that caesar hairstyle has got to go! Glad you kept your locks but damn at your bangs! WHOA. Are you a nurse's assistant? Because I swear you could just put on those nurse moccassins after one of your matches and hit the ICU, STAT!
And trust me, I am not done.